Footage is being shown from last week of security guards trying to open the 18 Wheeler that held three tigers and Dark Enigma.The driver comes out and notices a group around his truck. One of the guards informs him what is going on, and the driver produces a spare key on his keychain. He unlocks the door and finds a mangled Dark Enigma. Phoenix and Onikage drag him out, the former in hysterics.
The crowd pumps up for another SATURDAY NIGHT SLAUGHTER!! Sparklers go off at each corner of the ring and bombs explode at the scaffold archway that separates the arena from the lockerrooms. Tonight we see signs such as "Have you polished your TOOL today?", "Where's Tennant?", and "Climbing Jakob's Ladder"
"Just A Gigolo" by David Lee Roth plays...
Dr. Macho walks out with
five Pitt co-eds. He grabs the mic.
"Pittsburgh how the HELL are you????"
Pop.
"Welcome to Wednesday
Night Rampage! I am your president Dr. Macho and I have some things to announce
to you concerning this weekend's events. This sunday, November 27th is
Thanksgiving Day Massacre on pay-per-view. There will be three matches.
There
is a Texas Tornado singles match: Mistress vs. Blast vs. Boo-Yah vs. Obi-Wan
Jabroni vs. P.N. Geek vs. The Brooklyn Pussy vs. Vicious Vegetarian. The
Mistress will start with one of her opponents, then when one of them is pinned,
another opponent comes out and faces the winner. This will keep going until all
opponents have come out all but one has been beaten.
There will be two
ultra-rumbles. One of them will involve all competitors, and the other will
involve all tag teams. An ultra-rumble is as follows: elimination of a wrestler
occurs when: 1.) He is pinned 2.) He submits 3.) He is thrown over the top and
4.) He is too injured to continue. There is no DQ, so weapons are sure to be
involved. The winner of each rumble gets a championship belt. In the tag team
rumble, the tag team belts will be awarded, and only ONE member of a team is
needed to win the rumble, and thus the belts for himself and his partner. In the
singles rumble, only one will remain standing and become the RWF world
champion."
The crowd pops, signs prophetizing new champions are shown, with names
such as Misery, Tool, Jakob Creed.
"Now...ON TO THE MATCHES!!!!"
"Gentleman" John Jackson: Hi everyone, we are five days away from the
Massacre...I am Gentleman John Jackson and this is Dirty Dave
Dashington.
"Dirty" Dave Dashington: Hi again, John.
Jackson: Who do you
place bets on for the texas tornado match?
Dashington: That the Mistress will
wrestle topless.
Jackson: Oh HUSH! I meant who is gonna win!
Dashington:
Brooklyn Pussy...then the Mistress will lose her top and dance in a girly bar in
Manhattan.
Jackson: (shaking his head)
Dashington: You know I'm gonna go
see it too. I'll let you know how it was.
Jackson: Let's go to the first
match.
"Out of Memory" by Prodigy plays...
"Making his debut in the RWF,
from parts unknown, weighing 321 lbs...Y2K!!"
"Judge This" plays...
"From somewhere in PA, weighing 292
lbs...Onslaught!"
Y2K grabs the mic.
"You know son, you think you can shake the world
with your little shockwave and be all big and scary. Well you seem to not
realize that magnitude of the apocalypse. I am the apocalypse, and you're just a
little fucking m-80 that went pop."
Dashington: OUCH!
Jackson: Y2K already finding enemies....I'm
impressed.
Dashington: I hope you have your Y2K shelter ready!
Jackson:
Whatever.
MATCH RESULT: Y2K's comments rile Onslaught to the point of savagely
attacking Y2K. However, Y2K catches him and gives him one wicked beating. The
melee spills at the end of the aisle, where Y2K grabs a sheet of glass and
knocks Onslaught out, then throws him off the ramp onto the concrete floor. Y2K
returns to the ring to beat the 10 count.
MATCH WINNER: Y2K by countout
Jackson: Look at all that blood -- ick.
Dashington: Y2K has crashed
Onslaught
Jackson: I hope his system is backed up.
