Camera pans across a jam packed arena. Scenes from Wed night are shown. A fan is seen holding a sign that reads "GOLDBERG: WHO CARES?" and another fan has a sign that says "AUSTIN SUCKS/MISTRESS RULES" Dr. Macho is in the ring.
Dr. Macho: Welcome to Binghamton for Sat. Night Slaughter! *crowd pops* Are you ready for some action? *crowd pops louder* Allow me to introduce tonights commentators, Chris "that crazy canuck" Stafford and The Maxx!" The commentators stand and wave.
Chris: Welcome everyone to Sat night Slaughter I'm your host Chris Stafford and with me is The Maxx
Maxx: Yeah Bite me
Chris: That was rude
Maxx if you can't appreciate me making myself at home by acting like a New Yorker then you can bite me too.
Chris: Whatever. The prez is still talking
Maxx: He just keeps going and going and going...
Chris: Stop it!
Dr. Macho: "Tonight's card is a beaut. We kick off with a batt-well, make that a jobber royale. One of these men will be guaranteed at least one RWF victory. The winner is placed in a 3-way match against TOOL and Confusion."
*Dr. Macho holds up his lead filled cue stick*
"Speaking of Confusion, listen little boy, after the shit you pulled consider yourself lucky you are
allowed in my ring & not cleaning toilets! Get in MY way & you'll be stuck in opening cards...as P.N.
GEEK'S valet! Let's start the damn card! "
*Dr. Macho exits the ring*
Chris: Strong words from the Prez
Maxx: P.N. who? didn't he fight in WCW and ECW?
Chris: No, That was P.N. News
Maxx: Is there a difference?
Chris: other than 200-300 lbs, no not really
Here is the intro. Here comes the royale
The ring announcer enters the ring with a mic.
"Welcome to Binghamton NY our first event is a 10 man over the top rope battle royale."
No music plays as the men walk to the ring almost single file
CS: There is the brooklyn Pussy
Maxx: My choice, the hometown favorite
CS: This isn't Brooklyn.
Maxx: close enough
CS: Here is Blast, Buttman, Boo Yah, and Testiculese
Maxx: The Greek porn star
CS: *sighing* Here comes Uncle Sham and Vicious Vegetarian
Maxx: Who are these guys? I should go in there and clean house
CS: Here comes my pick, The Ravishing Redneck
Maxx: (singing) One of those words doesn't belong there ...
CS: (laughing) here is Obi-wan Jabronie
Maxx: Use some force Luke I am your father
CS: (Still laughing shakes his head) finally P.N. Geek
Maxx: What the fuck! Pinochio lives! (begins singing again) He has no strings to hold him...
CS: (can't talk from laughing at The Maxx)
Bell rings.
CS: (calming down) Where are you going?
Maxx: (standing) you'll see
Maxx gets up and removes his headset and enters the battle royale
CS: oh, jeez. Here we go. The action is hot from the start. Maxx goes after P.N. Geek, he ducks! Back drop! (laughing hysterically) This is too good! P.N. Geek just eliminated The Maxx!
Maxx is eliminated
CS: (still laughing) Blast goes after Buttman who is tangling with Uncle Sham
Maxx rejoins the broadcast*
CS: enjoy your flight?
Maxx: fuck you
CS: (laughing) Brooklyn Pussy, Obi-wan Jabronie, and P.N.Geek...
Maxx: fuck him too, little bastard
CS: ...are ganging u on Ravishing Redneck. He grabs them and tosses them like nothing!
Brooklyn Pussy, Obi-wan Jabronie, and P.N. Geek were eliminated
CS: Happy now?
Maxx: yes
CS: There goes Buttman helped by Vicious Vegetarian
Buttman eliminated
CS: down to 6
Maxx: Make that 4 Redneck just dropkicked Uncle Sham into Vicious Vegetarian & they are both gone.
Uncle Sham and Vicious Vegetarian have been eliminated
CS: down to 3 now as Blast missed a cross body and flew over the top
Blast is eliminated
CS: That leaves Ravishing Redneck against BooYah and Testiculese. They charge Redneck.
Maxx: That was brilliant seeing as how he backdropped them both over.
Testiculese and BooYah eliminated
Announcer: "The winner of the match & 3rd participant in the 3-way match later tonight The RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-Avishing RRRRRRRRRRRedneck!
Maxx: What the hell is going on in the back?
Camera finds referee Rich Cashington standing from the waist up. Tonya stands suddenly and says, "There is more where that came from, but only if I win." She turns and walks away wiping off her chin.
CS: Good God what was that?
Maxx: I though only presidents got that kind of treatment
CS: Here is our tag match.
Theme from The GODFATHER plays.
"At a combined weight of 585lbs Vinny and Marcellus The Mog Brigade. Being led to the ring by
The god father Don Ciccolini"
Boos and bad mockeries of Italian accents comes from the crowd
Maxx: (in a Marlon Brando impression) There may be a time a call upon you to perform a small service.
