EWA Presents

Jon: "Welcome everyone, to Wednesday Night Warfare! I'm Jon Marx, and this is m' colleague, Derek Ash."

Derek: "Hey are you talking about me behind my back again?"

Jon: "So what if I am?"

Derek: "You know what happened to you last time."

Jon: "Oh please, that was child's play compared to what's going to happen this week."

Derek: "Oh yeah, well don't make me call your mother."

Jon: [stands and starts shaking his butt] "Look at me! I'm shaking' my butt on national TV!

Derek: "That's it." {Ash leans back and punts him over the table.}

Jon: [grabs Derek's leg from under the table, and pulls him out of his seat] "Take that, bitch."

Derek: "Hey I got those swizzle sticks you wanted."

Jon: [takes swizzle sticks] "Ooh, swizzle sticks."

Derek: "I knew that would shut him up. Now lets see what have we got in store for you tonight.

Derek: "Tonight we have the match you folks have been waiting for, the Three Way Rematch from last week. That should be a great one.

Derek: "We also have a wild main event featuring two hardcore fanatics. JD Freeman vs. the Suicide King."

Jon: "All that, and beverages too!"

Derek: "Ok let's go straight to our first match."

Jon: "This one features two rising young stars here in the EWA.... Umm, who's in this match?"

Derek: "That dredge guy and maybe Simmons. Is that right Jeanie? Ah hell, she doesn't know anyway."

Jon: "Oh, you mean lemon scented pledge Vs Ray Simmons."

Derek: "Yeah that's it!"

A large steel cage hangs precariously over the ring. Slowly it is lowered into position around the ring. Workers scurry out of the ring, having replaced the ropes with barbed wire. The cage comes to a stop with a loud clanking thud, surrounding the ring with its presence. A bank of car batteries is wheeled to ring side on a little cart. A worker is about to attach a pair of jumper cables to the cage when Vice President Artful comes down to ringside carrying a large cardboard box, and stops him. Artful takes a microphone from the ring announcer, and sets the box and the timekeeper's table.

Artful: "You know, these two guys have a lot of balls to get inside that soon to be electrified steel cage. One wrong move and either one of them could be cooked in an instant. Now, I thought to myself, how could we make this match more exciting? Well, first off, I'm not a big fan of barbed wire." (Crowd begins to boo) "That's why we're replacing the barbed wire in this match, with razor wire!"

The workers scurry back into the ring and start replacing the barbed wire with razor wire as the crowd begins to cheer again. Artful reaches into the cardboard box and pulls out a tazer. He flips the switch to the on position, then jabs it into the throat of an over enthusiastic fan at ringside. The fan begins to convulse wildly as the tazer discharges into his body. Artful pulls the tazer away from the fan's throat, and holds it into the air. The fan drops to the ground, stunned and twitching, as drool runs down the side of his face, forming a nice puddle on the floor.

Artful: "This, as you can plainly see, is a tazer."

Artful tosses the tazer to one of the workers. The tazer discharges into the workers hand, sending him to the floor, in much the same state as the fan. Another worker picks up the tazer, turns it off, and then places it back in the cardboard box. He picks up the box, and carries it into the ring. Artful: "Inside that box are 12 tazers. One tazer will be placed inside each of the turnbuckles so that the connectors protrude ever so slightly. Every time someone is thrown into the corner, the tazers will discharge, adding a little spark to the match. This, along with the razor wire and electrified cage, should make for a really super exciting match."

The crowd goes insane with joy as Artful leaves the ringside area. After a few moments the razor wire and tazers are installed, and the workers exit the ring. One of the workers connects the jumper cables to the cage, and waits by the batteries for the signal.

"Hell's Bells" by AC/DC begins to play, and "Hardcore" Ray Simmons makes his way down to ringside. He runs his hand over the side of the cage, and nods his head in approval. He climbs up the steps, and into the ring. As he goes through the ropes, the razor wire tears huge gashes into his back, but Simmons only laughs as he shrugs off the pain.

The music abruptly changes to "Bad to the bone" by George Thorogood and Johnny Sledge steps out from the backstage area. He looks down at the giant cage, and rubs his hand across his chin. Walking briskly, Sledge makes it to ringside, and onto the ring apron. He runs a finger over the razor wire, which easily slices through the skin like a knife through warm butter. Blood begins to spurt out of the open wound, as the cage door is slammed shut behind Sledge. The worker on the outside connects the jumper cables to the batteries, and a low hum fills the air. A faint blue glow surrounds the cage as the power of several thousand volts of electricity pulses through the steel bars.

Sledge steps through the ropes. Simmons lunges forward, hitting Sledge with a double axe handle. Sledge drives his elbow into Simmons gut twice, causing him to back away. Simmons and Sledge lock up. Simmons gets the smaller man into a headlock. Sledge pushes Simmons into ropes. The razor wire tears into Simmons flesh as he rebounds into a drop kick by Sledge. Sledge gets to his feet first, and grabs Simmons by the leg, pulling him towards the ropes. Simmons grabs Sledge's trunks, and rolls him into a small package. The ref counts...1...2...Kickout. Simmons jumps to his feet, and grabs Sledge by the hair. The ref cautions Simmons, who glares back at the ref menacingly. Simmons headbuts Sledge, staggering him. Simmons bursts forth, nailing Sledge with a standing clothesline that sends him to the mat. Simmons kicks Sledge a couple times while he is down, then picks him up again. Simmons whips Sledge into the corner. Sledge hits the turnbuckle hard, setting off one of the tazers. Simmons laughs as Sledge falls face first onto the mat, twitching violently. A frothy white foam spews from Sledges mouth as Simmons rolls him over, covering him as the ref counts...1...2...Simmons pulls Sledges shoulder off the mat playfully. Still unable to move, Sledge can only twitch as Simmons picks him up off the mat, then slams his rigid body back down to the mat. Sledges body goes limp as he regains control of his motor functions. Simmons argues with the ref for no real reason as the crowd eggs him on.

Sledge staggers to his feet. Simmons sees Sledge, then pushes the ref aside, and runs at him. Sledge drops to the mat as Simmons dives at him. Missing his target, Simmons flies headfirst through the ropes and into the cage wall. The electricity in the cage walls doesn't have time to do any real damage, only a few singed hairs, as Simmons bounces off, and lies draped over the middle rope. Sledge grabs both of Simmons feet, and gives a hearty tug, pulling him back into the ring. Blood stains the mat as Simmons gets to his feet, several more gashes leaking the life giving liquid that once coursed through his veins. Sledge goes for a dropkick, but Simmons catches him in mid air, turning it into a powerbomb.

Simmons picks Sledge up again, and hit him with a second power bomb. Simmons picks up Sledge, and begins choking him. The ref tries to get Simmons to break the hold, which he does, but Simmons then grabs the ref by the throat, and lifts him off the ground. With a primal scream, Simmons tosses the ref like a sack of potatoes into the wall of the cage. Sparks fly as Thousands of volts of direct current electricity flow into the body of the ref, charring flesh and clothing alike, and leaving a lovely scent in the air.

Simmons turns his attention back to Sledge, who is gasping for air in the corner. Simmons sets Sledge up for the doomsday device. Looking around, Simmons sees no steel chair available, so, he shrugs his shoulders and slams Sledge down to the mat with the double underhook DDT that is the doomsday device minus the steel chair. A smirk comes over Simmons face as he covers Sledge for the pin. From the outside a ref counts...1...2...3!

Winner: "Hardcore" Ray Simmons via Doomsday device minus the steel chair.

Derek: "Oh my god Jeanie, he's gone into sugar fits. {Marx is up dancing around} Bring out my pan."

Jon: [singing] we are the world.... We are the children.....

Derek: {Derek takes a huge frying pan and brains Jon over the head, he then settles down and says,}

"Oh yes, who do we have next. It looks like DJ Friday is gonna KO someone tonight. Just like me."

Jon: [calmly sits down] "Thank you. Things are so very clear now."

Derek: "You needed that!"

Jon: "Yes, yes I did."

Flying Fury is standing in the ring awaiting DJ Friday. The crowd is booing and yelling obscenities at Fury. Fury is yelling back and is flipping off the crowd as DJ's entrance music starts playing over the PA system. DJ comes walking to the ring and the crowd gives him a good pop. Even though he lost last week, the crowd has gotten behind the guy for his guts in staying with JD Freeman blow for blow at last weeks Heaven and Hell.

DJ climbs in the ring and Fury confronts him and starts yelling in his face, "you ain't shit little man, I'm gonna tear you a new ass!" DJ just looks at Fury, laughs and walks away to the opposite turnbuckle. Fury runs over and slaps him in the back of the head. DJ turns around and sees Fury laughing at him, so he hauls off and decks him in the face. The crowd goes nuts as Fury falls to the canvas.

DJ jumps on top of him and starts wailing on his head. He gets up and starts kicking him in the gut, until Fury reaches for the ropes. DJ picks up Fury and nails him with a standing dropkick. He whips Fury into the corner; DJ runs in for a follow-up clothesline but Fury moves and DJ rams face-first into the turnbuckle. Fury grabs him and snap-suplexes him in the middle of the ring. Fury bounces off the ropes and gives DJ a leg-drop. Fury goes for the cover, 1, kick-out, not even close.

A cup comes flying out of the crowd and hits Fury in the head. Fury runs over to the side of the ring and starts hollering to the crowd, telling them he's gonna kick all their asses. DJ gets up and sprints over to Fury and dropkicks him in the side of the knee, Fury's leg buckles underneath him and Fury his rolling around the mat clutching his knee and screaming in pain. DJ starts to work on the knee, putting Fury's leg on the bottom rope and starts jumping up and down on it. DJ slaps on the figure-four and Fury is yelling at the top of his lungs. However, he's not giving up as the ref keeps asking him, if he'll give. DJ lets go of the hold and climbs the top rope. DJ goes for a splash on Fury, but Fury rolls away just in time.

Fury gets up and hobbles over to DJ. He picks him up and starts giving DJ vicious chops against his chest, he picks up DJ, while hopping on one leg and power slams him to the mat. Fury picks up DJ in a gorilla press, and is about to slam him, when all of the sudden there is a slight piercing sound through the air. Fury falls to the mat, DJ landing squarely on top of him. The ref counts...1...2...3!!!

A woman at ringside shrieks in horror, DJ and the ref look at Fury and are shocked at what they see. AN ARROW HAS BEEN SHOT INTO THE FOREHEAD OF FLYING FURY! DJ notices a piece of paper attached to the arrow, he tears it off and looks at what is written. The only words that are written are "DR". Friday is showing the ref the note and wondering what the hell it means. EMT's and policeman come rushing into the ring, a paramedic checks Fury's pulse, even though as soon as he saw him he knew Fury was history. Blood starts pouring all over the mat as a policeman pull the arrow from his skull and place it in a plastic bag and zips it up. Paramedics put Fury on a stretcher and put a sheet over his body and start wheeling him in the back where an ambulance is waiting. Fans are sitting in silence, as they are shocked by the events that have just taken place....

WINNER: DJ Friday via Arrow to Fury's cranium....

Jon: "Dear god, did you see that? Fury dead, in the middle of the ring!"

Derek: "See it hell, who didn't. What I really want to know is do they have any cream cheese to go on these bagels, by the way are you gonna eat that blueberry one."

Jon: [gets down on his knees and looks upward] "Why God, why? He had so much to live for. Blueberry?"

{Derek takes this opportunity to grab Jon's bagel.}

Jon: "Hey, that was mine."

Derek: "hee, hee hee, to much praying church boy leads to loss of your bagel."

Jon: "Fine, Mr. snooty butt." [He proceeds to spread cream cheese on Derek's nose.]

