Footage is being shown from last week of security guards trying to open the 18 Wheeler that held three tigers and Dark Enigma.The driver comes out and notices a group around his truck. One of the guards informs him what is going on, and the driver produces a spare key on his keychain. He unlocks the door and finds a mangled Dark Enigma. Phoenix and Onikage drag him out, the former in hysterics.
The crowd pumps up for another SATURDAY NIGHT SLAUGHTER!! Sparklers go off at each corner of the ring and bombs explode at the scaffold archway that separates the arena from the lockerrooms. Tonight we see signs such as "Have you polished your TOOL today?", "Where's Tennant?", and "Climbing Jakob's Ladder"
"Just A Gigolo" by David Lee Roth plays...
Dr. Macho walks out with five Pitt co-eds. He grabs the mic.
"Pittsburgh how the HELL are you????"
Pop.
"Welcome to Wednesday Night Rampage! I am your president Dr. Macho and
I have some things to announce to you concerning this weekend's events. This
sunday, November 27th is Thanksgiving Day Massacre on pay-per-view. There
will be three matches.
There is a Texas Tornado singles match: Mistress vs. Blast vs. Boo-Yah vs. Obi-Wan Jabroni vs. P.N. Geek vs. The Brooklyn Pussy vs. Vicious Vegetarian.
The Mistress will start with one of her opponents, then when one of them is pinned, another opponent comes out and faces the winner. This will keep going until
all opponents have come out all but one has been beaten.
There will be two ultra-rumbles. One of them will involve all competitors, and the other will involve all tag teams. An ultra-rumble is as follows: elimination of
a wrestler occurs when: 1.) He is pinned 2.) He submits 3.) He is thrown over the top and 4.) He is too injured to continue. There is no DQ, so weapons are sure to
be involved. The winner of each rumble gets a championship belt. In the tag team rumble, the tag team belts will be awarded, and only ONE member of a team is needed
to win the rumble, and thus the belts for himself and his partner. In the singles rumble, only one will remain standing and become the RWF world champion."
The crowd pops, signs prophetizing new champions are shown, with names such as Misery, Tool, Jakob Creed.
"Now...ON TO THE MATCHES!!!!"
"Gentleman" John Jackson: Hi everyone, we are five days away from the Massacre...I am Gentleman John Jackson and this is Dirty Dave Dashington.
"Dirty" Dave Dashington: Hi again, John.
Jackson: Who do you place bets on for the texas tornado match?
Dashington: That the Mistress will wrestle topless.
Jackson: Oh HUSH! I meant who is gonna win!
Dashington: Brooklyn Pussy...then the Mistress will lose her top and dance in a girly bar in Manhattan.
Jackson: (shaking his head)
Dashington: You know I'm gonna go see it too. I'll let you know how it was.
Jackson: Let's go to the first match.
"Out of Memory" by Prodigy plays...
"Making his debut in the RWF, from parts unknown, weighing 321 lbs...Y2K!!"
"Judge This" plays...
"From somewhere in PA, weighing 292 lbs...Onslaught!"
Y2K grabs the mic.
"You know son, you think you can shake the world with your little shockwave and be all big and scary. Well you seem to not
realize that magnitude of the apocalypse. I am the apocalypse, and you're just a little fucking m-80 that went pop."
Dashington: OUCH!
Jackson: Y2K already finding enemies....I'm impressed.
Dashington: I hope you have your Y2K shelter ready!
Jackson: Whatever.
MATCH RESULT: Y2K's comments rile Onslaught to the point of
savagely attacking Y2K. However, Y2K catches him and gives him one wicked beating. The melee
spills at the end of the aisle, where Y2K grabs a sheet of glass and knocks Onslaught out, then
throws him off the ramp onto the concrete floor. Y2K returns to the ring to beat the 10 count.
MATCH WINNER: Y2K by countout
Jackson: Look at all that blood -- ick.
Dashington: Y2K has crashed Onslaught
Jackson: I hope his system is backed up.
