November 11, 1998

EWA Proudly Presents…

Artful: "Good evening everyone, and welcome to whatever the hell we're calling this show this week. As you can see, I'm Artful, godlike president of the EWA, and this is my humble assistant, the guy who sits next to me for these types of things."

Richard: "It's your voice of reason Richard Riley, bringing you insight and commentary for this edition of EXTREME MEASURES"

Artful: "Is that what we're calling the show now? I thought we had changed the name to something else. No matter. We've got a damn fine show for you tonight. Two, count them, two of the titles will be on the line tonight."

Richard: "Great intro, Artful. Those Sally Struthers tapes I loaned you have really paid off! Anyway, we do have a pretty exciting show for you tonight. We have five, count em five wrestlers making their debuts tonight as well as the cruiserweight title up for grabs AND Cyris defending the Global title against the "upstart" Eli "Don't call me Ric" Flair!!"

Artful: "That's right. Flair has really been on a roll since he showed up herein the EWA, but does he have what it takes to rip the Global Hardcore title from the only man to hold the belt twice?"

Richard: " As well as the only man to hold it so far. Well, actually Cyris did let me hold it while he was taking a piss...Umm...the belt not his...Umm you know...Well anyway....We will see it the newcomer has the juice to beat the reigning champ. I think that we are almost ready for our first match of the evening. Any thought on it, Artful?"

Artful: "Of course."

Richard: "Great intro. Anyway, it's the man known as the "Maverick" taking on the Dawg."

Artful: "Maverick has had some very solid interviews, and his no nonsense attitude should take him far here in the EWA. Dawgbone, on the other hand, still hasn't figured out how to spell his name."

Richard: "Well, it's Mel Gibson taking on Scooby Doo in our opener. Let's go to the ring!"

As we pan away form the announcer we see that Maverick and Dawgbone have already entered the ring. A few fanscheer for Maverick, but this match is really not getting that much heat right now. The bell rings and Dawgbone chargesout of his corner at Maverick. Maverick steps out of the way and gets Dawgbone in a drop toe hold, which sends Dawgbone's face into the mat hard. Maverick pops up with his fists ready to strike.

Dawgbone and Maverick lock into a collar and elbow tie up. Dawgbone uses his superior strength to throw Maverick back into the corner. Dawgbone charges at him, but Maverick moves and DB rams into the turnbuckles. Maverick quickly hits him with a spinning heel kick, which splits open DB's lip. With DB a bit dazed in the corner Maverick nails him with a tornado DDT. The fans are a bit more excited now as Maverick climbs the top rope and does a leg drop onto the back of DB's skull. Maverick goes for the pin...

1....

2...

No!! DB kicked out!

Maverick lifts DB up and is immediately hit with an English uppercut that back Maverick up a little bit. DB charges him for a clothesline but Maverick again uses his quickness to duck under the clothesline and bounce off the opposite ropes hitting DB with a flying forearm Chico Santana style. Maverick again climbs the ropes and nails DB with a 450 splash. He goes for the pin....

1.....

2....

3!!!! he got him!

WINNER: MAVERICK via ASS KICKING

Richard: "That Mel Gibson sure is mean for beating up on Scooby Doo like that. Remind me not to see Lethal Weapon 15 when it comes out."

Artful: "I'll have my secretary make a note about that. Moving right along, next up is The relative unknown Joker vs. the only man to lose to Jobbers Inc. Ray Anthony, who is not to be confused with Brett Anthony."

Richard: "Who is also not to be confused with a wrestler...Umm...I would have to say based on past performance that this should be an easy win for Joker, but he has not really impressed me so far either."

Artful: "Both men have been relatively quiet this week, and that may cost them dearly in this match. That is, of course, they have been to busy training to let us know what they're doing. I think, however, Ray has been very busy trying to pull his undies out of his ass after that devastating Mega-Wedgie delivered at the hands of Alistair Cloudfruit a few months ago."

Richard: "Damn! Two months to pull a wedgie out your ass. I remember this bully who used to hang my from telephone poles by my underwear. That sucked and it took me like an hour to unstick myself, but two months!"

Artful: "Well, the Mega-Wedgie has been scientifically designed to compromise ones maximum comfort level, and Cloudfruit is the master of the Mega-Wedgie."

Richard: "you never know. Maybe he will come out to exact more embarrassment on poor little Ray Anthony. Let's go find out!"

The fans are stirring from some previous inactivity, but suddenly, the lights go out, and the lights at the entranceway at the end of the isle begin to flash as "Victory" by Puff Daddy begins to pump through the high-quality PA system of the EWA Arena. Ray Anthony begins to make his way down the isle with a very confident look on his face, as the fans give a mixed reaction towards him. Anthony enters the ring, and raises his arms in the air, still getting a mixed reaction. Anthony waits in the ring patiently, waiting for the entrance of Joker.

Suddenly, "Boogie Woogie Woo" by Insane Clown Posse begins to play over the speakers, and those who are ICP marks in the crowd begin dancing or cheering to the music, or cheering Joker because of the fact he has an ICP song as a theme song. Joker makes his way down to the ring in a jester-type garb, and he enters the ring. Immediately,

Ray Anthony attacks him. The referee rings the bell, and by then, Anthony has hammered Joker to the canvas with several hard right hands. Anthony whips Joker towards the ropes, and Anthony goes for a back bodydrop, but Joker telegraphs it, and executes a sunset flip...

ONE...

TWO...

KICKOUT!!

Anthony kicked out, and Anthony stumbles towards the corner...Anthony comes out with a clothesline and knocks Joker down! Joker appears to be out, and Anthony stands over Joker...what the hell is Anthony doing? It appears he's mocking "The Rock"...Anthony points in both directions, and runs into one side of the ring ropes, and then to the other side...he stops at Joker's arm, and lifts his leg in the air...he LEGDROPS JOKER AND WITH AUTHORITY!! Anthony makes the cover...

ONE...

TWO...

KICKOUT BY JOKER!!

Anthony picks Joker up, but Joker nails him with a BLATANT low blow! The crowd goes, "OHH!!", while the ref bitches to Joker about the rules. Joker pushes the ref aside, and picks up Anthony. Anthony gets snap suplexed onto the canvas hard...Joker goes into the corner and gets some kind of leather bag...it looks like a bag holding a bowing ball. Joker lifts the bag above his head...and...

>>>SKRRRRRRUUUUUUUNCH!!!!!<<<

OHMIGOD!!!! Joker just SLAMMED the bowling ball right into Anthony's crotch, and Anthony is rolling around, grabbing his nuts! The sac has probably burst...but then again, who cares, because he probably doesn't get laid anyway!! Joker stands above Anthony, and executes a variation of the knee drop he calls "Hocus Pocus"...Joker covers.

ONE...

TWO...

THREE!!

Winner: Joker via low blow and a little "Hocus Pocus".

Artful: "Anthony defiantly hasn't recovered from that Mega-Wedgie. You could clearly tell he was walking a bit

funny."

Richard: "The horror of it all!"

Artful: "Now Ray can go back to his therapist knowing full well that he wasn't nearly ready to set into the ring so soon after such an aggravating injury."

Richard: "Maybe he can go rent a taffy puller and finally get the last remnants of his underwear unstuck. I'm not sure who our next match is. For some reason I think that it is supposed to be our double debut match, Cinergy takes on Travis Keaton."

Artful: "That's right. Again, both men have been very quiet since joining the EWA. Will it have a detrimental effect on their performance here tonight?"

Richard: "It could. You never know what might happen."

Artful: "That said, let's meander on down to the ring."

The camera pans down to the ring as both Cinergy and Keaton wait for the bell to ring. The referee signals for the bell and the match is underway. Both Keaton and Cinergy circle the ring before tying up. The two men are deadlocked, neither being able to move the other.

Cinergy whips Keaton into the ropes. Leap frog by Cinergy and then a nice hip toss as Keaton rebounds off of the ropes. Keaton gets up and the two men tie up again. Irish whip again by Cinergy, but this time Keaton reverses it and nails an arm drag. Both men are quick to get up, but Keaton a step quicker nails Cinergy with a dropkick. Keaton goes to drop a quick elbow, but Cinergy rolls out of the way.

Keaton gets up and Cinergy runs at him and hits a clothesline that takes both men out of the ring. The two men get up and start exchanging blows. Cinergy nails a European uppercut and then executes a drop toehold that sends Keaton face first into the ring steps. You can see blood coming from Keaton's mouth as he is rolled back into the ring.

Cinergy quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle. He looks to end the match quickly with a frog splash. Keaton lifts up his knees at the last second. Cinergy is rolling around as Keaton struggles to his feet. He picks up Cinergy and starts nailing him with axe handle blows to the back. Keaton whips Cinergy into the turnbuckle and follows in for a lariat, but Cinergy sidesteps and Keaton smashes into the turnbuckle. Cinergy executes a reverse roll up. The referee drops down….

1….

2….

Kick out by Keaton.

The two men get to their feet and lock up. Cinergy looks to win the test of strength when suddenly someone flies down the aisle. It's Drifter! Drifter picks up a chair, jumps in the ring and nails Keaton across the back with the chair. Cinergy turns just in time to be nailed in the face with a devastating chair shot. Drifter rears back and nails Cinergy across the back several more times. He picks up Cinergy and tosses him out of the ring, face first into the ring railing. Cinergy collapses in a heap. The referee calls for the bell

Drifter picks up the semi-conscious Keaton and nails a wicked power bomb. He then sets up Keaton for the Highway Robbery and nails it right onto the chair. Drifter tosses the unconscious Keaton out of the ring and then grabs a microphone.

Drifter: I don't know why all you stupid fans want to cheer for these no-talent, pieces of crap. You fans are just a bunch of morons and I should kick every one of your asses (the fans begin to boo loudly and yell "Drifter sucks!"). All you fans can go to hell! From now on I'm doing things my way!

The fans begin to throw cups and other garbage into the ring. Drifter gives everyone the universal sign for "fuck you" and then exits the ring.

Winner: No Contest

Artful: "Damnit, Drifter always sticks his nose into things. The bastard."

Richard: "That stinky ass Drifter had to come down and ruin both of these men's debuts. I guess he was serious when he said that the nice guy attitude was gone."

Artful: "Drifter's gay?"

Richard: "Did he try that with you too? Talk about uncomfortable! Maybe he was the guy that raped those poor boys in Illinois?"

Artful: "Let's not get onto that subject. You know as well as I that there are alot of people upset that Wayne got off so easily."

Richard: "Don't tell me you still think Wayne is guilty. It was obvious that he was set up from the start. I'm not a big fan of the man. Actually I truly dislike him, but the facts are the facts!"

Artful: "I didn't say anything about what I thought, and I'm not going to. But I'm sure Jerry Michaels is more than a little upset."

Richard: "Not to take side, but Jerry is very lucky he was not implicated as a conspirator. Truthfully I think Jerry is not very bright and was a pawn, but still innocent."

Artful: "Very true, but enough about those two cripples. What's next on our plate?"

Richard: "That's a damn good question! I think it is Touchdown Tommy taking on Xavier?"

Artful: "Oh yeah, I remember now. The football reject vs. someone we've never heard from."

Richard: "I think Xavier was one of the guys VP Derek brought with him when he went in search of new talent. I guess he's back and ready for some action. TD is pretty cocky for a new guy around here. I think he's also taken to many blows to the head if he thinks he is eligible for a CRUISERWEIGHT title shot!"

Artful: "Let's go to the ring and see what these two bozo's have to offer."

The lights flash and the crowd begins to roar as "Come With Me" by Puff Daddy begins to pound out through the arena. The camera quickly flips to the entrance way and out steps Xavier!!!! Xavier seems to have a very content look on his face as he begins to walk down to ring......fireworks begin to pound from above and all the women begin to flock to the railing to get a glimpse...... the Announcer begins......

Announcer - "Hello ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is one fall and will be between Two men driven to make a name for themselves here in the EWA. Introducing first the challenger He stands at 6"4 and weighing in at 272 pounds....... The man that wields the deadly Rated X....

Xavier......

Xavier jumps up on the apron and centers himself in the middle of the ring and raises his hands to the crowd....... Suddenly over the PA "Come With Me" fades and The University of Michigan Fight Song begins to play loudly!!! Out from the back steps Touchdown Tommy and accompanied by his couch Dr. Jimmy Sismanis. The two gentlemen begin to make there way down to ringside as the announcer begins again....

Announcer - "And his Opponent standing 6"2 and weighing in at 255 pounds...... accompanied by Dr. Sismanis........ A strong newcomer to the EWA .......... Touchdown Tommy!!!!!!"

The announcer finishes just as Tommy reaches the ring and the announcer exits the ring to the far left....Xavier sprints towards Tommy as Tommy steps into the ring and begin to pummel him with rights and lefts..... TT falls to the mat holding his head just under the bottom rope.... The bell rings and this match is officially underway.

Xavier reaches down and picks up TT and sets him up for a suplex and connects sending TT hard to the mat whinching in pain. The crowd begins to stand and yell as suddenly out from the back steps Dawgbone and E-Legal!!!! Dawgbone and E-Legal make there way down to ringside as Xavier pulls TT up off the mat once again. As Xavier sees the two men walking his way he nods their way and signals to the crowd....... A huge smile rolls across Xavier's face as he sets TT up for another suplex. Suddenly TT with a shot of energy hits Xavier hard with his right knee and counters the suplex with a modified version of a Bridge suplex.

Xavier completely stunned and lying crumpled on the mat appears to be in a lot of pain.... TT appears to be getting back up to his feet. Dawgbone and E-Legal begin to circle the ring and appear to be making there way over towards the DR. As TT gets t his feet he leans over to the referee and points to the two men... The referee runs over to them and signals for them to either get back to there corner or leave the ring.... While the referee is distracted the Dr. slides a chair under the bottom rope to TT..... Xavier begins to slowly pull himself up, but before he can even see it coming.... Whammmmmmmm!!!!!! he is nailed in the back with the top of the chair.

Xavier hits the mat hard after the sickening thud and quickly TT throws the chair over the top rope and the DR. catches it. Dawgbone and E-Legal stand there confused as to why their friend is lying face down holding his lower back as if a car just hit him........TT immediately capitalizes and locks Xavier in a Boston crab right in the center of the ring..... Sweat is beading off of Xavier face as he yells in pain... TT got him locked in the center of the ring......Xavier can't get out of the hold as he struggles to move...........

Xavier raises his hand as if to pull himself up and Ohhhhhhhh my God he is passed out........................... The referee raises his hand

1.........................

The referee raises his hand once again......

2..........................

The referee raises his hand one more time and just before he lets go Dawgbone jumps up on the ropes and begins to yell at the referee calling him several choice names.... The Referee is now distracted and up on the apron Dawgbone is arguing with the referee. TT irate at what has just happened drops the crab. E-Legal hops in the ring and slams his fist in the back of TT back and begins to kick the crap out of him.... TT lip and just above his eyes are gashed open and blood in shooting everywhere..... E-Legal pulls TT up and signals to the crowd..... and Wham!!!!!!!!!!! he drills TT with a choke slam that sends him repelling off of the mat and now both men are knocked out in the center of the ring.....

E-Legal hops out of the ring quickly as the referee turns around and notices that both men are unconscious in the middle of the ring..... the crowd begins to roar and suddenly out from the back steps..... Johnny Sledge who slowly makes his way down to ringside...... After a few seconds both men begin to get to their feet and out of nowhere TT hits Xavier with a kick to his gut as he stands up and once again Xavier is knocked out... Somehow TT manages to get to his feet and make sit to the ropes... he climbs and

OHHHHHH my God!!!!!!

He hits the Extra Point from the Top Rope........ then he covers ....

1..................

2.........................

3.............................

Winner: Touchdown Tommy via Extra Point from the Tope Rope

Suddenly as Tommy gets to his feet....... Johnny Sledge jumps up on the apron and hits TT with a hard shot to the back and grabs him and hits him with a modified DVD....... OHHHHHHHH my GOD!!!!!! that was his new finisher....... The Wrecking Ball......... As Sledge stands up he begins to yell.......

Sledge - "Hey Tommy!!! You alright!!!! hehehehehehe. This is a lesson to you punk. Don't screw with me, because these are the consequences. But guess what, you will get your chance to show me that how much I suck, at next Extreme Measures. And this will be old school EWA, Cage-Barbed Wire-Tazers in the Turnbuckles match. I am going to slaughter your goofy ass."

Artful: "Dangit, Sledge wasn't scheduled to be in that match. In fact, he's supposed to be wrestling The Canadian Rebel in a few minutes. I hope that extra bit of exertion doesn't cost him big time."

Richard: "It would be a shame if Johnny lost the belt in his first match. Not really!"

Artful: "Well, the Rebel hasn't really been himself lately. Actually, he's not sure who he is right now. That quite a weight on his shoulders."

Richard: "Well, he's not me and he's not you. If he's not himself, who the heck is he?"

Artful: "The Queen of England? No, I slept with her, and he's not her. He might be the Canadian ambassador to the United Nations."

Richard: "It could be, but I think before we start worrying about that, we have a tag team match coming up."

Artful: "Oh yeah. It's easy to forget about the tag teams. They never really say anything."

Richard: "True. Maybe now that JD is deceased we can get a new executive who will revitalize the tag team scene in the EWA."

Artful: "Perhaps. Which two luckless teams to we have wrestling tonight?"

Richard: "Partners in Krimez are a team that have been in the EWA for a while. They win some then lose some. X-Tremist Revolution has yet to actually wrestle so who knows what will happen."

