Everybody Needs to Pay House Bills

(parody of the song "Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen" by Baz Luhrmann, 1999)



Brothers of the Theta Xi Fraternity,

Pay your house bills.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,

House bills would be it.

The long term benefits of paying your house bills have been proved by Treasurers,

Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own experience as
a brother.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the friendship and brotherhood of being a Theta Xi;

Oh nevermind; you will not understand the friendship and brotherhood of being a
Theta Xi

Until you have graduated.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at composites

And recall in a way you can’t grasp now

How much possibility lay before you and

How much fun you were having.

Things are not as bad as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future;

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective

As trying to get everyone to show up for a work party.

The real troubles for the fraternity

Are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind,

Because your hardworking president took care of them before they could.

Do one thing everyday that benefits the fraternity.

Rush

Don’t make a mess of your fraternity house,

Don’t put up with brothers who do make a mess of it.

Rush

Don’t waste your time on rivalries with other fraternities;

Some will be bigger than us

Some will be smaller than us

There are a lot of fraternities, and when it comes down to it,

Theta Xi is the best fraternity

Remember the good times you have, forget the bad times;

If you succeed in doing this, tell everyone else how.

Keep your old t shirts, throw away your old fine slips.

Rush

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t hold an office in the fraternity.

The fraternity needs followers as well as leaders.

Just try to be a good follower.

Drink plenty of beer,

But be kind to your liver

You don’t want to become an alcoholic.

Maybe you’ll hold office, maybe you won’t,

Maybe you’ll fail out of school, maybe you won’t,

Maybe you’ll get financially suspended,

Maybe you’ll give a half hour of remarks at the last chapter of your FUBIG
quarter.

Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.

What happens to you happens, and it does for everyone else too.

Have fun, even if you don’t have a huge party with an expensive band

Spend time with your brothers, even if you don’t want to drink.

Do not haze pledges it will only get you busted.

Get to know your alumni, you never know when they might give you money.

Be nice to your brothers;

They are the best link to your college years

and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,

But our brotherhood bond is forever.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle

Because the older you get,

The more you want to hang out with the brothers you knew when you were in college

Live out of house once,

But leave before it makes you broke;

Live in house once,

But don’t leave your crap in any vacant rooms.

Rush

Accept certain inalienable truths,

Not everyone will do their house tasks,

Everyone will bitch in chapter,

You too will graduate,

And when you do you’ll fantasize

That when you were active

The house was clean,

Chapter was painless,

And brothers kept in touch with all the alumni.

Keep in touch with all your alumni.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you’ll get huge alumni donations,

Maybe everyone will actually pay their house bill,

But we all know this will probably never happen.

Don’t drink too much beer,

Or you might fail out of school.

Be careful whose advice you buy,

But, be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia,

Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,

Wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts,

And getting up in chapter and rambling for 10 minutes.

But trust me on the house bills!



YITB

Jason

BZ 754