"At a combined weight of 705lbs being led to ring by Timmy the Midget Oderus Urungus and GorGor
The Sexecutioners!"
The crowd cheers.
Maxx: where is the deer?
CS: Shut up!
MATCH RESULT: Vinny and GorGor start first the match off with a lockup and a few kicks. Vinny manages to take down GorGor with a DDT but when he reaches the top rope to prepare for the Last Rites, Oderus Urungus pushes him off the turnbuckle. Vinny takes a hell of a beating from GorGor until he kicks out of a sleeper by Oderus and manages to pull a dropkick off. He crawls over to tag Marcellus, who ambushes GorGor with a flurry of moves including a tombstone piledriver. After a two count, Oderus attempts to whip Marcellus into the ropes but it is reversed and Oderus flies into the referee knocking the two out! Marcellus and Vinny perform the Kiss of Death on Oderus and Vinny gets a pin, but the referee is still out. As Vinny walked over to revive the ref, Timmy the Midget smacks Vinny and Marcellus in the knee with a sledgehammer. The Sexicutioners set up Vinny for Sick of You, and then GorGor makes the pin just in time for the referee to come to and make a three-count.
MATCH WINNER: Sexicutioners
After the match: Timmy gets out some icky looking shit-brown liquid in a bucket and pours it on the Mob Brigade.
Maxx: somebody call rotorooter?
CS: that was...gross.
Maxx: Whoa! What's this?
Marcellus gets up and chases Timmy to ringside, where he catches up with him and slams him. He drags the midget to the center of the ring where the Mob Brigade performs the Kiss of Death on him.
Maxx: Hot damn! Thank god I'm not under four feet tall!
CS: Somebody call the paramedics!
Maxx: You ever seen this in matches back in Canada?
CS: Thankfully not, nor anything like the Sexicutioners. Again, quite thankfully. Let's go to the next match.
The theme from Deliverance plays...
"Being led to the ring by Bobbie Jo....from Man, WV weighing in at 400 lbs...this is the RRRRRRRRRRRRR-avishing RRRRRRRR-edneck!!!!"
Maxx: Redneck got lucky
CS: Uh - I don't know about that.
"State of Confusion" by the Kinks plays
"Being led towards the ring by the Mistress of Masturbation Tonya --"
Tonya and Confusion both flip middle fingers towards the announcer.
"From the State of Confusion, weighing 280 lbs....Cooooonnnnnnnnfusion!!!!"
Confusion takes the mic and gropes Tonya.
"Check this out kiddies...isn't this the greatest titties that you've ever seen? Even better than your woman's and even your mamma's?"
The crowd begins an "ASSHOLE" chant. One ringside spectator shouts something towards Confusion.
"Oh sit down and shut the fuck up! You know damn well that your woman's face can break a mirror!"
"Get in the Ring" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
"Being led towards the ring by Nurse Payne..."
Maxx: HELLO NURSE!!!
CS: Looks like the Confused one isn't the only one bringing a date
"From Intercourse, PA, weighing 350 lbs. The master of the Buzzsaw....TOOL!!!!!"
MATCH RESULT: The Redneck was pissing around spitting out his tobacco when Confusion started hitting on Bobbie Jo.
This angered Redneck, who started to exchange some angry words with Confusion, but became a victim of a wedgie by TOOL.
The two exchange blows before Confusion grabs the two and bang their heads together. The Redneck goes down for the three count by Confusion.
RAVISHING REDNECK WAS ELMINATED BY CONFUSION
Confusion and TOOL go nose to nose exchanging a couple of words. He tries to swing TOOL into the ropes but the move is reversed with Confusion going into the ropes then getting a boot in the face. TOOL sets up Confusion for the buzzsaw, but Tonya steals the ringside bell and knocks out TOOL. Nurse Payne pulls Tonya out of the ring and a catfight takes place while Confusion covers TOOL for the pin.
MATCH WINNER: Confusion
CS: Here comes the Mistress!!
Maxx: Look at all these chicks!!
The Mistress rushes in the ring with her bullwhip and smacks Confusion around a bunch. She saves Nurse Payne from getting pummeled when she chokes Tonya with the whip until 3-4 referees come out and pull the Mistress off of her.
"Just a Jigalo" by David Lee Roth plays...
Dr. Macho walks out with several hot New York babes.
Maxx: my hero
Dr. Macho grabs the mic.
"Ladies, so glad you could make it on time for the next bout...which is yours.
Crowd pops.
"As for my announcement of the match stipulation...the Mistress/Tonya match will be a dog collar-strap match."
MAJOR Pop.
"Both ladies will have a dog collar placed around her neck and a leather strap tied around her wrist. The first lady
to touch all four ring posts in succession is the winner. Now our first competitor, The Mistress of Masturbation Tonya!
"State of Confusion" by The Kinks plays...
Confusion walks out with Tonya and is intercepted and escorted to the back with security. Huge pop from the crowd. Tonya begins arguing with Dr. Macho for a few, but the referee coaxes her to her corner.
Referee Rich Cashington begins to prep Tonya for the match
"And her opponent, Commishioner Mistress"
"Rocket Queen" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
Crowd pops
Referee finishes adjusting Tonya's as Dr. Macho hooks The Mistress.
CS: This should be interesting.
Maxx: mistres looks right at home all bondaged up like that
CS: Oh brother, there's the bell.
MATCH RESULT: This was a typical catfight pretty much. Lots of hair pulling and clothes getting torn off. Maybe way too much, as the ladies were down to their lingerie.
The Mistress managed to bring Tonya to three turnbuckles, followed by the Tonya touching her opponent in those very turnbuckles but in the end referee Rich Cashington shoved Tonya into the final turnbuckle and raised the Mistress' hand in victory.
MATCH WINNER: The Mistress
CS: I told you this would be interesting!
Maxx: both chicks are almost nude! and Mistress keeps using that strap just like a whip!
CS: What a screw job!
Maxx: Not now it won't be
CS: Mistress and tonya really went at it in the end. Both women drug one another around the 3 corners and
hit them at the same time. As Tonya was dragging The Mistress to the last turnbuckle Cashington shoved
tonya into the turnbuckle giving Mistress the win. Cashington has a mic.
"Listen you little slut! Don't ever think you can bribe me! My job is more important to me than your lung power!
Cashington drops the mic and exits the ring.
Maxx: What????
CS: Cashington comes to his senses! I never thought that I'd see the day!
Maxx: DUMBASS! Hey Tonya, you can bribe me anyday baby!
CS: Don't let the Confused one hear that!
Maxx: I wonder if he shares?
CS: Next match!
"Ladies and gentleman, I have just been informed of a match just signed for tonight's card. The following contest is scheduled for one fall... introducing first:"
"King Nothing" by Metallica plays
"Accompanied by Phoenix, from parts unknown, weighing at 260 lbs...this is Dark Enigma"
"Shade" by Silverchair plays
"And his opponent, from parts unknown, weighing 245 pounds...this is Shade"
CS: As you see folks, the talent at the RWF grows day by day!
Maxx: This looks to be a hell of a match
MATCH RESULT: Dark Enigma starts off in control ...eventually applying a sleeper hold, but Shade breaks it and drags Dark Enigma to ringside where he gives Enigma a vertical suplex. As the two returned to the ring, Dark Enigma manages to get to his feet,gives Shade a belly to belly suplex and tries a pin but only gets a two count. Dark Enigma tries for a vertical suplex, but Shade blocks it and flips
Dark Enigma over. He gets the timekeeper's bell and cracks Enigma's skull open. Buttman and Testiculeuse both jump on the ring apron, but Phoenix grabs the singapore cane and tries to sneakattack Shade. Shade grabs Testiculeuse and flips him over on Phoenix, then he grabs Buttman and flips him onto Dark Enigma. Shade drags Phoenix across Buttman's (still on Dark Enigma) head, and Testiculeuse on Buttman's groin region then puts his hand on Phoenix's back and makes the three count.
MATCH WINNER: Shade by pinfall
CS: WOW! Shade is a rather impressive up and comer in the RWF!
Maxx: I'll take a double decker beef sammich please.
CS: Hold the rye.
Camera shows referee Rich Cashington bleeding, naked, and on the hallway floor, with the words "property of the State of Confusion" spray painted on Cashington's nude body.
CS: I don't understand this Confusion guy, other than the fact that the testosterone got the best of him
Maxx: Apparantely I can understand what he sees in Tonya!
CS: NEXT MATCH
"5 Minutes Alone" by Pantera plays...
"From parts unknown, weighing 261 lbs...Jakob Creed"
Crowd cheers.
"Angry Chair" by Alice in Chains plays...
"From the Deepest Recesses of your Mind, weighing 242 lbs...Misery"
Crowd boos.
MATCH RESULT: The match started out with an exchange of blows and take-downs. Melissa was rather active in the match, even clotheslining Creed. Misery puts an arm wrench on Creed, but that does not keep Creed down as he was in control for most of the match using a barrage of knees. After giving Misery a neckbreaker, the action spills onto ringside, where Misery receives a painful gut-wrench power bomb. Upon the two returning to the ring, Misery tries to get back in control, but goes on the receiving end of a DDT and is covered for the pin.
MATCH WINNER: Jakob Creed
CS: What a match!!!
Maxx: Oh-oh what's this?
While Melissa tends to Misery, a masked man runs to the ring and attacks Misery with a barrage of kicks to the midsection. Melissa jumps on the man to attack him but he throws her off. He then produces a crowbar and beats Misery savagely with it in the kidneys. This mysterious man then rushes back to the locker room.
CS: What was that all about?
Maxx: Geez Shade doesn't even know the guy
CS: Lots of confusing (no pun intended) things tonight...I'm Chris "That Crazy Canuck" Stafford and on behalf of myself, the Maxx, and the RWF, thanks for joining us and good night from Binghamton, New York!!