Artful: "Partnerz in Krimez. Didn't they get a load of Masturbating Lenny at the PPV?"

Richard: "that's possible...Wait a minute...Load...Masturbating Lenny....Ewww!"

Artful: "Let's go to the ring."

"No Place to Hide" starts playing and Partnerz in Krimez make their way to the ring. The fans are booing them and throwing things at them as they go down the aisle. They stop and argue with a few of them about a third of the way down to the ring. They start to walk again, but the do not notice that their opponents are running down to the ring behind them. They are carrying chairs, and connect with wicked chair shots onto the back of the head of both Itaki and Stanz. PiK fall to the ground, and XR stand over them laughing. Gunz picks up Stanz, and Taylor picks up Itaki and they drag them to the ring. Once all four guys get back into the ring, and the ref calls for the match to start.

Taylor leaves Itaki in his corner, and goes over to the opposite side... a normal tag team match, wow what a concept!!! Gunz throws Stanz off of the ropes and catches him coming back at him with a power slam. Gunz quickly gets to his

feet, just to drop a series of forearms into the forehead Stanz. Gunz picks up Stanz and makes the tag to Taylor. Taylor comes into the ring and kicks Stanz in the gut. He then picks up Stanz and slams him back down to the mat, as Gunz leaves the ring. He goes to pick him up again, but is met with a punch to the stomach from Stanz. Stanz hits Taylor again, and again with punches, and he turns and makes a quick dash over to Itaki to make the tag, but Taylor is still aware enough to drag Stanz away from making the tag. You can tell that XR are trying a new approach, they are wrestling!!!

Gunz is tagged back in, and he suplexes Stanz to the mat. He lifts him up, and connects with a piledriver. Gunz makes the cover, and the ref makes the count.

1...

2...

Itaki dives in and makes the save, and after this Taylor comes in and starts to brawl with Itaki. All four men are now on their feet and it seems that all the rules have been thrown out the window, oh well it was good while it lasted. Stanz staggers Gunz back to the ropes, and with a diving cross body, both of them go over the top rope and to the floor. They are now fighting like crazy on the floor, grabbing various things around the ringside area. Stanz begins to get the upper hand on the outside, and he turns and sees that Taylor is giving Itaki a beating. Taylor powerbombs Itaki, and calls for a elbow drop from the top rope. Stanz realizes the match will be over if he connects with it but does not have time to knock him from the ropes, so he reaches over and grabs a chair and throws it at Taylor who is on the top rope.

The chair hits Taylor in the head, and he just falls from the top rope, but Itaki is close enough to the corner and is hit with an unintentional headbutt. Both are down, and Stanz tries to get into the ring, but is caught from behind by Gunz. These two are now trading punches again on the outside, and on the inside Itaki is getting up. He sees what is going on outside the ring, and he runs off the ropes and hits a baseball slide onto Gunz. Gunz is now down, and PiK set up a table near Gunz. Itaki grabs Gunz, and brings him up for a belly to back over the head suplex, and as he releases it Stanz catches him and gives him a neck breaker onto the floor. They then pick up the limp body of Gunz, and roll him into the ring. Stanz goes to make the cover and Itaki taunts the fans on the ring apron. Neither notice that Taylor has gotten up and has the Chair that was throw at him. He first nails Stanz before the pin can be made. He then nails Itaki on the back of the head and he goes headfirst through the table that he helped set up, pretty ironic huh? Taylor picks up Stanz, hooks the arms, and delivers the Bad Attitude. He then makes the cover for the...

1...

2...

3!!!

Winners: X-Tremist Revolution via the Bad Attitude.

Artful: (sneeze) "Who the..." (sneeze) "...brought that damn..." (sneeze) "...cat in..." (sneeze) "here?!?!" (sneeze)

Richard: "What cat? I don't see any cat! Oh my God! NO!"

Artful falls off the announcer’s podium in a fit of sneezes

Richard: [bad Spanish accent] "Here lizard, lizard!"

Artful: (climbs back up to his chair) "Damnit. Okay. Sledge vs. The Multinational Rebel. Your take?"

Richard: "They can all go to hell...Umm...was that on camera? I think this may prove to be possibly the best match of the evening. The two men are pretty evenly matched and they were actually stable mates at one time. It should be interesting!"

Artful: "Indeed. Let's go to the ring and see how it all pans out."

