MY LITTLE TIRADE                 by            Andrew Atkins
                                                             (Based on the short story by Greg Rychlewski)

FADE IN:
INT.  OFFICE - MONDAY MORNING
Hundreds of employees scurry about in a maze of cubicles.
ANDREW (V.O.)
It was Monday morning and everyone was excited to talk about what wonderful weekends they had. I guess I could have joined in, but what would I talk about? While everyone was off partying and having a good time, I sat alone in my lifeless, confined apartment. Besides, no one is interested in talking to me.
INT.  OFFICE - LOUNGE
JOHN (25) and LARRY (26) sit on the couch smoking a cigarette.  ANDREW (24), shaggy brown hair, stubble for a beard, sits next to them. 
Andrew stares at his lap.
JOHN
Hey Larry, could you believe that ending?  Wow.  Unbelievable.
LARRY
I know. Who ever would've thought Darth Vader would be Luke Skywalker's father.
JOHN
I didn't see that one coming.
LARRY
Who did?  That's like my favorite movie of all-time. 
Andrew slowly stands up and wonders away.
INT.  OFFICE - CUBICLE
Andrews stares blankly into the computer monitor in front of him.
INT. OFFICE - PHOTOCOPIER
Two LADIES each with a coffee in hand.  They photocopy some papers.
LADY #1
Hey, did you come to Jesse's party on Saturday?
LADY #2
Of course, that was crazy, wasn't it? 
LADY #1
Oh my god.  I can't remember the last time I had so much fun.  And did you see Mark?  Wow, didn't he look good?
LADY #2
No. I didn't see him.  He was there?  Oh my god, describe how he looked. 
Andrew trudges by.
ANDREW
Hi.  Excuse me, are you ladies almost finished?
LADY #2
What?
ANDREW
The photocopier.  I need it.
LADY #1
Does it look like we're finished?  Tell you what, when you see us leave, that'll probably give you a good indication.  Alright?
ANDREW
Alright.  I'm sorry.  
Andrew hangs his head and walks away.
LADY #1
Ugh.  What a loser.  Anyway.  So he was wearing these tight jeans.  You should've seen him, his ass looked SO GOOD.
ANDREW (V.O.)
While they were talking and laughing, I was thinking.  Thinking of how I let my self become like this. Memories from my school years haunted me. Everyday a new one would pop into my mind, reminding me of how pathetic I was, and still am. 
INT. SCHOOL - CAFETERIA 
High-pitched screams and obnoxious laughter spread through the cafeteria like a disease.
Andrew, 12 years younger, scans for a place to sit.
At the far end of the room a group of FRIENDS are about to leave.  
Andrew cautiously walks over.
One of the friends points Andrew out.
FRIEND #1
Who the hell is that?
FRIEND #2
Hell if I know.
FRIEND #1
HEY! YOU!
ANDrew
Me?
Andrew gulps.
FRIEND #1
What the hell you doing?  Do you got a staring problem or something?
ANDREW
Oh.. No.  It just looked like you were finished and I --
FRIEND #1
And what?  We'll leave when we're good and ready.  
FRIEND #3
Yeah.  So get the outta here you freak!
Andrew quickly turns and begins his way out of the cafeteria.
Without looking, Andrew knocks right into a KID.  
Andrew's lunch splatters allover himself. 
The entire cafeteria bursts out in laughter.
KID
Watch where you're going, moron.
The laughter grows even louder.
ANDREW (V.O.)
It was as if I was thrown in a cage, with the label "IDIOT" attached to it and put on display.
INT. OFFICE - CUBICLE
Andrew continues to stare blankly at his computer monitor.  A loud CREEK snaps him out of it.
Andrew stands up and peers out his cubicle.
INT. OFFICE 
MR. BYARD (45), strolls through the office, by the cubicles. 
INT. OFFICE - CUBICLE
ANDREW
Shit! Shit! SHIT!
Andrew frantically dives underneath his desk. 
MR. Byard arrives.  He clears his throat.
MR. BYARD
Andrew, what are you doing?
Andrew jumps up, banging his head from underneath the desk.
ANDREW
Ow.  Oh.  Hi.  Uhm, nothing.  I think a wire is loose or something.
MR. BYARD
I believe you have something for me?
ANDREW
Actually, sir, I've been really forgetful this week.  I'll have the report by tomorrow, I promise. 
MR. BYARD
Come.  Take a walk with me.
Mr. Byard and Andrew walk through the office.
INT. OFFICE
MR. BYARD
Let me ask you something Andrew, do you know why we have deadlines here at Inter Tech?
ANDREW
Yes.  Yes I do sir, it's just that I...
MR. BYARD
You see, Andrew, this company relies on its employees to do the best job that they possibly can. Now if someone decides to slack off here or there, it hurts everybody. This can lead to...
ANDREW (V.O.)
I could feel everyone's eyes on me. This was completely humiliating. I'm a grown man and he's speaking to me as if I was a kid who just sneaked an extra cookie before dinner. I remembered this feeling. My heart racing, my palms sweating and my body trembling. I hadn't felt this way since I was in school. 
INT. SCHOOL - CLASSROOM 
A teenage Andrew sits in a packed classroom.  MRS. MONROE is in front of the class writing on the chalkboard.
MRS. MONROE
So who can tell me Abraham Lincoln's presidential legacy?
Mrs. Monroe searches for a raised hand. 
No one raises their hand.
MRS. MONROE 
How about you, Andrew?  Can you tell me?
ANDREW
Um, He signed the declaration of independence? 
MRS. MONROE
No -- Did you forget to do your homework again, Andrew?  What's the matter, are you too good for homework?  Do you have better things to do, like buy things for your girlfriend? 
A BOY in the class quickly yells out:
BOY
YEAH RIGHT!  NO GIRL WOULD EVER GO OUT WITH ANDREW!!
The classroom explodes in laughter.
ANDREW
No, no.  You see...
The laughter grows louder.  Kids everywhere are pointing and laughing.
ANDREW (V.O.)
Everywhere I looked, someone laughing.  I felt surrounded.  Trapped.  Finally, I had enough.
Andrew closes his eyes and starts to breath heavy.  He clinches his fists.  His face turns red.
ANDREW
SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!
The classroom goes pitch silent. 
INT. OFFICE.
Andrew opens his eyes.
MR. BYARD
Pardon?
ANDREW (V.O.)
Judging by my boss's expression, my outburst wasn't contained within the boundaries of my mind.  It had slipped into reality.  This felt too surreal.  It was as if for the first time in my life I felt empowered. 
ANDREW
I SAID SHUT UP!
MR. BYARD
Andrew, I really don't think --
Mr. Byard begins to sweat profusely.
ANDREW
DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID SHUT UP!!
Andrew grabs the nearest monitor and throws it on the ground and kicks it a few times.
Mr. Byard quickly signals the SECRETARY over and whispers in her ear.  The second he is done, she scurries off.
ANDREW
What'd you say to her?
MR. BYARD
Oh, nothing important.
ANDREW
Tell me! 
MR. BYARD
Really, It's nothing.  Just don't do anything crazy, alright?
Two large MEN outfitted entirely walk in.  They head towards Andrew.
ANDREW
Oh, no you didn't!
The men get closer.
ANDREW
Alright!  I'm sorry!  Please tell them to back!
The two men grab Andrew by the arms
ANDREW
PLEASE!  DON'T DO THIS TO ME.  I AM NOT CRAZY!
Tears are now streaming down Andrew's face.
ANDREW
PLEASE!  I'M BEGGING YOU!
The two men drag Andrew towards the exit.
Andrew kicks and screams to no avail.
ANDREW
PLEASE!!! I AM NOT CRAZY! LET GO OF ME!!!
FADE TO BLACK.
ANDREW (V.O.)
And just like that, I was gone.  Out of their lives forever.  Sure they will mingle around the office and discuss my little tirade.  But only until they have a new movie or party to talk about.