"State of Confusion" by the Kinks plays...
"Led towards the ring by
the Mistress of Masturbation, Tonya...from the State of
Confus--"
Confusion and Tonya rush to the ring, where Confusion piledrives
the ring announcer and grabs his mic.
"Get it right prick, Tonya is not
the mistress of masturbation, that mistress has a match with two jobbers
tonight. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Tonya is the First Lady of the State of Confusion
with the best tits you've ever seen! Quit your drooling and get the fuck out of
MY ring."
The announcer is tossed from the ring.
"And here is a puny little pussy, and I don't mean Brooklyn -- the Mistress can have him -- from Whackingoff, Texas, weighing 355 lbs, with a 1/100 lb penis. The first man I've met who named himself after his favorite sexual position... J-Dog."
MATCH RESULT:J-Dog comes up from behind and knocks out Confusion with a
chair. He gets on him and punches him in the face repeatedly until Tonya tries
to interfere, but the Mistress rushes to ringside and picks up Tonya, then
throws her into the first row of the ringside seating. J-Dog eventually gets the
pin, and the win.
MATCH WINNER; J-Dog by pinfall
Jackson: Cleanup in aisle nine!
Dashington: Tonight's Rampage sure as hell
is bloody.
Jackson: I'm wondering if this thing with Mistress and Tonya will
end?
Dashington: Hey as long as I get my helping of cleavage, I'm not
bitchin.
Jackson: Oh HUSH! Next match!
"Sick of You" by GWAR plays...
"Led towards the ring by Timmy the
Midget...at a total combined weight of 705 lbs....Oderus Urungus and
GorGor...the Sexicutioners!!!"
The Sexicutioners shake hands with the commentators.
Jackson: How
nice of them! You can say what you want about the Sexicutioners, but they sure
are grateful, humble folks.
Dashington: Got any hand sanitizer?
Jackson:
Oh God what is wrong with you?
Dashington: Maybe President Macho will give me
workers' compensation for dysentary.
"Kick the P.A." by KoRn and the Dust Brothers plays...
"Led towards
the ring by Phoenix...at a total combined weight of 513 lbs...Onikage and Dark
Enigma...Twist!!!!!!!"
"Dirty" Dave Dashington leaves the ringside.
Jackson: Dave? Where
are you going????? Well folks looks like it's just you and me.
MATCH RESULT:What could be said about this match? This was one of the most
disturbing things ever seen. Twist came out and tried to fly high, but were
immediately grounded by the size of The Sexicutioners. It was a very even match
up on the ground. Twist was giving everything they had, but in the end it was
the Sick of You and the win for the Sexicutioners.
MATCH WINNER:
Sexicutioners by pinfall
Timmy the Midget orders his men to get a bucket, with the same shit liquid that was dumped on the Mob Brigade...this time covering Twist.
Jackson: Disgusting! Twist has become the next victim of this fecal looking
substance.
After the ring is cleaned up, "Dirty" Dave Dashington
returns.
Jackson: Oh god you're back.
Dashington: This will keep the
plague away for another week.
Jackson: What on earth are you talking
about????
Dashington: Hey guys, need disinfectant?
Dave throws his hand
sanitizer in the ring.
Jackson: (shaking his head) I think it will take a
lot more than that little bottle of Dial sanitizer to disinfect the
ring.
Dashington: It took five to disinfect myself!!!!
Jackson: NEXT
MATCH.
"Countdown to Extinction" by Megadeth plays...
"At a total combined
weight of 653 lbs...Faces of Terror!"
The theme from the Godfather plays...
"Led towards the ring by Don
Ciccolini, at a total combined weight of 585 lbs...the Mob Brigade!!!"
MATCH RESULT: This match was nothing more but an all-out brawl with
weapons and dirty moves left and right -- it was more of an annihilation than a
match. The brawl ended up on the floor where Vinny gave Thanos a last rights
from the top turnbuckle to the ringside floor before he reentered the ring to
beat the 10-count.