"Fuck Off" by ICP begins to play over the arena loud speakers the Irish Rebel makes his way out of the entrance. He casually strolls down to the ring with a big smile on his face. He hops into the ring and sits on the top turnbuckle as "Epic" by Faith No More blasts throughout the arena.

Johnny Sledge walks out of the entranceway as green and red sparks shoot into the air. He holds the Cruiserweight belt over his head as the fans cheer. Sledge slaps hands with a few before jogging down to the ring.

Timothy Braddock: Ladies and Gentleman, our next match is a one fall to a finish contest for the EWA Cruiserweight championship. In the ring is the challenger. He stands at 6' 1" tall and weighs in a 223 lbs. He is the Irish…Err….Canadian Rebel. His opponent weighs in at an even 230lbs and stands 6'. He is the reigning EWA Cruiserweight champion of the World. He is the one, the only, the original, Johnny sledge.

The referee calls for the bell and the two men walk up to each other. Rebel has a smile on his face and Sledge looks much more serious. The two men are face to face. Sledge extends a hand, but Rebel knocks it away. The two men immediately start exchanging lefts and rights. Rebel ducks a blow and sticks a thumb into Sledge's eye. IR nails a boot to Sledge's midsection, doubling him over. He scoops up Sledge for a Samoan drop.

IR drops an elbow and then picks up Sledge. He Irish(Canadian) whips Sledge into the ropes. Sledge comes back and nails a Thez press. Sledge begins nailing IR in the head with forearm shots. He jumps up and starts laying the boots to Rebel. IR quickly rolls out of the ring to catch a breather.

Sledge quickly scales the ropes and flies of nailing IR with a suicide dive. He picks up Rebel and throws him head first into the ring railing. Sledge picks up Rebel, but gets nailed with an elbow to the gut. IR locks on a headlock, but Sledge grabs his waist and executes a belly-to-back suplex. IR's head bounces off the concrete floor and he rolls around holding his head.

IR staggers to his feet. Sledge runs at him, but IR bends down and back body drops Sledge into the stands. IR hops over the ring railing, grabs a chair from a fan and nails Sledge across the back with it as he tries to untangle himself from the fans. Sledge drops to the ground and IR continues his assault.

Sledge blocks another chair shot from IR and then dropkicks the chair into IR's face. Sledge lands on some fans as Rebel falls back over the ring railing. Sledge gets up quickly and runs, using the ring railing as a springboard. He jumps and nails rebel with a flying huricanranna.

Sledge hops up on the ring apron as IR staggers to his feet. Sledge jumps off and bulldogs Rebel right into the ring steps, but catches his back in the process. Both men are down. Blood begins to trickle from Rebel's forehead and you can see a huge welt form on Sledge's back. Sledge slowly climbs into the ring as IR gets back to his unsteady feet.

IR climbs onto the ring apron and Sledge meets him. He hooks up Rebel for a vertical suplex back into the ring, but Sledge's back gives out and he is unable to lift him. IR maintains the headlock and springs up onto the top rope and nails a vicious tornado DDT. IR rolls over for the cover as the referee drops down….

1….

2….

3….No…Sledge just kicks out.

Rebel begins to beat on Sledge's back. He picks up a leg and turns it into a half crab. You can see the pain on Sledge's face as the Rebel leans back. Rebel twists around into a STF. Rebel is really cranking back. You can see the determination in both men's eyes. Sledge refuses to quit as Rebel continues the pressure. Sledge slowly pulls himself over towards the rope. He grabs the rope and the referee orders the break.

Rebel picks up Sledge and positions him on the Top turnbuckle. He climbs up to the middle rope and it looks like he is setting him up for his finisher, Irish (Canadian) Pride. Sledge begins to fight back, throwing punches into Rebel's stomach. IR goes to lift him for the finisher, but Sledge holds onto the tope rope and pushes Rebel off. Rebel hits the mat as Sledge stands on the top rope. He jumps off attempting a centon back splash, but Rebel moves out of the way. Sledge hits his back hard and rolls over holding it.

Rebel immediately jumps on top of Sledge and locks on a camel clutch. Sledge screams out in pain but will not give up. Sledge begins to weaken as Rebel cranks the hold. Sledge's arms and head drop and the referee comes over to see if he can continue. The referee lifts up Sledge's arm…once…twice…three times…The ref is about to call for the bell but Sledge lifts his arm up and begins to struggle. Sledge gets his knees underneath him and then begins to stand. In an amazing show of fortitude Sledge stands with Rebel on his back and runs back first into the turnbuckle.