Derek: [licks it off causing all the ladies to ooh and ah.] "See I do have my strong points Jon"

Jon: "And on that note, let's move straight on to our next match."

Derek: "Yeah, this three way should be awesome. Sure it's a repeat of last week. But hey, more guts less glory. That's our motto."

Jon: "Damn it, are you using my script for a napkin?"

"Around the World" by Daft Punk starts playing as Connor Chambers strolls down to ringside. The crowd applauds as he climbs into the ring where Knightmare is already in there awaiting his opponents. The crowd erupts as "Mr. Wednesday Night" Chance Charles comes out from behind the curtain and walks slowly to the ring, he's smiling as he comes to ringside and sees the piles of goodies around the ring. He walks around the hot coals that are sitting in front of him with steam riding from the top. Chance goes through the ropes and the bell rings for the match to start.

Both Chambers and Knightmare start pounding on Chance's head as he gets in the ring. Charles is knocked to the ground by both men. As soon as Charles hits the mat, Knightmare turns and clotheslines Chambers over the top rope and Chambers FALLS ON A PILE OF THUMBTACKS !!!!! Chambers quickly rolls out of the pile, as starts wiping the plethora of tacks from his back, blood is seen running down his spine and all over the back of his legs. Back in the ring, Knightmare takes the barbed wire bat that is sitting near the ring post and whacks Charles in the stomach.

Knightmare tries to pull the bat out of Charles stomach but it won't seem to budge. Charles is screaming tons of obscenities as Knightmare rips the bat from him with all his strength and Chance's skin is being torn off by the barb wire. Chance sees the bat and sees his skin and his blood dripping for the wire. Knightmare drags Chance over the side of the ring to where the alligator pit is sitting. Knightmare tries to push Chance over the tope rope, but Chance is holding on for dear life.

The alligators see Chance about to join them and they start to jump up and try to bite Chances head off. Chambers rolls into the ring and sees what is going on and runs over and kicks Knightmare right between the legs. Chamber and Knightmare start exchanging blows, while Chance rolls out of the ring and grabs a chair from the timekeepers table. He comes back in the ring and whacks Knightmare in the back of the head. Knightmare crumbles to the mat and Chambers runs and gets the bat and starts to unwrap the wire and hands it to Chance. Chance then wraps it around Knightmare's face and then takes the chair and hits him in the face with it. Chambers pulls Knightmare up and the barb wire is seen stuck in his face, with Chances skin and Knightmare's blood is covering the wire. Some lady in the front row is seen puking up all over the people next to her and that starts barrage of fans that start puking all over each other. The first 2 rows at ringside start to smell of puke and people are seen rushing to the bathroom.

Back in the ring, Chambers has Knightmare standing up, while Chance is on the top rope waiting on Chambers next move. Chambers runs from the corner and nails Knightmare with a SUPERKICK. With the kick the barbed wire is pushed deeper into Knightmare's face and Knightmare is out cold. Chambers sets the chair on Knightmare's face and Chance leaps off the top rope and nails Kinghtmare with the 450 splash to the face. Chance goes for the cover 1,2,3… KNIGHTMARE IS ELIMINATED …..Both men roll Knightmare out of the ring and into the alligator pit, one alligator opens up his jaw and takes a bite on his stomach, security rushes from the back and pulls the alligator off of Knightmare and carry him to the back before further damage was gonna happen.

In the ring Chance and Chambers are going at it tooth and nail, with Chance getting the upper hand. Chance whips Chambers into the ropes and knocks him down with a running lariat. Chance picks up Chambers and whips him in the corner and follows that up with a knee to the gut. Chance gets on top of him and starts nailing him in the head, the crowd chants 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Chance gets down and Chambers falls to the mat, Chance tries a leg-drop from the top rope but Chambers moves and Chance lands hard on his ass. Chambers picks up Chance and launches him over the top rope and Chance lands in the hot coals, Chance jumps out and his legs and got huge red marks and his singlet has caught fire, Chance starts to stop, drop and roll to get the fire and a fan leans over the guardrail and throws a extra-large coke onto Chances pants to help him get the fire out. Chambers is seen flying over the top rope and lands on top of Chance. Chambers picks up Chance and Irish whips him into the steel steps in the ring corner. Chambers picks up Chance, but Chance grabs Chambers tights and pulls Chambers into the ring post. Chambers hits the post real hard and his head bounces off the post and Chambers is seen holding his nose and trying to stop the blood from coming out of it, but he's having no luck as blood is running through his hands and down his chest. Chance picks up Chambers and drops him over the guardrail neck first. Fans are yelling at Chambers to get up and take it like a man. Chance rolls him into the ring and hits the EXTREME DDT onto the steel chair. Chance goes for the cover, 1,2,3.

Winner: CHANCE CHARLES via Extreme DDT.

Derek: "That was fantastic, man those guys can really move."

Jon: "damn damn damn damn damn"

Derek: "What now, did you forget your depends?"

Jon: "No, I fuckin' bet on Knightmare."

Derek: "Sucker, that will be twenty bucks. Oh great, next we have that extreme pansy Vs the double dragon"

Jon: [hands Derek a $20] grumble grumble grumble

Derek: "Might as well hook up that Play station with Tekken 3." {Officially licensed sponsor of the EWA}

Jon: "Hey, don't hog the controller."

Derek: "Hey no fair, you always take the girl"

Jason Dragon accompanied by Chris, make their way to the ring, getting a mixed reaction from the crowd. Both of them are pushing wheelbarrows containing various weapons including, baseball bats, shovels, a couple of cattle prods and a toilet seat among others. The two men reach he rings and begins tossing the weapons inside as Better Than You by Metallica blares out over the sound system. "Extreme Annihilation" Chris Douglas comes through the entrance, followed by Honey, who is dressed to kill in a low cut black silk dress. She is suffering quite a few wolf whistles thrown her way. Douglas is about to make his way to the ring when he holds up a hand as if to say... "Just a sec" he goes back behind the curtain and returns with a table and a can of lighter fluid. The camera picks up his words as he passes. "This is all I need!"

