Newsletter Section

Its official … Lada forgot to do the newsletter. He is sorry – at least that's what he said when he bought me a cup of coffee earlier today. So … Pencil has instructed me to get the newsletter in the post today and so you will have to put up with whatever I can squeeze in during my busy afternoon at the office. Here goes …….

The run, set by Couch, circumcised Herald Island.

And now …

The Story of my Life

When I was 14, all I wanted was a girl with big tits. When I was 16, I dated a girl with big tits, but there was no passion.  So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.  In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.  When I was 25, I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. Now I am 40, and all I want is a girl with big tits.

I Wish Department

A  W.I.F.E.

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their professions.

One guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE.. you know...Young, Urban, Professional etc.

The second guys says,  "I'm a DINK you know, Double Income No Kids."

They asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied....  "I'm a WIFE... you know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

LANA COC-KROFT: Sorry what was the question?

TUKOROIRANGI MORGAN: The chicken's mana entitled it to cross the road whenever it wanted and wherever it wanted. The chicken is not required to provide a reason for its actions. It's time the rednecks stopped chicken-bashing.

WINSTON PETERS: I am fed up with the constant stream of unproven accusations from the press.  This newsletter is not an appropriate forum to reveal the motives of the chicken.  To discuss this matter now would  be to pre-empt a possible court action. I am frankly disappointed you asked that question.

ROB MULDOON: It thought big !.

TEGEL FOODS: The one that got away.

SAM HUNT: So the chicken / crossed the road / and also rode / the cross./ Our nation's boss /the Southern Cross / Now bears his/ PALTRY load.

MICHAEL JOSEPH SAVAGE: Where we go, the chicken goes. Where we stand, the chicken stands.

PAUL HOLMES: Well. The chicken.  Crossed the road. Or so we all thought. It now seems that the whole story. May have been invented.  To boost. Interest in a new book published published might add yes I might I might indeed published by the very same chook. Tonight on Holmes. We investigate. The chook book crook ahmph.

JIM HICKEY: The chicken was tripped up by the end of a swirling tropical cycloney whirl and caught in a nor'westerly flow by that mashed potato depression over the Pacific.

RODNEY HIDE: The chicken did not stop to consider the real cost of it's excursion because it's government subsidised perk hid the cost from the taxpaying public.

SHAKESPEARE:  There is a willow grows aslant the brook.

LES MILLS:  The chicken has made a choice, which was not genetically determined, and we would all live better together if the Chicken stopped trying to blame society for the choice the chicken made for itself.

TEMUERA MORRISON: So it wouldn't be in Guatemala any more?

KEN MAIR:  Birds are the true indigenous inhabitants of New Zealand and as such are the true owners of all land.  It is none of your business what the chicken does on its land.

GEOFFREY PALMER: Without a constitutional restraint, we, the people of New Zealand, cannot stop an unbridled chicken.

NIKE: Just did it.

SUZANNE PAUL:  Howmuchwouldyouexpecttopay?Notonlydoyougetthechickenwithwingsbutalsotheroadandifyouareo neofthefirst500callersI'llthrowinthisfabulousnaturalglowingcrossingwhichthousandsoflumionousbluem onkeyshavepaidhundredsforit'syoursfree.PriceexcludesGST,postagepackagingandspecialconditions apply.

EDMUND HILLARY;   The chicken knocked the bugger off because it was there.

SEAN FITZPATRICK: Yeah, full credit to the chicken, it was a road of two halves.

PAM CORKERY: Why did the CHICKEN cross the ROAD. That's just the sort of stupid pig ignorant patronising question I've come to expect a dork like you to ask.

JAMES K BAXTER:   When the chicken bought the farm the bracken made it's bed. And why not cross the road? The Magpies said.

RICHARD LOE: I didn't do anything to the chicken!

SUZY CATO: (Playschool)   Road.  R-O-A-D.  Avenue, path, street, track, motorway. Brrm Brrm.  Road.  See the chicken.  See chicken run.

MERCURY ENERGY: If the chicken has the power to cross the road it should expect to lose it.  If it has already lost it, it should not expect it to return for at least 2 weeks.

MARC ELLIS:  Ridgey kicked it there didnja mate didnja.

ROGER BLAKELEY: (Internal Affairs CEO) The chicken had looked at its future state, acknowledged its current situation (i.e. being on this side of the road), identified its gap strategies and then aligned its resources to achieve the mission of getting to the other side. Performance indicators currently have it at 8.2.

The Karangahape Water Polo Team Section

Next Run Section

Committee – 444 Run

The run will depart at 6:15pm sharp. A long awaited new Vets T-shirt to commemorate the 444th Vets Run will be available on a first come, first to pay, first served basis. Cost $20.00 each. No money, no T-shirt.

The run will depart (and the On On held) from under the Newmarket Viaduct. Take the first drive on the right from the motorway on ramp (heading south) off St. Marks Road.

On On

Pencil

Just Do It Section