Sledge turns and starts firing chops into IR. Blow after blow lands and then Sledge unleashes an nasty European uppercut. He locks his arms around the Rebel's waist and belly-to-belly suplexes IR out of the corner. Sledge appears to be getting his second wind, but his back is still bothering him. IR gets back to his feet and is met with a running clothesline.

Sledge picks up IR and goes for an Irish whip. IR reverses it, sending Sledge hard into the turnbuckle. IR runs at him looking to nail a splash, but Sledge quickly snaps a super kick that almost takes IR's head off. Sledge quickly springs onto the top rope and flies off nailing a guillotine leg drop. He picks up IR and then throws him over his shoulders for one of his patented finishers, the Wrecking ball.

Sledge's knees begin to buckle and it looks like his back may be about to give out. He drops to one knee as someone hops over the ring barrier and grabs a chair. Sledge gathers his strength and lifts himself up to his feet as the person climbs up onto the apron and into the ring. Sledge is about to execute the Wrecking ball as he is nailed across the back with the chair. Sledge collapses to the ground as the referee calls for the bell.

Touchdown Tommy continues to slam the chair over Sledge's back. Rebel rolls out of the ring, grabs the Cruiserweight belt and rolls back into the ring again. Rebel takes the belt and nails Sledge in the back of the head with it as TD Tommy continues to jam the end of the chair into Sledge's back. The two men continue their assault.

Sledge is virtually helpless as the two men beat on him. A person comes running out of the back. As he gets closer to the ring, you can see that it is Detective Dee Brown. He slides into the ring with a nightstick in his hand. Rebel turns around just in time to be nailed in the gut with the end of the nightstick. Rebel falls over still holding the belt and crawls out of the ring.

Winner: Johnny Sledge via DQ

Richard: "What a great match and Touchdown had to ruin it. I guess it was payback from earlier?"

Artful: "That cock sucker. But then again, sledge did ask for it. In fact, he practically bent over and spread his butt cheeks to Touchdown could......"

Richard: "You nasty devil. I sure that Rebel will get another shot at Sledge and actually he gets his shot at the North American title this coming Sunday at the next Extreme Measures."

Artful: "Ooh. He's just a regular title contender these days, isn't he?"

Richard: "Maybe I should say I'm from Paraguay and then I'll get a title shot."

Artful: "You're from Paraguay? Damn, you vs. the winner of this next match next week."

Richard: "Umm...Cool. Wait who's in the next match?"

Artful: "That would be Cyris vs. Eli Flair."

Richard: "I'm an American. I'm really just an ordinary American! I SWEAR!"

Artful: "I thought you were Irish?"

Richard: "Ummm..yeah...That too!"

Artful: "Cool. You vs. the winner of this next match next week."

Richard: "I'm gonna be the champion! [whispers to Artful] You think I've got a chance?"

Artful: "Snowball's chance in hell."

Richard: "Damn. It should be interesting though. Let's talk about THIS match now."

Artful: "Alright then. Cyris has been a fixture here in the EWA for quite a while. He was the first and second man to hold the Global Hardcore title, and is just generally not a nice guy to pick a fight with."

Richard: "Very true Artful! He is definitely not a nice man and also a damn good Backgammon player as well, but I digress. Eli Flair has been impressive with his no nonsense style and strong technical ability. I think this may be a very tough test for the champ. Possibly tougher than he expects."

Artful: "They've been at each other's throats all week. Cyris even had the audacity to call Flair a rookie. Flair has been around the block more than once, and should give Cyris one hell of a fight."

Richard: "Yes the audacity of Cyris, but then again Flair did misspell his name. I hate when that happens. Let's get down to the ring for the big main event!"

"No More tears" by Ozzy Osborne begins to play, and the crowd jumps to it’s feet. Poison Ivy appears followed by Eli Flair. The crowd begins to cheer wildly as they walk down to the ring. Flair looks at the fans that line both sides of the entranceway, and gives a slight smile. He climbs up on the ring apron, and raises a fist into the air before climbing into the ring. Ivy climbs into the ring, and whispers a few words into Flair’s ear. Flair adjusts his knee and elbow pads to ensure maximum comfort.

Suddenly the music changes. "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns ‘n’ Roses begins to play and Cyris steps confidently from behind the mysterious black curtain that separates the fans from the backstage area. The Global Hardcore Championship Belt glitters around the waist of Cyris as he walks down to the ring. His gaze is fixed on his opponent as he climbs up onto the ring apron. After climbing through the ropes, Cyris removes the belt from his waist and hands it to the ref, who shows it to the very cheerful crowd. Ivy climbs out of the ring, and the ref hands the title to the timekeeper. The bell sounds, and the match begins.