Douglas makes his way to the ring and shoves the table under the bottom rope. The ref calls for the bell as the cage begins to lower. Dragon has a bat in his hand as he circles around Douglas, looking for an opening. Douglas reaches down and picks up a shovel. He raises the shovel just in time to block a swing to the head by Dragon. Dragon is swinging the bat again and again. Each one being blocked by Douglas. Dragon is trying to back Douglas into the corner, and he's succeeding. Douglas backs into the corner and steps onto a rake that Dragon had thrown in with everything else. The rake flies up right into the crotch of Dragon. Dragon yelps and falls to the mat, clutching at his groin area as Douglas pounces on him. 

Douglas grabs the back of Dragon's head and begins peppering him with rights to the side of the head. Douglas drags Dragon to his feet and whips him into the ropes... or rather, the barbed wire. Dragon bounces off the barbed wire with four streams of blood flowing down his back. This serves only to wake him up and he nails a running clothesline on Douglas, sending him crashing to the mat. Dragon grabs Douglas and picks him up for a slam, but he waits. Dragon shakes his head back and forth and turns Douglas to where he's on his shoulder. Then, Dragon runs toward the side of the cage, spearing Douglas into the side of the cage. Douglas slides down the side of the cage, over the barbed wire, lacerating his chest in the process. 

Honey is on the outside, cheering her man on and doesn't notice Chris coming around behind her. Chris sneaks up behind her and grabs her wrists. Honey begins struggling, but is no match for the stronger man. He takes her left wrist and handcuffs it to the side of the cage. She begins screaming for Douglas to help, but he is currently having his head rammed into the turnbuckle. Then Chris starts getting close to Honey and he starts moving his hand up and down her waist, then he moves his hand up her outfit and starts to rub her breast. Honey kicks him in the nuts with her stiletto heels. Chris bends over and grabs his testicles and starts rubbing them to get the blood circulating again. The crowd is canting over and over... "We want blood! We want blood!" Dragon begins to satisfy their need by missing the turnbuckle and bringing Douglas' head down on the barbed wire. Douglas comes up with a blood streaming down his face and screams in rage. He elbows Dragon in the gut once, twice and a third time. Dragon doubles over and is hit on the back of the head with a shovel by Douglas! 

Douglas goes over to where Honey is still handcuffed and tries to free her. Chris stands just outside of kicking distance from Honey, laughing. He reaches into his light jacket and comes out with something. He's doing a good job of keeping it behind his back, hidden from view. Then, he turns and from out of nowhere, Douglas his hit in the face with a FIREBALL!

Chris holds in his hands, a can of hairspray and a lighter. Douglas rolls on the mat, trying to put the flames on his chest out as Dragon gets shakily to his feet. Dragon goes to the still smoking Douglas and picks him up after giving thumbs up to Chris. Dragon places Douglas in position for a powerbomb. He goes to lift Douglas up, but NO! Douglas begins kicking his legs, causing Dragon to lose his balance. Dragon falls back, still holding Douglas' head between his legs hitting a variation of a piledriver. It didn't hit with as much effect as it could have, and Douglas is quick to recover. He regains his footing and grabs a toilet seat. He places the seat around Dragon's neck and nails him with a Samoan bulldog! 

He notices that Chris is still on the outside, taunting Honey, who is still handcuffed to the cage. He gets right up behind her and hands something through the cage. Once Chris is within reach, Honey comes out with the CATTLE PROD! She stabs Chris in the chest with the cattle prod and he falls to the floor, twitching from the surge of electricity that just coursed through his body. Satisfied that Honey will be fine for the rest of the match, Douglas goes back to work on Dragon. He picks Dragon up and whips him to the corner, following up with a MASSIVE clothesline!

Douglas drags Dragon out to the middle of the ring and slams him to the mat before climbing to the top rope. Douglas flies off for a splash, but Dragon rolls out of the way and drags one of the shovels over! Douglas lands, chest first on the handle of the shovel with such force that it shatters from the impact!

Dragon gets slowly to his feet and slowly drags Douglas to his feet. He drags Douglas to the middle of the ring and leaves him standing there. Dragon picks up and unbroken shovel and prepares to knock a home rung with Douglas' skull. He winds up and swings, but NOOO! Douglas ducks under and gets inside! He begins pelting Dragon with rights and lefts, leaving Dragon reeling. Then out of nowhere... THE END OF THE LINE! Dragon is out! Douglas goes for the pin. ONE-TWO-THREE!

Winner: Chris Douglas via the End of the Line

Jon: "Oh, shit, they're done."

Derek: "Well that sucks, who would have guessed you were that good. Here's your damn twenty bucks back. I swore I could win with Kuma."

Jon: "I got my twenty bucks back...woo hoo."

Derek: "Hey, who won?"

Jon: "I did."

Derek: "No in the match silly."

Jon: "What match?"

Derek: "Never mind, hey the living dredge is up again. What kind of idiot signs two matches in one night."

Jon: "He's already been on the losing end of the stick once tonight. Let's see if he can pull anything out of his ass this time around."

Derek: "Oh, I doubt it."

"Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood blasts over the speakers as Johnny Sledge makes his way down into the ring. He takes his time getting to the ring, and as he steps through the ropes, "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits plays. Dave "Red Dog" Slater w/ Ron Kennel make their way down into the ring. Slater looks at Sledge and points at him as he turns around. As Slater turns, Sledge jumps to the outside and starts pummeling Slater! He hits him with the closed fist several times. Kennel jumps on Sledges back, causing him to stop on Slater. Sledge lifts up Ron and throws him into the third row! The manager is out and isn't moving a bit! Slater manages to get up though and hits Sledge with a few double axe handles. The ref is motioning for the guys to get into the ring and put on the dog collars, but they are brawling all over the floor! Slater grabs a chair and SLAMS it over the head of Sledge. He grabs a frying pan from the crowd and smashes it over the head of Johnny Sledge! Sledge is bleeding now on his forehead.

