Highlights of Wednesday's show is played back, showing the E.W.W.W. Gross attack and the arrival of Vengeance.
Camera cuts to show into TOOL's dressing room door, there stands
EL Loco Mexicano.
TOOL: Now go do something to that Pendajo, like you and your boys do back in the barrios of mexico, and
there will be plenty more where this came from, amigo!
El Loco Mexicano exits TOOL's dressing room with a bag of Taco Bell
and fifty dollars in his hand.
Camera cuts to a popping Louisville crowd and pyro. Tonight's signs in the crowd: a pictures of El Loco Mexicano with a taco saying "Yo Quiero Taco Bell", one with Confusion in a noose with Lynch Mobb as the executioner, and one with the Mob Brigade saying :Whatsa matta? You dunna like-a us with de belts?"
Chris Stafford: Hi, I'm Chris "That Crazy Canuck" Stafford, and this is every jobber's
wet dream, the Maxx.
The Maxx: Wet dream my ass!
CS: You rang?
Maxx: Those fucking jobbers can kiss my ass if they think that I'm gonna go to their
level.
CS: Well well well don't count that out yet..and it's time for our first bout!
"Rocket Queen" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
"Led towards the ring by P.N. Geek...at a total combined weight of 330 lbs...Tonya and the Mistress"
Maxx: Excuse me I have to throw up.
CS: Yeah right!
The Mistress grabs the mic.
"I come before you to announce the Militia...that's right everybody. today
before you is a new age called the RWF, taken over by this Militia. From
now on...this is no longer Tonya...I introduce you to Goddess. And this is no
longer P.N. Geek...you will all now address him by the General. Buttman and
Testiculeuse, bring your sorry asses out. We're ready to invade."
"New York New York" by Sinatra plays...
"At a total combined weight of 394 lbs...Uncle Sham and the Brooklyn Pussy!"
MATCH RESULT: This was a pretty intense match with much doubleteaming and
power moves...until Confusion paid a visit to ringside and tried to blast Mistress
with a chair, but she ducked and got Uncle Sham instead. The General went at it
with the Confused one as the Mistress did a Seal of Disapproval followed by Tonya's
backflip off the top turnbuckle for the pin.
MATCH WINNER: The Militia by pinfall
Maxx: Militia my ass.
CS:Who peed in your cornflakes?
Maxx: I hate those bitches, especially now that P.N. Geek is with them.
CS: The General.
Maxx: Whatever.
The Militia celebrates in the ring, but suddenly Tonya turns to P.N.-uh, the General and kisses him.
CS: WHOA!!!!
Maxx: I'm gonna be sick.
"Falling Away From Me" by KoRn plays...
"From Golden Rivers, Nevada, weighing 246 lbs...'The Golden One' El Dorado!!!"
"Shade" by Silverchair plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing 245 lbs...Shade!!!"
MATCH RESULT: Long, impressive, match with tons of action. The match had a back
and forth switch of momentum, but it ended like this: Shade hit a Nightshade and got
a two-count, then while Shade prepared to help his opponent up, El Dorado turned it
into a 3-count via a small package.
MATCH WINNER: El Dorado by pinfall
Maxx: RWF gets better and better with time, am I not right?
CS: Very right. We're seeing some GREAT matches today.
Camera cuts back into TOOL's dressing room as El Loco Mexicano walks in
carrying two hubcaps under each arm.
El Loco Mexicano: Meeester toool, I reeely showed that surviver guy huh!
TOOL grabs the hubcaps
TOOL: NO YOU FRIGGIN IDIOT I MEANT FOR YOU TO KICK HIS SORRY ASS...GET
THE FUCK OUT OF MY DRESSING ROOM!!!!! And people wonder why the lucadors
never get a push in W.C.W.!!!
TOL looks at the hubcaps and a smile crosses his face as the camera fades
out.
Camera cuts to black. Suddenly an explosion, with glitter falling across the screen.
CS: Order now folks.
Maxx: It's gonna be a great one. Back to the ring.
"Get in the Ring" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
"Led towards the ring by Nurse Payne...from Intercourse, PA, weighin 350 lbs...TOOL!!!"
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor plays...
"From Morgantown, WV, weighing 245 lbs...'Survivor' Tom Tennant!"
MATCH RESULT: The match began in the aisle as TOOL went right after Tom on his way down.
Every possible implement of destruction was used -- chairs, glass, even electrical wires as
choking devices. The two eventually got back to the ring where real wrestling took place
TOOL produced some hubcaps later in the match which were used to knock out Survivor but upon
attempting a sunset flip afterwards, Survivor reversed it for the win!
MATCH WINNER: 'Survivor' Tom Tennant by pinfall
CS: Wow!!!!
Maxx: Boy will Dirty Dave be pissed.
CS: True! That's his boy.
The arena lights go black.
CS: Great! Now what?
"Unforgiven" by Metallica plays........
Vengeance apears from behind the curtain, and walks about halfway down
the ramp. He then produces a mic.
"Tommy boy, I am here again, ready to Bi-Polar DDT your ass to hell...
or wait a minute am I gonna Utility Knife your ass to hell. Ahh, fuck
it, I don't know, maybe I will Court Martial you, or Flatscan you, or
maybe even hit you with Redemption. It truly matters not, because......."
"Angry Chair" by Alice in Chains plays...........
Misery and Melissa make their way to the top of the ramp, Misery
produces a mic.
Misery:Alright poor old Tom is confused enough
Melissa: And he does mean old
Misery: Let's just go ahead and tell him who is under the mask
Melissa: Who TOOL???
"Get in the Ring" by Guns 'n' Roses plays.....
TOOL walks out with a mic.
TOOL: Nope can't be me
Miser y: Oh yeah, they say that boy Vengeance is a bad mother fu...
Melissa: Shut your mouth
Misery: Just talking about Vengeance. Fuck it, welcome to the land
of confusion Tommy boy
TOOL: All I have to say is that Vengeance will kick your ass, and take
some vitamins...BROTHER
Vengeance: Have a nice night Thomas
Maxx: Who could this Vengeance be???
CS: Now I'm confused
Maxx: Literally, or you now understand where the Confused one comes from?
CS: If you mean who I think you mean, I can give a rat's ass Maxxie.
Maxx: GRRRRRR
CS: And speaking of Confusion, next match.
"Judge This" plays...
"From somewhere in PA, weighing 292 lbs...Onslaught!!!"
"State of Confusion" by the Kinks plays...
"From the State of Confusion, weighing 280 lbs...Confusion!!!!"
MATCH RESULT: Very brutal exchange of power moves. Onslaught proved to be
very impressive against Confusion, but he became a victim of the Wrath of God...
then Dr. Macho came by and knocked out Confusion with a lead-filled cue stick
and dragged Onslaught atop Confusion for the pin.
MATCH WINNER: Onslaught by pinfall
Maxx: You know I like Dr. Macho and all, but what is his problem with Confusion?
CS: None of our business and apparantely pretty deep.
Maxx: I'm getting a lil disappointed in the prez.
"Kick the P.A." by KoRn and the Dust Brothers plays...
"Led towards the ring by Phoenix, from Hiroshima, Japan, weighing 253 lbs...Onikage!!!"
"Out of Space" by Prodigy plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing 321 lbs...Y2K!!!"
MATCH RESULT: After a few minutes, Y2K had Onikage in a figure four, but Onikage got out of the hold with some help from Phoenix. The two competitors took the match out of the ring onto the commentators table, which was broken when Onikage did a flying elbow into Y2K's thoracic area and through the table
CS: Not again!
Maxx: No fair WWF has better tables than us!!!
Onikage drags Y2K back in the ring and tries to whip Y2K into corner, but hits referee Monty O'Leary instead and knocks him out. After a failed win attempt he goes over to revive the referee when Y2K falls out of the ring and produces some computer equipment from under the ring...it's a CD-Rom drive, taken out of a PC's tower.
Maxx: Looks like a system crash is coming.
CS: I hope Onikage is ready for the year 2000.
Phoenix produces a cookie sheet from under the other side of the ring and knocks out Y2K. She rolls him into the
ring and drags Onikage atop him. A pinfall is made.
MATCH WINNER: Onikage by pinfall
CS: Y2K has gotten a GPF.
Maxx: Damned viruses
CS: Should've used Norton's Utilities
"King Nothing" by Metallica plays...
"Accompanied by Phoenix, from parts unknown, weighing 260 lbs...Dark Enigma!!!"
"Unforgiven" by Metallica plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing 244 lbs...Vengeance!!!"
MATCH RESULT: Dark Enigma was caught off guard by Vengeance at first, but reversed
the momentum and had Vengeance beaten almost, until Vengeance blocked a suplex and threw
Dark Enigma over his shoulders and executed a tombstone piledriver for the win.
MATCH WINNER: Vengeance by pinfall
Maxx: Nice!
CS: Vengeance can wrestle.
Maxx: And then some.
Camera cuts to a commercial
There is a line outside Pinocchio's in Morgantown, WV.
Reporter: Why the pandemonium?
Buyer: We're here for the new Socko babies!
Reporter: Socko babies?
Buyer: Yeah, the Socko babies that sold out in fast food restaurants! Now my daughter is threatening to disown
me if I don't get her the limited edition Dr. Socko for Christmas!
For a limited time in your favorite toy store, the limited edition Dr. Socko, Nurse Socko, Professor Socko, Garbage Collector Socko, and the P.N. Geek Socko! Get them before they are gone!
CS: Have you gotten your socko babies Maxxie?
Maxx: Goddamn you Christie, I want a new leather jacket for Christmas, not some
stoopid sock puppet. See what that bitch Mistress did to my jacket?
CS: It's just a little tear.
Maxx: Little my ass Christie!
"The following contest is for the RWF Tag Team Championship."
The theme from the Godfather plays...
"Accompanied by Don Ciccolini...at a total combined weight of 585 lbs...the
RWF Tag Team Champions of the World...Vinny and Marcellus, the Mob Brigade!"
"Countdown to Extinction" by Megadeth plays...
"At a total combined weight of 653 lbs...Thanos and Gorgon, Faces of Terror!"
MATCH RESULT: Wild and brutal. Gorgon beat on Vinny as Marcellus and Thanos went at it, resulting in a few competitors getting covered in blood. The Faces almost had this match won, until Don Ciccolini got his shoe and knocked out Thanos, allowing Marcellus to get a pin.
THE MOB BRIGADE RETAIN THE RWF WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES
CS: What is in that shoe????
Maxx: It's ingenious, I like it!
CS: Criminy it's as if there are rocks or cement in there!
Maxx: Do you have to be down on the Mob?
CS: I'm not! It's just that there is something in that shoe and now it's got me curious.
"Angry Chair" by Alice in Chains plays...
"From the deepest recesses of your mind, weighing 242 lbs...Misery!!!"
"Sick of You" by GWAR plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing 365 lbs...GorGor!"
"5 Minutes Alone" by Pantera plays...
"From parts unkown, weighing 261 lbs...the RWF heavyweight champion of the world...Jakob Creed!!!"
MATCH RESULT: Jakob attacks Misery first while Misery takes on GorGor, but it turns into a Misery-GorGor battle that spilled out onto the ringside floor. Misery gets a chair and whips the hell out of GorGor then suplexes him onto the commentator's table.
Maxx: Thank god I got this ringside seat!
CS: This is getting ridiculous.
Misery returns to the ring, where he is met with punches and a piledriver from Jakob Creed. Then GorGor climbs back into the ring and attacks Creed from behind. However, Creed grabs both heads and slams them together. Creed finds a hubcap from under the ring, then uses it as a weapon against both competitors. Misery gets thrown out of the ring then Jakob does a Jakob's Ladder on GorGor for a pinfall.
JAKOB CREED RETAINS THE RWF HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
CS: Best match of the night.
Maxx: SHIT!!!!!!!!!!
CS: Oh so sorry Misery lost.
Maxx: Shut up asshole, I'm going to drink a few. See ya later.
CS: Leaving so soon? (The Maxx gets up and leaves) Well...on behalf of the Maxx, myself, and the RWF, goodnight
from Louisville, and a shout out to my pals in Toronto!