The two men, who are fairly evenly matched as far as height and weight are concerned, lock up in the center of the ring. Cyris gets Flair into a side headlock. Flair manages to push Cyris into the ropes, then drops to the mat as Cyris rebounds and runs toward the opposite side of the ring. Flair gets back to his feet, and tries to clothesline Cyris, but the champ doesn’t go down. The two men stare at each other for a moment, then Flair goes to the ropes. As he bounces back, Cyris catches him in the gut with a knee. From his position on the mat, Flair executes a Russian leg sweep that takes Cyris to the mat. Flair is quick to capitalize on the situation, and begins to drive his knee into the back of Cyris’ knee. Cyris looks to be in considerable pain as he struggles to get away from the extremely heavy knees of Flair. After two or three shots Cyris is able to pull away and get to the ropes. The ref makes Flair step back as he checks on Cyris.

Cyris pushes the ref out of the way, and walks toward Flair with a slight limp. Flair circles around Cyris, and kicks him in the back of his already injured knee. Cyris stumbles, but refuses to go down, grabbing Flair’s shoulder for balance, and pulling closer. Cyris hits Flair squarely with a headbut. As Flair staggers backward Cyris limps closer and levels him with a short arm clothesline. Flair rolls out of the ring to catch his breath.

Ivy circles around the ring and begins offering advice to Flair as he stares up at Cyris and the Ref, who has begun his count. At the count of 8 Flair rolls back into the ring, only to get stomped on repeatedly by Cyris. Flair reaches up and grabs the front of Cyris’ tights, and pulls him down, clotheslining him on the middle rope. As Cyris lies draped over the middle rope, Flair gets to his feet, and runs for the opposite ropes. Rebounding back Flair leaps into the air, and drives his knee into Cyris’ back. Flair drags the dazed Cyris to the center of the ring, and hits him with several bionic elbows that split Cyris’ head open, causing blood to run down his face. Cyris begins to fight back, pushing Flair backward. As Flair’s arms flail about in an attempt to regain he balance, he inadvertently elbows the ref in the jaw, knocking him to the floor, unconscious. After regaining his balance, Flair lunges forward, hitting Cyris in the jaw with an elbow. Cyris rocks backward dazed as Flair circles around behind him. Without thinking twice Flair drops Cyris with an inverted DDT. As Flair gets back to his feet he gives a signal to the crowd, and they erupt with glee.

Flair locks the Total Elimination on Cyris! Cyris looks to be in considerable pain! Ivy is ecstatic, but the ref is still out cold outside the ring! Ivy runs over to the ref and tries to revive him. The pain looks to be more than Cyris can bear, as he tries to get to the ropes. As Ivy continues to revive the ref, Suicide King runs down to ringside with his trusty urinal. Climbing into the ring behind out of Flair’s line of sight, SK rears back with the urinal. Ivy looks up and sees SK. She screams at Flair to turn around. As he turns toward her SK brings the urinal crashing down on the side of Flair’s head, knocking him to the mat, and breaking the hold. SK continues to stomp on Flair as Cyris struggles to get to his feet. Flair begins to rise, blood running down the side of his head where he was hit with the urinal. Without warning or explanation, SK falls to the mat, followed by Cyris. When the dust clears Ronny Wonder is standing above them holding Enrique the Ronny Cake by his stubby little legs. Flair gets to his feet and looks at Wonder.

Wonder puts down Enrique, who rolls out of the ring, and extends a hand of friendship towards Flair. Flair tentatively takes Wonder’s hand, then smiles as Cyris and SK get back to their feet. Hands still clasped, the new friends clothesline SK. Wonder lets go of Flair’s hand, and begins to lay into Cyris with a series of kicks as Flair drops a knee on SK’s head. Ivy finally revives the ref, who climbs into the ring and signals for the bell. The ref tries to regain control, but it’s no use. A stream of ref’s and officials emerge from the back and try to separate the four men, with only marginal success.

Winner: Double DQ

Artful: "Cheese and rice! It's an all out brawl down there!"

Richard: "My God. All out chaos has ensued down in the ring. Can you believe that Eli Flair was within a hair of beating the Global champion. I think we are almost out of time. Any last words?"

Artful: "Until next week, Pogue Mahone!"

Richard: "Same here!"

Fade to Brown