MATCH WINNER: The Mob Brigade by countout
A camera shows Onslaught breaking things with a baseball bat, still with blood on his face. The Mistress sees him in the rage and tries to get him under control. He looks at the camera and says "You tell that Y2K asshole that I will see him saturday." and goes about his way breaking things. "GET THAT OUT OF HERE!!" Onslaught gives the cameraman a shockwave and goes on.
Jackson: Ack.
Dashington: Can you say aftershock?
Jackson: I think that
registered on the Richter Scale. Next match.
"ButtTown" by Iggy Pop plays...
"At a total combined weight of 314
lbs...Buttman and Testiculeuse"
"Rocket Queen" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
"From Binghamton, NY,
weighing 210 lbs....The Mistress!!!!"
MATCH RESULT: This proved to be one of Mistress' toughest matches with the
jobbers so far, for she was a victim to double teaming and often. In the end
though, the momentum switched when Mistress ducked a chair shot and Testiculeuse
hit Buttman instead! The Mistress used this opportunity to get the pin.
MATCH
WINNER: The Mistress by pinfall
Jackson: Oh oh look at this...
Testiculeuse and Buttman seem to be exchanging angry words, then Buttman shoves his partner and a brawl ensues. All jobbers come out to try to break up the melee, then it turns into a bigger fiasco, with referees coming out to break it up.
Jackson: Don't you think of going in there Dave.
Dashington: Hahhahaha I
could kick their asses faster than Maxx could.
Jackson: What was Maxx
thinking, I wonder.
[COMMERCIAL]
"Hi, the Rock says to be the people's best, you have to
eat the people's cereal. I'm not talking oatmeal, flakes, or wheats. People who
eat that need to take their boxes of crappy cereal, turn that sumbitch sideways,
and stick it straight up their candy asses!!!!
No I'm not talking cereals
with some stupid jabroni on the box like Reggie Jackson or Carl Lewis.
From
Smackdown Foods comes...FROSTED JABRONIS! The Rock says you're going to eat your
frosted jabronis and you're going to love it!
A bowl of Frosted Jabronis,
juice, toast with some Smackdown butter, maybe a little fruit on the side is
part of this complete breakfast.
So eat your Frosted Jabronis, or stick it
straight up your candyass!"
"Insane in the Brain" by Cypress Hill plays...
"Making his RWF
debut...from Tijuana, Mexico, weighing 205 lbs....El Loco Mexicano!!!"
Dashington: Luchador!
Jackson: I haven't seen lucha libre in a long, long
time.
Dashington: They have it on university cable in Binghamton, the
Mistress' hometown
Jackson: I also hear in the locker rooms that she watches
it too
Dashington: I can't understand their commentators though...except
maybe a few words
Jackson: Like?
Dashington: Taco! Burritos!
Jackson:
I'll deal with you later.
"Get in the Ring" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
"Led towards the ring
by Nurse Payne...from Intercourse, PA, weighing 350 lbs...TOOL!!!!"
MATCH RESULT: TOOL came out extremely overconfident in this matchup and it
nearly cost him. TOOL did dominate the match, but after hitting a piledriver and
receiving a 2 count TOOL lifted El Loco Mexicano's shoulders in an effort to
inflict more punishment. Tool then power slammed El Loco Mexicano and went to
pick him up. El Loco Mexicano rolled him up for a 2-count. El Loco Mexicano
began a flurry of ofense that led to several take downs, dazzling aerial moves,
and four more 2-counts. El Loco Mexicano threw TOOL into the ropes but TOOL
reversed it, gave El Loco Mexicano a boot to the midsection and hit the BUZZSAW
for the win .
MATCH WINNER: TOOL by pinfall.
Dashington: Alas El Loco Mexicano proved little for our TOOL. Sob sob oh
well.
Jackson: I am interested to see how he fares sunday at the
PPV.
Dashington: He sucks, he'll be gone in five seconds.
Jackson: Now
don't count him out.
"Falling Away From Me" by KoRn plays...
"From Golden Rivers,
Nevada, weighing 246 lbs...'The Golden One' El Dorado!!!!"
"Angry Chair" by Alice in Chains plays...
