Black Jokes

Q: What's the definition of black foreplay?
A: Don't scream or I'll kill you.

Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the Pole?
A: The Pole because the black had to stop to write "motherfucker" on the wall.

Q: What did Lincoln say after his five day drunk?
A: I freed whom.

Q: What's long, black and smelly?
A: The unemployment line.

Q: Why don't blacks like blowjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black prostitute with a Chinese woman?
A: A broad that sucks shirts.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black with a Sioux Indian?
A: A boy named Sue.

Q: How do you make a black nervous?
A: Take him to an auction.

Q: Why do blacks smell so bad?
A: So the blind can hate them too.

THIS IS SO FUNNY!!!
Q: How did they invent break dancing?
A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.

Q: Why do blacks keep their fly's open?
A: In case they have to count to eleven.

Q: What do you call a black man in a tree?
A: A branch manager

Q: What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's day

Q: What do you get when you cross a black man with an Irishman?
A: A Lepracoon.

Q: What do they do with dead blacks in Florida?
A: Skin them and use them for wetsuits.

Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

Q: What do you call 4 blacks in a 57 chevy?
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Why did God invent the climax?
A: So blacks would know when to stop fucking.

Q: What do you call 100 blacks stacked on top of the other?
A: A coondiminium.

Q: Why did so many blacks get killed in the war?
A: When the Colonel yelled get down, they all got up and danced.

Q: What do you call lipstick for blacks?
A: Mop 'n Glow.

Q: What's black and white, black and white, black and white and red?
A: A black and a pelican fighting over a carp.

Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black with a small prick, that can't play basketball.

Q: Why did the D.C. Park Commission count only 400000 people at the Million
Man March?
A: They missed the 600000 in the trees.

Q: Why do white people tan if they get some sun, but burn if they get too
much?
A: God didn't want any more niggers.

Q: Why are blacks mad at God?
A: You'd be mad too if God put pubic hair on your head.

Q: What's the difference between a nigger's head and a bowling ball?
A: Nigger's head gets soft about the fifth frame.

Q: Why do black's smell so much?
A: So blind people can hate 'em too.

Q: A black and a Mexican are in the same car, who's driving?
A: The cop.

Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a Drum.

Q: How do you hide money from a black man?
A: Put it under his work clothes.

Q: Do you know what you call a nigger with a wooden leg???
A: Shit on a stick.

Q: Did you hear about the big boot sale out at the western store???
A: There is a pair of beautiful white boots-they're $7,500.00- and are made
from human skin. 
But you can get the same boot in black for $19.95.

Mexican Jokes

Q: How many Mexican's does it take to grease a car?
A: Just one if you hit him right.

Q: Why are scientists breeding Mexicans instead of rats for experiments?
A: They multiply faster and you don't get as attached to them.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a Vietnamese?
A: A car thief that can't drive.

Q: Did you hear about the two Mexicans on "That's Incredible"?
A: One had auto insurance and the other was an only child.

Q: How come the Mexican army only use 600 soldiers at the Alamo?
A: They only had two cars.

Q: Why do Mexicans eat beans?
A: So they can have a bubble bath.

Q: How do you know that Superman isn't Mexican?
A: Because he would steal wheels off air planes if he was.

Q: Why do Mexicans have low riders?
A: So they can pick up bottles and cans.

Q: Why do most Mexican men have mustaches? 
A: Because they want to look like their mothers.

Q: What do you call a pretty Mexican girl?
A: Lucky

Q: How can you tell a Mexican airline?
A: It's the one with hair under the wings.

Q: Why Aren't There Any Swimming Pools In Mexico?
A: Because All The Mexicans Who Can Swim Are Over Here.

Q: Why Do Mexicans Have Re-Fried Beans?
A: Have You Ever Heard Of A Mexican Doing Anything Right The First Time?

Q: Why Wasn't Christ Born In Mexico?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q: Why was the Mexican so excited?
A: He found out he could use Right Guard under his left arm!

Q: Why Is There So Little Great mexican Literature?
A: Spray Paint Wasn't Invented Until 1950.

Q: Why don't Mexicans like blow jobs?
A: They don't like ANY kind of jobs.

Q: What do you say to a Mexican in a three-piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise!

Q: What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican And A Squirrel?
A: A Tree Full Of Hubcaps.

Q: What Do You Get When You Cross A Mexican And A Pig?
A: Nothing. There Are Some Things Even A Pig Won't Do.

Q: What Do You Call A Mexican With An I.Q: Of 176?
A: A Village.

Q: What Do You Call A Mexican Paratrooper?
A: Instant Air Pollution.

Q: What Did The Mexican Do With His First Fifty Cent Piece?
A: He Married Her.

Q: How Many Mexicans Does It Take To Eat An Armadillo?
A: Three, One To Eat It And Two To Watch For Cars.

Q: How can you spot a Mexican firing squad?
A: They stand in a circle.

Q: How Are Mexican Children Taught To Put On Their Underwear?
A: Brown In The Back, Yellow Up Front.

Blonde Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? 
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.

Q: How do you give a blonde more headroom?
A: Adjust the steering wheel.

Q: Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
A: She was trying to blow the horn.

Q: Why does a blonde wear panties?
A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: What did the blind blonde say as she was making love with her new
boyfriend?
A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."

Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common? 
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They are both fucked when they're on their back.

Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out?
A: If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes?
A: At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.

Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making
love to him?
A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."

Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written
on the 
overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.

Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
A: Thanks for the refill.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW