Pyrotechnics ignite and Rampage Wrestling Federation is ready for business.
The camera finds co-eds at the swimming pool and around the Fairmont State College campus.
The ring announcer enters the ring and takes a mic.
"Ladies and gentlemen are you ready for the debut of the RAMPAGE WRESTLING FEDERATION?!!!!!!!!"
Crowd cheers.
"Well here we go! Introducing the President of the company DR. MACHO!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Just a Gigolo" by David Lee Roth plays...
Dr. Macho walks to ringside with some very attractive coeds on his arm. He lets them in the ring.
He pulls a mic from his jacket and steps through the ropes.
"Ladiesandgentlemenboysandgirlschildrenofawwwwskip it! Welcome to the debut of the Rampage Wrestling Federation. We are putting a
little show on for you tonight to showcase the talent we have for 1. To increase our talent base when people see what product we have and 2. Our athletes are
getting antsy. There will be NO titles tonight as they are still in the process of being made. Now, I'd like to introduce our commishioner who will keep things on
the straight and narrow, THE MISTRESS!
Crowd pops as The Mistress cracks her whip. She is wearing not her usual leather sleeveless bodysuit, but a business suit similiar to the one Debra wears.
She comes into the ring and her and Dr. Macho embrace. The Mistress takes the mic.
"Enough of the sentimental bullshit let's get to business. Welcome children, to the jungle...where you know....as DrMacho said, fuck it!!! I am your
commissioner, The Mistress, and you know damn well that I speak softly and carry a whip!! And now I want you to meet your announcers for this evening of
festivities... Gentleman" John Jackson and "Dirty Dave Dashington!!
The crowd pops as the commentators stand and wave to the crowd.
Jackson: ALL-RIGHT!! Check this crowd out! How are you guys?
Dashington: They can't hear you ,you dumbass...
Jackson: Oh they do Dave, they do...welcome to the RWF, I'm John Jackson, your "gentleman" and this is "Dirty" Dave Dashington. How are ya Dave?
Dashington: Not bad John, not bad! I'm ready for some whoopass!
Jackson: So is this Feaster Center crowd, it's as if the energy reverberates through the venue...let's go to our first match.
The ring announcer steps in.
"The following contest is scheduled for one fall."
"Pencil Neck Geek" by Fred Blassie plays...
"Introducing first from the travelling circus standing at 5'10" tall weighing in at a superheavy 100lbs he is P.N. GEEK!!
"Get In The Ring" by Guns 'N Roses plays...
"And his opponent Standing 6'9" tall weighing in at 350 lbs He is the master of the Buzzsaw, TOOL!!!!!"
Dashington: JESUS! This guy is a stick puppet!
Jackson: I hope Tool didn't hear that.
Dashington: No dumbass, I meant Geek! Someone forgot to take his roids today!
MATCH RESULT : TOOL spends the first 5 minutes of the match standing against a turnbuckle and just
watching, filing his nails in between while P.N. Geek shook his fists trying to incite a fight. He
is finally successful, but doesn't do a thing when he becomes a victim to TOOL's BUZZSAW and then a
pinfall.
MATCH WINNER: TOOL by pinfall
Jackson: Well, that didn't last long.
Dashington: Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!!!
Jackson: Oh HUSH!
"New York, New York" by Sinatra plays...
"Standing at 6'1" weighing in at 239 lbs. master of the Bronx Cheer he is the Brooklyn Pussy!"
Jackson: Looks more like Andrew Dice Clay's long lost brother.
Dashington: Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet...eating --
Jackson: There are children watching, Dave!!!
"State of Confusion" by the Kinks plays...
A tall blonde man -- Confusion -- walks out with a blonde buxom babe, but they stop in the middle of the aisle. Confusion gropes her puppies showing them off to the crowd.
Jackson: Please. I just ate.
"His opponent weighing in at 280 lbs. and standing at 6'2" master of the Wrath of God being led to the ring by The Mistress of Masturbation Tonya, he is from the State of Confusion. I give you--Confusion!"
Tonya at that point grabs "Dirty" Dave's chair and smacks the ring announcer with it. She takes his mic and says "I don't need to do that thank you!"
Dashington: WHOA!!!
Jackson: The match hasn't started and already someone gets the living TAR beat from him.
Dashington: I think I like her already!
Jackson: Oh boy.
MATCH RESULT: Confusion was setting up the Brooklyn Pussy for the Wrath of God when Commishioner
Mistress choked out Tonya with her whip. Prez Macho went to assist Tonya and while he wasn't looking hit
the Seal of Disapproval on Confusion giving The Brooklyn Pussy the easy win.
MATCH WINNER: The Brooklyn Pussy by pinfall
Dashington: CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP
Jackson: Hahhahahaha I love it!! That Confusion fellow seems to create a sick feeling in my stomach.
Look at the way he shows off Tonya like a prize trophy!
Dashington: Admit it John you would show off a babe like that too!!! WOO!!!
Jackson: Wait a minute, what's this I see here...
The cameras show a heated argument between Tonya and the Mistress. This exchange of words turns into a hair pulling contest (started by Tonya), and then an intense catfight, clothing torn left and right. The RWF referees and DrMacho rush to ring side to break up the combat, DrMacho having to pull the Mistress off of Tonya.
Dashington: CATFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jackson: That Tonya is one sore loser -- she can whine all she wants about a broken nail, but that instigator deserves it.