"State of Confusion" by the Kinks plays...
"Led towards the ring by the Mistress of Masturbation, Tonya...from the State of Confus--"
Confusion and Tonya rush to the ring, where Confusion piledrives the ring announcer and grabs his mic.
"Get it right prick, Tonya is not the mistress of masturbation, that mistress has a match with two jobbers tonight.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Tonya is the First Lady of the State of Confusion with the best tits you've ever seen! Quit
your drooling and get the fuck out of MY ring."
The announcer is tossed from the ring.
"And here is a puny little pussy, and I don't mean Brooklyn -- the Mistress can have him -- from Whackingoff, Texas, weighing 355 lbs, with a 1/100 lb penis. The first man I've met who named himself after his favorite sexual position... J-Dog."
MATCH RESULT:J-Dog comes up from behind and knocks out Confusion with a chair. He gets on him and punches him in the face repeatedly
until Tonya tries to interfere, but the Mistress rushes to ringside and picks up Tonya, then throws her into the first row of
the ringside seating. J-Dog eventually gets the pin, and the win.
MATCH WINNER; J-Dog by pinfall
Jackson: Cleanup in aisle nine!
Dashington: Tonight's Rampage sure as hell is bloody.
Jackson: I'm wondering if this thing with Mistress and Tonya will end?
Dashington: Hey as long as I get my helping of cleavage, I'm not bitchin.
Jackson: Oh HUSH! Next match!
"Sick of You" by GWAR plays...
"Led towards the ring by Timmy the Midget...at a total combined weight of 705 lbs....Oderus Urungus and GorGor...the Sexicutioners!!!"
The Sexicutioners shake hands with the commentators.
Jackson: How nice of them! You can say what you want about the Sexicutioners, but they sure are grateful, humble folks.
Dashington: Got any hand sanitizer?
Jackson: Oh God what is wrong with you?
Dashington: Maybe President Macho will give me workers' compensation for dysentary.
"Kick the P.A." by KoRn and the Dust Brothers plays...
"Led towards the ring by Phoenix...at a total combined weight of 513 lbs...Onikage and Dark Enigma...Twist!!!!!!!"
"Dirty" Dave Dashington leaves the ringside.
Jackson: Dave? Where are you going????? Well folks looks like it's just you and me.
MATCH RESULT:What could be said about this match? This was one of
the most disturbing things ever seen. Twist came out and tried to fly
high, but were immediately grounded by the size of The Sexicutioners.
It was a very even match up on the ground. Twist was giving everything
they had, but in the end it was the Sick of You and the win for the
Sexicutioners.
MATCH WINNER: Sexicutioners by pinfall
Timmy the Midget orders his men to get a bucket, with the same shit liquid that was dumped on the Mob Brigade...this time covering Twist.
Jackson: Disgusting! Twist has become the next victim of this fecal
looking substance.
After the ring is cleaned up, "Dirty" Dave Dashington returns.
Jackson: Oh god you're back.
Dashington: This will keep the plague away for another week.
Jackson: What on earth are you talking about????
Dashington: Hey guys, need disinfectant?
Dave throws his hand sanitizer in the ring.
Jackson: (shaking his head) I think it will take a lot more than that little
bottle of Dial sanitizer to disinfect the ring.
Dashington: It took five to disinfect myself!!!!
Jackson: NEXT MATCH.
"Countdown to Extinction" by Megadeth plays...
"At a total combined weight of 653 lbs...Faces of Terror!"
The theme from the Godfather plays...
"Led towards the ring by Don Ciccolini, at a total combined weight of 585 lbs...the Mob Brigade!!!"
MATCH RESULT: This match was nothing more but an all-out brawl with weapons and dirty moves left and
right -- it was more of an annihilation than a match. The brawl ended up on the floor where Vinny
gave Thanos a last rights from the top turnbuckle to the ringside floor before he reentered the ring to
beat the 10-count.
MATCH WINNER: The Mob Brigade by countout
A camera shows Onslaught breaking things with a baseball bat, still with blood on his face. The Mistress sees him in the rage and tries to get him under control. He looks at the camera and says "You tell that Y2K asshole that I will see him saturday." and goes about his way breaking things. "GET THAT OUT OF HERE!!" Onslaught gives the cameraman a shockwave and goes on.
Jackson: Ack.
Dashington: Can you say aftershock?
Jackson: I think that registered on the Richter Scale. Next match.
"ButtTown" by Iggy Pop plays...
"At a total combined weight of 314 lbs...Buttman and Testiculeuse"
"Rocket Queen" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
"From Binghamton, NY, weighing 210 lbs....The Mistress!!!!"
MATCH RESULT: This proved to be one of Mistress' toughest matches with the jobbers so far,
for she was a victim to double teaming and often. In the end though, the momentum switched when
Mistress ducked a chair shot and Testiculeuse hit Buttman instead! The Mistress used this opportunity
to get the pin.
MATCH WINNER: The Mistress by pinfall
Jackson: Oh oh look at this...
Testiculeuse and Buttman seem to be exchanging angry words, then Buttman shoves his partner and a brawl ensues. All jobbers come out to try to break up the melee, then it turns into a bigger fiasco, with referees coming out to break it up.
Jackson: Don't you think of going in there Dave.
Dashington: Hahhahaha I could kick their asses faster than Maxx could.
Jackson: What was Maxx thinking, I wonder.
[COMMERCIAL]
"Hi, the Rock says to be the people's best, you have to eat the people's cereal.
I'm not talking oatmeal, flakes, or wheats. People who eat that need to
take their boxes of crappy cereal, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight
up their candy asses!!!!
No I'm not talking cereals with some stupid jabroni on the box like Reggie Jackson or Carl Lewis.
From Smackdown Foods comes...FROSTED JABRONIS! The Rock says you're going to eat your frosted jabronis
and you're going to love it!
A bowl of Frosted Jabronis, juice, toast with some Smackdown butter, maybe a little fruit on the side
is part of this complete breakfast.
So eat your Frosted Jabronis, or stick it straight up your candyass!"
"Insane in the Brain" by Cypress Hill plays...
"Making his RWF debut...from Tijuana, Mexico, weighing 205 lbs....El Loco Mexicano!!!"
Dashington: Luchador!
Jackson: I haven't seen lucha libre in a long, long time.
Dashington: They have it on university cable in Binghamton, the Mistress' hometown
Jackson: I also hear in the locker rooms that she watches it too
Dashington: I can't understand their commentators though...except maybe a few words
Jackson: Like?
Dashington: Taco! Burritos!
Jackson: I'll deal with you later.
"Get in the Ring" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
"Led towards the ring by Nurse Payne...from Intercourse, PA, weighing 350 lbs...TOOL!!!!"
MATCH RESULT: TOOL came out extremely overconfident in this matchup
and it nearly cost him. TOOL did dominate the match, but after hitting
a piledriver and receiving a 2 count TOOL lifted El Loco Mexicano's shoulders
in an effort to inflict more punishment. Tool then power slammed El Loco Mexicano
and went to pick him up. El Loco Mexicano rolled him up for a 2-count.
El Loco Mexicano began a flurry of ofense that led to several take downs,
dazzling aerial moves, and four more 2-counts. El Loco Mexicano threw
TOOL into the ropes but TOOL reversed it, gave El Loco Mexicano a boot
to the midsection and hit the BUZZSAW for the win .
MATCH WINNER: TOOL by pinfall.
Dashington: Alas El Loco Mexicano proved little for our TOOL. Sob sob oh well.
Jackson: I am interested to see how he fares sunday at the PPV.
Dashington: He sucks, he'll be gone in five seconds.
Jackson: Now don't count him out.
"Falling Away From Me" by KoRn plays...
"From Golden Rivers, Nevada, weighing 246 lbs...'The Golden One' El Dorado!!!!"
"Angry Chair" by Alice in Chains plays...
"Led towards the ring by the lovely Melissa...from the Deepest Recesses of Your Mind,
weighing 242 lbs...Misery!!!!"
MATCH RESULT:Before the match Peter Head warned Misery that he'd
fight fair or be dq'ed. Misery agreed to be a good boy and fight fair.
Didn't last long. El Dorado came out and gave Misery everything in his
repetoire. Misery tried to fight a good scientific match, but became
frustrated by El Dorado finally to the point he shoved Peter Head out
of the way and blasted El Dorado with the cane giving El Dorado the win.
MATCH WINNER: El Dorado by DQ
Jackson: What a reversal of roles!!! It was El Dorado who shoved the ref
in his first match, and now we see his opponent instead repeat the favor!
Dashington: It was the shit smell I tell you.
Jackson: Oh hush! That ring was disinfected! That smell should've been gone a
long time ago!
Dashington: The shitty curse, Jackson.
Jackson: And your point Dave?
Dashington: (patting Jackson on the back) watch the next match. It will come to
you when you're the least aware of it. It is time for the main event folks!
"5 Minutes Alone" by Pantera plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing 261 lbs....Jakob Creed!!!"
"Shade" by Silverchair plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing 245 lbs...Shade!!!"
MATCH RESULT: Shade didn't waste any time getting this match started as he run towards the ring and began his assult on Creed. The match went in and out of the ring, one of the instances, metal steps being used as a weapon on Creed, busting him wide open. Creed eventually got momentum and turned it into a figure four, but Shade managed to barely grab the ropes and the referee ordered Creed to break the hold. The two fought on the ring apron, with Shade getting thrown into the commentator's table, breaking it.
Dashington: WHOA!!!
Jackson: Excuse me...could we get another table please?
Dashington: I think I'm enjoying this and the fans must be too!
Creed drags Shade back into the ring and hooks on the sleeper, but Shade
elbows out and does a flying bodypress, but Jakob flips over and gets the
three count.
MATCH WINNER: Jakob Creed by pinfall
Dashington: I wanna watch it again!
Jackson: If you're a good boy Santa will give you his copy.
Dashington: Oh goody!
"Out of Space" by Prodigy plays...
Y2K walks to the ring and grabs the mic.
Jackson: Wait a minute, what's this????
"I heard someone was looking for me 'eh? I heard through the grapevine that Onslaught wants to meet with me, eh? Well..here's your--"
"Rocket Queen" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
Here comes the Mistress, whip and all, and a mic. She remains standing at the entranceway between the lockers and the aisle.
"If you really wanted a match with Onslaught Y2K, why didn't you just say so...I have signed one for this Saturday Night Slaughter."
HUGE pop.
"Oh wait...I forgot to tell you and everyone else here...Saturday Night Slaughter, being 24 hours from the Thanksgiving Day Massacre, will
be STIPULATION night. Y2K, you and Onslaught will be meeting not in a ring, but on a scaffold above the ring."
Another pop.
"AND below the scaffold positioned with cinder blocks on each side, is a sheet of glass. Whine and cry or gloat if you want pal, one of you
two is going to crash -- Hahahahaha no pun intended -- this saturday."
"As for the rest of the card:
I have a handicap match with Cartel;
Jakob Creed and El Dorado will meet in a first blood match;
Sexicutioners vs. Mob Brigade, but this time a NYC Street Fight -- It will take place in a parking lot with weapons around;
TOOL vs. Confusion in a razor bat match;
Onikage vs. J-Dog in two out of three falls;
Faces of Terror vs. Buttman and Testiculeuse -- barbed wire match;
And...Shade vs. Dark Enigma in an 18 wheeler brawl: exactly like a boiler room brawl except in an 18 wheeler.
Now Pittsburgh, how is that for a card?"
POP.
Jackson: Are you going to be watching Slaughter?
Dashington: Damn right I am! These are great matches!
Jackson: That's all from the Steel City. Goodnight and see you saturday on stipulation night!