Slater grabs a cane and swings but Sledge ducks and kicks him in the groin. He grabs the cane and hits Slater several times over the head! He breaks the cane after the third shot and both men are now pretty much bleeding. They continue to brawl for a couple more minutes around the ringside as they finally enter the ring to "officially" start up the match.

 The two bloodied men finally get the collars around their necks as they begin the match again. The two men lock up and trade fists. Sledge falls to his knees as Slater starts wrapping the chain around his neck! He is choking Johnny Sledge, but he finally gets over to the ropes. The ref begins to count, one two three four five. Break it up! Break it up! Slater will not let go of the hold! He laughs to the crowd as Sledge is losing air, but Johnny lifts up his arm and hits a low blow! Slater falls on his back on the mat as Sledge begins to get to his feet. Sledge looks at Slater and lifts up the chain on the collars. He whips it over Slater a few times in the head! Slater's head is busted open now from the chain as Sledge lifts him up. He throws him to the ropes and he flips Slater over with a backdrop. The chain is long enough so Sledge was able to execute the moves barely. Slater gets thrown to the ropes again as Sledge bends down, but Slater turns it into DDT! Sledge is down on the ground as Slater goes for the pin. One..two..th..NO! Sledge gets the shoulder up as Slater grabs him. Slater goes into his tights and pulls out a pair of pliers? What the... Oh gosh! Dave Slater is grinding the metal "utensils" into Sledge's forehead! Sledge is bleeding like a pig! Slater drops the pliers and gets back up to his feet. He calls for a chair and gets one. He lifts it up and smashes it over Sledge's head. The folding part is around the neck of "Red Dog" as Slater DDT's him! Slater hits a DDT with the chair around Sledges neck! He goes for another pinfall on his bloodied opponent. The ref gets there slow and makes the count. One...two...three. NO! Sledge gets his right shoulder up somehow and gets up to one knee.  

The crowd begins to stomp their feet as Johnny Sledge makes his way up to his feet. He elbows Slater in the stomach a few times, and runs to the ropes. Sledge misses a clothesline as Slater runs off the ropes. He leapfrogs over Sledge, but Slater hits the chain crotch first as he comes down! He screams in a high-pitched voice as Sledge lifts him up. He hits a bodyslam and wipes some of the blood on his forehead onto Slater. Sledge gets two chairs and swings at Slater. He ducks and hits one of the steel chairs on the corner, and the other on the opposite side. Both men dive at one of the chairs. Sledge dives over to the corner and grabs the chair. Slater dives over but the chain doesn't reach! His neck snaps as he is a few feet short of the chair! Sledge walks over to the fallen Slater and smacks the chair between his eyes! Again and again he does it! Both men are bleeding now as the advantage starts to go to Johnny Sledge. He lifts up Slater and sets him up on the top rope. He follows him up and hits a SUPERPLEX! The chain almost gives away but it has enough room not to. He goes for the pin! One..two..th..NO! Sledge points to the top once more and he gets up there with Slater. He attempts another superplex but Slater pushes him into the ropes crotch first! Slater jumps off the top onto the apron and grabs hold of the chain. He grabs it and throws Sledge off the ring onto the floor! He jumps onto the floor and piledrives Sledge on the concrete! Slater grabs a chair and sets it up. He hits an inverted DDT onto the steel chair! Ouch!! As Sledge lays on the floor, Slater pulls out a table from under the ring and sets it up. Wait a minute... Slater pulls out lighting fluid and matches from under the ring and SETS THE TABLE ON FIRE! Sledge sees the flames and jumps at Slater. They go back into the ring while the table is flaming. 

Slater jumps on Sledge and hits a standing hurancanrana. He goes for another pinfall. One..two..th..no! He slams Sledge and hits a standing moonsault. Again he goes for the pin, but Sledge kicks out barely. Slater lifts up Sledge for a back-suplex, but Sledge backflips over and hits Slater with a superkick! Sledge lifts up Slater and brings him to the top. They climb all the way up and he hits a top-rope hurancanrana!! Beautifully done! He goes for the pinfall. One..two..th..NO! Sledge lifts up Slater yet again but he power bombs him! Slater lifts up Sledge and sets him near the ropes. He leaps at Sledge but he ducks! Slater goes over the top, but he falls just on the apron. Sledge jumps over the ropes and they start to brawl. Slater grabs a hold of Sledge and calls for the hardcore DDT onto the table! Ohh noo!! He grabs him, but Sledge holds on to the rope! Slater goes crashing through the table and is on fire!! SLATER IS ON FIRE and out!! Sledge grabs the hurting Slater and puts him in the ring. After he sets him up, he hits the GUILLOTINE!! Sledge hits his finisher and goes for the pin! One..two..three!! Johnny Sledge wins!

Winner: Johnny Sledge via Guillotine

Derek: "Damn this is taking long enough, you know we have a 7:30 Tee time tomorrow morning. How many more matches do we have?"

Jon: "Tea time? That's not till 4."

Derek: "Dont make me smother you in mustard again."

Jon: "The mustard treatment? I liked the mustard treatment."

Derek: "You would, speaking of cutting the mustard, let's see what Alistair can do versus the new

Sherman the Vermin, the DRIFTER, ooh how scary, hold me Jon. Dammit that was sarcasm."

We're Off to See the Wizard from The Wizard of Oz blares through the arena and all eyes turn toward the entrance. The song continues to play, however no one comes through the curtain. The fans turn back to the ring where a confused ref is standing. He shrugs his shoulders as Riders On The Storm By The Doors begins to play. Again, the fans turn toward the entrance and again, they see no one. Suddenly, the EWA "Extreme-Tron" comes to life.