Dashington: Oh geez blame someone will ya. I can care less, I love the sight of women clawing at each other! Now where's the mud or jello when ya need it???
Jackson: Geez.
Dr. Macho grabs the mic.
"Tonya, Mistress, I know you two have a history, and it seems as if you can't contain yourselves. Therefore,
I am going to sign a match between you to for SATURDAY NIGHT SLAUGHTER!"
The Crowd goes BESERK.
"Now...name your stipulation." At that point the Mistress takes the mic.
"Dr. Macho: NAME THE DAMN STIPULATION." She grins and the crowd pops.
Jackson: The two women are going to battle saturday! Tonya will get smacked in the face for sure!
Dashington: I think it will be more than a smack, John...
Jackson: You know, I am agreeing with you for once, Dave. This is gonna be a hell of a match Saturday Night!
Now on to our next bout.
Darth Vader's theme plays...
"Introducing first from a galaxy far far away being led to the ring by Princess Layme standing at 6'2" weighing in at 225 lbs he is Obi-Wan Jabronie"
Dashington: OBI-WAN JABRONIE? What the HELL is that???
Jackson: If you sit still maybe you will find out!
Dashington: The jobber roster gets weirder by the minute
"Angry Chair" by Alice in Chains plays...
"His opponent hailing from The Deepest Recesses of the Mind Standing 6'2" weighing in at 242 lbs he is the Master of the Bi-Polar DDT and The Hardcore Icon
Misery being escorted by Melissa"
Misery takes the mic.
"Obi-Wan Jabronie...I'm sure many have asked you, but I'm dying to know...what planet did YOU come from?"
Misery snickers and the crowd goes wild.
Jackson: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Dashington: ha ha ha that was funny.
Jackson: Yes, I thought so.
MATCH RESULT: Obi-Wan attacked Misery right after that comment, but it didn't last long as Misery started to block the
right-hands and whip him into the ropes. Melissa threw Misery a Singapore cane at the same time, allowing Misery to blast Obi-Wan
and cover him for the pin.
MATCH WINNER: Misery by pinfall
Jackson: Goes to show you that you don't push Misery, no way.
Dashington: That Melissa's a babe
Jackson: I think someone received too high of a testosterone dosage. Next bout.
"5 Minutes Alone" by Pantera plays...
"For our final match of the night standing 6'4" weighing 261 lbs master of Jakob's ladder Jakob Creed"
The theme from "Deliverance" plays...
"His opponent weighing in at 400 lbs standing 6'6" from Man, WV he is The Ravishing Redneck"
MATCH RESULT: The Ravishing Redneck seemed to be pounding Jakob using his size and strength, but when
he attempted a splash from the ringropes, Jakob rolls out of the way. This became an opportunity
for Jakob to deliver some kicks to the Redneck, then set him up with an inverted DDT for the win.
MATCH WINNER: Jakob Creed by pinfall
Dashington: If you have crappy gimmicks like this one...you might be a redneck.
Jackson: Jakob Creed picks up a win.
Dashington: Looks like it's back to the trailer for the Redneck
Jackson : Creed is a force to be reckoned...wait I just got word of a disturbance in the locker room, let's go to our cameras.
The cameras show Tonya in the doorway of the shower room going wild like some high school cheerleader. As the cameras peek in TOOL
is shown on the floor, being kicked by Confusion.
"Ya little jackass, I am the one with the power drill. You can take your little screwdriver and play with it because that's how you're
going to spend your time in the RWF. See ya sucker!"
TOOL is left busted open on the shower floor.
Dashington: Confusion doesn't waste any time now does he?
Jackson: Definitely a force to be reckoned with indeed, but wait until TOOL comes around
Dashington: IF he comes around HAHHAHAHHAHA
Jackson: Wait, what is the Mistress doing out here?
"Rocket Queen" by Guns 'N Roses plays
The Mistress walks out with a mic in her hand. She enters the ring.
"Fairmont, how are you?"
The crowd pops.
"Glad to hear you are having a good time in Fairmont, ya know having once lived 30 minutes from here I know you guys like to have a rockin' time!
And the Mistress personally thanks you on behalf of Dr. Macho for checking out the RWF!"
Pop.
"However, that is really not the only reason I speak to you at this moment. I come to announce the plans for the next card, televised on saturday
night - SATURDAY NIGHT SLAUGHTER. Saturday's card will be at...BROOME COUNTY VETERAN'S MEMORIAL ARENA in my hometown, BINGHAMTON, NEW YORK!!! I hope
New York is ready for a RAMPAGE!
Anyway, allow me to introduce DR. MACHO!!!"
"Just a Gigolo" by David Lee Roth plays.
Dr. Macho walks to the ring with three co-eds. He holds the ropes open for them, then enters and the Mistress hands him the mic.
"Alright Fairmont, we have matches signed for the SLAUGHTER...
As you well know, The Mistress vs. Tonya, stipulation to be decided.
There will be a jobber battle royal, the winner of the match will fae Confusion and Tool in a three-way elimination match!
And our main event...Jakob Creed vs. Misery"
Jackson: Here's part of Saturday's card!
Dashington: I must say I'm looking forward to it
Jackson: And we agree again, Dave. This brings this weeks' Wednesday Night Rampage to an end. Good night and see you Saturday from Binghamton!