"Led towards the ring by
the lovely Melissa...from the Deepest Recesses of Your Mind, weighing 242
lbs...Misery!!!!"
MATCH RESULT:Before the match Peter Head warned Misery that he'd fight
fair or be dq'ed. Misery agreed to be a good boy and fight fair. Didn't last
long. El Dorado came out and gave Misery everything in his repetoire. Misery
tried to fight a good scientific match, but became frustrated by El Dorado
finally to the point he shoved Peter Head out of the way and blasted El Dorado
with the cane giving El Dorado the win.
MATCH WINNER: El Dorado by DQ
Jackson: What a reversal of roles!!! It was El Dorado who shoved the ref in
his first match, and now we see his opponent instead repeat the
favor!
Dashington: It was the shit smell I tell you.
Jackson: Oh hush!
That ring was disinfected! That smell should've been gone a long time
ago!
Dashington: The shitty curse, Jackson.
Jackson: And your point
Dave?
Dashington: (patting Jackson on the back) watch the next match. It will
come to you when you're the least aware of it. It is time for the main event
folks!
"5 Minutes Alone" by Pantera plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing
261 lbs....Jakob Creed!!!"
"Shade" by Silverchair plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing 245
lbs...Shade!!!"
MATCH RESULT: Shade didn't waste any time getting this match started as he run towards the ring and began his assult on Creed. The match went in and out of the ring, one of the instances, metal steps being used as a weapon on Creed, busting him wide open. Creed eventually got momentum and turned it into a figure four, but Shade managed to barely grab the ropes and the referee ordered Creed to break the hold. The two fought on the ring apron, with Shade getting thrown into the commentator's table, breaking it.
Dashington: WHOA!!!
Jackson: Excuse me...could we get another table
please?
Dashington: I think I'm enjoying this and the fans must be too!
Creed drags Shade back into the ring and hooks on the sleeper, but Shade
elbows out and does a flying bodypress, but Jakob flips over and gets the three
count.
MATCH WINNER: Jakob Creed by pinfall
Dashington: I wanna watch it again!
Jackson: If you're a good boy
Santa will give you his copy.
Dashington: Oh goody!
"Out of Space" by Prodigy plays...
Y2K walks to the ring and grabs the
mic.
Jackson: Wait a minute, what's this????
"I heard someone was looking for me 'eh? I heard through the grapevine that Onslaught wants to meet with me, eh? Well..here's your--"
"Rocket Queen" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
Here comes the Mistress, whip
and all, and a mic. She remains standing at the entranceway between the lockers
and the aisle.
"If you really wanted a match with Onslaught Y2K, why didn't you just say
so...I have signed one for this Saturday Night Slaughter."
HUGE
pop.
"Oh wait...I forgot to tell you and everyone else here...Saturday
Night Slaughter, being 24 hours from the Thanksgiving Day Massacre, will be
STIPULATION night. Y2K, you and Onslaught will be meeting not in a ring, but on
a scaffold above the ring."
Another pop.
"AND below the scaffold
positioned with cinder blocks on each side, is a sheet of glass. Whine and cry
or gloat if you want pal, one of you two is going to crash -- Hahahahaha no pun
intended -- this saturday."
"As for the rest of the card:
I have a handicap match with
Cartel;
Jakob Creed and El Dorado will meet in a first blood
match;
Sexicutioners vs. Mob Brigade, but this time a NYC Street Fight -- It
will take place in a parking lot with weapons around;
TOOL vs. Confusion in a
razor bat match;
Onikage vs. J-Dog in two out of three falls;
Faces of
Terror vs. Buttman and Testiculeuse -- barbed wire match;
And...Shade vs.
Dark Enigma in an 18 wheeler brawl: exactly like a boiler room brawl except in
an 18 wheeler.
Now Pittsburgh, how is that for a card?"
POP.
Jackson: Are you going to be watching Slaughter?
Dashington: Damn right I
am! These are great matches!
Jackson: That's all from the Steel City.
Goodnight and see you saturday on stipulation night!