The setting is the locker room area and the fight has already begun. Cloudfruit has Drifter in a headlock and is really grinding down on it when the Drifter breaks the hold with an atomic drop. Cloudfruit flies forward right into the wall and shakes his head, trying to clear the fog. He turns and is met with a boot to the chest that sends him crashing into the wall again. Drifter grabs Cloudfruit by the hair and hauls him to his feet, nailing him with a European uppercut in the process. He then, Irish whips him toward and past the camera. Cloudfruit flies past and ends up hitting a table that is stacked with drinks. Cans go flying in every direction as the table is almost flipped. Drifter comes over, wiping sweat from his brow and picks up a can of Dr. Pepper. He pops the top and kicks back against the table to have himself a drink. After about 10 seconds, the can is empty and Drifter looks around for another, but he finds none. Then he looks up and sees Cloudfruit dressed in a white shirt and pants, pushing a hand-cart loaded with the blessed caffeine!! Drifter begins running after Cloudfruit yelling... "I want more! More! MORE!!!" Cloudfruit sees Drifter running after him and he takes off down a long hallway, being joined by those two guys from those two guys from the Dr. Pepper commercials who are running from a crowd of fans right outside the arena. The two men and Cloudfruit run into each other and scream. Drifter runs up behind Cloudfruit and goes for a flying tackle but Cloudfruit ducks and Drifter flies into the two-Dr Pepper dudes, sending their precious cargo flying in all directions. The crowd pounces on the soft drinks and the sound of popped tops can be heard all around. Cloudfruit, now out of his Dr. Pepper uniform is looking for Drifter and spots him, just finishing a can. Cloudfruit picks up his, now empty hand-truck and swings it, hitting Drifter in the back with it. Drifter falls to the ground amid plenty of empty Dr. Pepper cans and 12 pack boxes. The crowd is gone, now that their thirst has been satisfied, leaving Drifter and Cloudfruit to their battle. The two men begin pounding on each other and slowly moving toward a busy intersection. There are plenty of people on the streets as Drifter and Cloudfruit exchange lefts and rights. No one seems to notice... mostly since they see this kind of thing on a daily basis. Cloudfruit has Drifter by the neck and is enthusiastically pounding his head into a brick wall. They move down the sidewalk a little and exchange the wall for one of those chain link security roll up doors in the entryway of a pawnshop. Cloudfruit tries for a final blow, but Drifter blocks. Drifter takes Cloudfruit and ties him Up in the chains, pounding on him all the way. He grabs the chain gate, and pulls... at the same time bringing a knee up into Cloudfruit's gut. He stops momentarily when he notices a worn out Jean jacket and duffel bag set. A sign next to is proudly proclaims "Perfect for every Drifter!! Set or $39.95" He mutters under his breath... "Man, I gotta remember this place." before going back to Cloudfruit. Drifter untangles Cloudfruit from the chains and shoves him to the ground, going for the cover. ONE-TW-KICKOUT. Drifter picks Cloudfruit up and hits a spinning shoulderbreaker. He covers ONE-TWO-THR KICKOUT. Drifter picks Cloudfruit up once again and attempts a powerbomb on the pavement, but NOOO!!!! Cloudfruit counters with the Rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity-canranna!!!!

Drifter lands on his back in the middle of the sidewalk, with Cloudfruit on his chest, nailing him with rights and lefts. Cloudfruit doesn't let up. He picks Drifter up and whips him into a blue mailbox at an intersection. The two men begin rolling on the ground fighting back and forth as people simply step over and around them, crossing the street. Then the light changes and a rather nice looking red head, and a dude in drag come up to await the next crossing light. Both men stop suddenly and simply lay there.. well... looking up until the light turns. Then they both get to their feet and sprint to the next crosswalk and begin arguing about who goes to the ground first. They begin shoving each other back and forth, neither wanting to be the first to go down. The argument is solved when Drifter aims Cloudfruit's head into a wall and he collapses to the ground. Drifter then falls to the ground and rolls around as if he's in pain, awaiting the cute red head. Unfortunately, she is shoved out of the way by the drag queen who stands over Drifter. Until this point, Drifter had his eyes closed, and when he opens them, well... let's just say he had a surprise. Drifter fights to hold back his scream of terror and rolls away from this gruesome sight, right into an elbow drop from Cloudfruit. Cloudfruit goes for another but Drifter rolls out of the way just in time. Drifter picks up Cloudfruit and drags him out into the middle of the street. he picks Cloudfruit up and nails a powerbomb onto a Yellow Checkered Cab!!!! The driver gets out and starts spewing his Arabic for all he's worth as, with his hand shaking, Cloudfruit reaches into his tights. Cloudfruit pulls out a crumpled, sweat soaked roll of Mentos, the peppermint flavor. He shows then to the Arabic cab driver, who stops in mid-spew. The cab driver smiles a knowing smile and waits for Cloudfruit to roll off the car so he can be on his way. Drifter grabs Cloudfruit and drags him off the car toward a dark alley. He takes Cloudfruit and whips him into a large trash dumpster, causing quite a few rats to scurry away in fear. Cloudfruit gets shakily to his feet and looks around, obviously recognizing his location. Drifter grabs Cloudfruit again and whips him toward a door that is at the end of the short alley. Cloudfruit hits the door and crashes through it. Drifter follows him inside what looks like the kitchen to a small restaurant. There are coffee makers, cappuccino machines and the smell of fresh espresso fills the air. The two men battle through the prep area and out onto what looks like a stage. Trading lefts and rights the entire way. Finally, after three big knees to the gut.. HIGHWAY ROBBERY!!! Cloudfruit is out in the middle of the stage. Drifter goes for the pin and the ref, with cappuccino in hand, makes the count.

ONE-TWO-THREE!!!

Jon: "Dear god, make it stop. MAKE IT STOP!!!!"

Derek: "Oh the humanity of it all."

{Derek Ash is shivering}

Derek: "We had better go to the next match, before I vomit."

Jon: "Quickly, man. give them the cue! for the love of god man, stop running your mouth, and give them the cue!"

{Ash stands up and throws a pool cue down into the ring, The referee picks it up and hurls it back.

Both men dive under the table}

Jon: "Is it safe?"

Derek: "Yeah I think so."

Jon: "Which match are we on now?"

Derek: "I think it's time for the main event."

Jon: "Which one's that?"

Derek: "Ah, shit. that was Lenny on the little red phone, and our director said we had to add the livkid super freak match. I mean super reactor."

Jon: "Damn it, I was hoping to get home in time for... well, never mind."

Derek: "Hey, I know, the helium will run out, but I bet the florist down the street has some."

Jon: "Ya think?"

The lights begin to dim down as the ropes are replaced with barbwire. "Walking on the Sun" by Smashmouth roars over the speakers in the arena as LivKid begins to make his way down to the ring. He gets a mixed reaction from the crowd as he makes his way to the ring. Before getting into the ring, LivKid goes under the ring and pulls out a ladder, a few tables and some chairs. As he is doing this,"Magic Carpet Ride" by SteppenWolf plays and SuperReactor makes his way down, running to the ring. He looks at LivKid and dives at him to start off the match. They start the match on the outside! SuperReactor begins pounding at LivKid as they brawl onto the floor. The men exchange lefts and rights to each other as they are tearing each other apart! LivKid gets on his feet first and gets a thumb to the eye on SuperReactor. Reactor falls to his knee and rubs his eye as LivKid lifts up a chair. As Reactor looks up, he gets NAILED over top the head with the metal chair. LivKid hits him twice more, thus breaking the chair. SuperReactor gets a small cut over his left eyebrow as he gets up to his feet. LivKid misses with a forearm and Reactor hits a low blow! He scoops up LivKid and slingshots his neck over the steel rail. LivKid grabs his neck as he gets lifted up yet again. Reactor lifts him over his shoulders high into the air! He throws LivKid into the crowd!! He lands on an enormously large lady with a white shirt that says "T.O.D." in big black letters. She gives the guy a mean, nasty look as he tries to get away. Reactor meets LivKid in the crowd though with a vicious clothesline, sending him down to the floor. SuperReactor lifts up LivKid once more and tells the people in the crowd to lifts up their arms. He throws LivKid in the air and he lands on top of the people's arms! He is getting moshed, so to speak back into the ringside area! He lands back first on the concrete as SuperReactor begins to make his way back as also. LivKid gets into the ring without being touched by the barbwire as SuperReactor is still coming. Reactor makes it in, but LivKid was waiting for him. LivKid lifts up Reactor and bodyslams him to the mat. He calls for the ladder to be thrown into the ring, and it is, as well as a table. LivKid lifts up Reactor again and hits a spicolli driver! As SuperReactor lays in the corner, LivKid sets up the ladder in the other corner. He sets it up, and gets on the backside of it. He pushes, as he dives at SuperReactor ladder first! OH MY!! He hits it! SuperReactor looks out cold as LivKid covers him. One...two..t.NO! LivKid looks angered as he sets up the table. LivKid grabs his opponent as they climb the ladder. LivKid is going for a superplex off of the ladder onto the table! He goes for it and....NO! SuperReactor blocks it annnnndddd.. chokeslam through the table! What a counter by SuperReactor!! He dives onto his fallen opponent and goes for the cover. One..two..th..no! LivKid manages to get the shoulder up before the three count. SuperReactor grabs a piece of the broken table and hits LivKid over the head with it, breaking it once more. LivKid stumbles back, but doesn't fall down. Reactor attempts to hit him again with the table, but LivKid hits a dropkick into SuperReactor's face! Both men lay on the mat as the ref counts. 1..2..3...4....5....6.....7......8.......9.. they manage to get back up just before the slow ten count.

The two men lock up for the first time in the match up as LivKid gets thrown into the barbwire ropes. He stops right before the barbwire though, and points to his head. SuperReactor taps LivKid on the shoulder and swings with a chair but MISSES! LivKid ducks at the right time and DDT's SuperReactor into the chair! The crowd begins to cheer as he lifts up SuperReactor. He grabs SuperReactor and motions for the Livingstone! He is going for the modified inverted DDT!! He attempts it but SuperReactor catches him in a stunner/whippersnapper! He covers LivKid!!... One..two..thr..NO! SuperReactor lifts up LivKid and catches him in a bear hug. After holding him for about a minute, he falls back and slingshots him into the barbwire! LivKid falls into the barbwire ropes neck first!! LivKid grabs his neck and the expression on his face shows you how painful that move was. SuperReactor lifts up his opponent and hits a explosive powerbomb! He then calls for the "Meltdown" ( reverse powerbomb )!! He goes for it, but LivKid blocks it and backdrops Reactor into the barbwire!. Reactor hits the barbwire ropes and lands on the apron. His back is all cut up, but he grabs another table from the outside. He tosses it in the ring just before he gets suplexed back inside by LivKid. LivKid lifts up SuperReactor and hits a bodyslam. He gets a running start and hits a huge splash! LivKid gets another running start and goes for the splash, but SuperReactor puts up the knees! He seems to get back to the advantage as he hits a beautiful brainbuster! He is riled up now... He attempts to throw LivKid to the ropes, but it is reversed. Reactor stops before he is about to hit the barbwire and runs back at LivKid. LivKid kicks him though and twirls his arm around over his head. He points to the table right beside him and hits his finisher through the table! HE HITS THE LIVINGSTONE THROUGH THE TABLE. LivKid lifts Reactor up yet again and hits a second livingstone. Ohh gosh! He covers him! One..two..three! LivKid wins the match.

Winner: LivKid via two Livingstones

Derek: "Hey I just got off the phone with Madam Dresnia's all night florist. She says

if you get there before two she does blow up dolls half price."

Jon: "Hot damn. cover for me. " [leaves the set]

Derek: So we are heading on to our main event now. This looks to be a classic match up, one we are willing to stay on all night for. Well at least we are now. Let's go to the ring to watch the proceedings."

THE MAIN EVENT JD Freeman Vs Suicide King

The crowd begins to chant "SUCK MY NUTZ" repeatedly as "The suck for your solution" begins to blare through the PA system. Suicide King rolls down to ringside on a skateboard, ollie-ing over several video cables along the way. When he reaches the ring he executes an Indy kick flip into a backside grind on to the ring apron. He climbs through the barbed wire, and gingerly steps around the thumbtacks, setting his skateboard down in his corner. As he does so, he also takes a handful of tacks. The music changes to "Sad but true" by Metallica, and the crowd goes ballistic. JD Freeman makes his way down to the ring looking determined, yet not overly concerned about what lays ahead of him. Freeman climbs up onto the ring apron, and examines the freshly sharpened, yet slightly rusty barbed wire. Suicide King bursts out of his corner, and grabs Freeman's head, pulling it down into the barbed wire as King drops to the mat. The bell rings as King lets go. Freeman is whipped backwards, and falls onto a burning table. Freeman is quick to get up as the flames begin to char his flesh. Freeman climbs through the ropes, and drives his shoulder into King's gut. King retaliates with a double axe handle, then drives the handful of tacks into Freeman's face. Freeman, seemingly unphased by the thumbtacks stuck in his forehead, strikes back with a series of punches that staggers King. King takes a wild swing, but Freeman turns him around and nails him with an atomic drop. King staggers about for a moment, and as he turns to face Freeman, is met with a clothesline that sends him to the mat. As King tries to get back up, small amounts of blood can be seen oozing from where hundreds of thumbtacks have punctured his skin. King lashes out with a low blow that drops Freeman to him knees. King pulls Freeman to his feet, and whips him into the ropes. Flesh tears as Freeman hits the barbed wire, and bounces back towards Suicide King. King ducks down, going for a back body drop, but freeman stops, and catches King with a swinging neck breaker. Freeman brushes the thumb tacks off of his back as best he can, then picks up King. Freeman drives King's face into the turnbuckle, then drags King's face across the barbed wire towards the next corner. Blood begins to pour out of Kings head as chunks of flesh and hair are left on the barbs.

Reaching the second corner, Freeman drives King's head into that turnbuckle, and King falls to the mat. Freeman begins to gather up the remaining thumbtacks, and places them in a pile in the center of the ring. King staggers to his feet as the blood pours down his face. King wipes the blood out of his eyes, and kicks Freeman several times. King then sets Freeman up, and subsequently hits Freeman with a piledriver onto the pile of thumbtacks. As King gets back to his feet LivKid dives over a flaming table, and slides into the ring, punching Suicide King in the jaw with a barbed wire wrapped fist. Freeman begins to stir, but it immediately kicked down by LivKid. As LivKid prepares to punch King again, King spits blood into LivKid's eyes. LivKid swings, but King ducks, then lunges forward, tackling LivKid. King starts punching wildly, but LivKid easily pushes him away as the ref signals for the bell. LivKid gets to his feet, but is met with a dropkick that sends him falling into the corner. King follows up with an elbow to LivKid's jaw. Freeman staggers to his feet, and shakes the cobwebs from his head. Freeman sees Suicide King trying to tie LivKid up in the barbed wire. Having tangled LivKid's arms up in the barbed wire, King takes a couple steps back. Freeman grabs King from behind, and hits him with the deathdrop! Freeman walks over towards LivKid, who lashes out with several kicks as the ref tries to untangle his arms. The bell continues to sound as Freeman presses his foot against LivKid's throat. The ref pushes Freeman away, and finally gets LivKid free. Large gashes in his biceps show where the barbed wire dug into LivKid's flesh. Freeman closes the distance, and drives LivKid back into the corner, punching unmercilessly. As he continues to punch, "Sex Candy" Tommy Grayson climbs into the ring carrying a length of Barbed wire. Grayson wraps the wire around Freeman's neck from behind, and begins to choke him with it. LivKid, seeing that Freeman is in trouble, starts driving his barbed wire wrapped fists into Freeman's stomach. Still the bell sounds as "Hardcore" Ray Simmons jumps into the ring, nailing Grayson in the back of the head with a pair of brass knuckles. LivKid changes targets, and swings at Simmons, but Simmons blocks, and hits LivKid in the jaw with the brass knuckles, putting LivKid's jaw into a very unnatural position. Simmons helps Freeman to his feet, and takes the barbed wire from round his throat. Freeman extends his hand in friendship, but Simmons just laughs. Simmons then levels Freeman with a punch to the forehead. Simmons pushes the dazed Grayson out onto one of the flaming tables, the power bombs Freeman onto Grayson. Flaming woodchips fly everywhere as the table collapses under the combined weight and momentum of Freeman and Grayson. LivKid manages to get back to his feet, and is about to hit Simmons from behind when Suicide King hits LivKid in the back of the knee with his skateboard!. LivKid Falls to the mat as Simmons exits the ring, oblivious to what is happening behind him. As he walks past Freeman and Grayson, he spits on them, then heads back to the locker rooms. In the ring LivKid struggles to get back to his feet, not putting much weight on the injured leg. Suicide King strikes LivKid in the other knee with the skateboard, sending him back to the mat. King wipes the blood off of his face with his arm, then puts LivKid in a figure four leg lock! LivKid scream out in pain as King applies more pressure to his already damaged knees. Freeman and Grayson are taken to the back by EMT's as several refs try to get Suicide King to break the leg lock. Finally breaking the hold, Suicide King is escorted to the back by the refs as an EMT checks on LivKid's knee.

Derek: "Well that pretty much raps it up for us here at the EWA. This is Derek Ash signing off for myself as well as the often present, but rarely here Jon Marx."

Jon: "Did I miss anything?"

Derek: "Just me making the rap up dude. Tell the people good night Jon."

Jon: "No. It can't end like this!"

{Fade to Fuchsia}