Get your own Free Home Page"I will fight no more forever" -Chief Joesph
"I become a transparent eyeball." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I'm just saying I'm being myself, and people understand that." -Dennis Rodman
"No problem is too big and complicated, that it can't be run away from." -Linus, from Peanuts comic strip
"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative." -???
"Go to the bathroom every time you get a chance." -King George V
"Sure it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway." -Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane
"The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins concert tickets to caller #95." -a Los Angeles radio DJ shortly after the February 1990 earthquake
"Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?" -accused theif who undertook his own defense at his trial, to his alleged victin, as reported in the National Review. He got 10 years.
"In no way is it possible for a person to be in two places at the same time, especially if there is a great distance in between." -Judge Amado Guerrero, Mexican Tenth District Federal Court, on a defendant's alibi
"I'd rather be a big fish in a big pond with a bunch of other fish, than a big fish in a small pond." -Shaquille O'Neal, On why he'd prefer to live in L.A., rather than Orlando
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." -Winston Bennet, former University of Kentucky basketball forward
"Life isn't fair, so why should athletics be fair." -Tom Izzo, Michigan State men's basketball head coach
"If Jesus were on the field, he'd be pithching inside and breaking up double plays. He'd be high-fiving the other guys." -Tim Burle, Montreal Expos pitcher
"It just as easily could have gone the other way." -Chicago Cubs manager Don Zimmer on his team's 4-4 record on a road trip
"People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000." -Texas Ranger baseball player Pete Incavigila
"Me and George and Billy are two of a kind." -Micky Rivers, Texas Rangers outfielder, on his warm relationship with Yankee owner Steinbrenner and manager Billy Martin
"If you can't make the putts and can't get the man in from second on the bottom of the ninth, you're not going to win enough football games in this league, and that's the problem we had today." -Sam Rutigliano, Cleveland Browns coach, on why his team lost
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." -Charles de Gaulle, president of France
"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave." -President Gerald Ford
"I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio." -Gerald Ford
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." -President Gerald Ford
"What was Watergate? A little bugging!" -Richard Nixon
"[I want to] make sure everybody who has a job wants a job." -George Bush, during his first campaign for the presidency
"When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results." -Calvin Coolidge, ex-president, discussing the United States economic situation in 1931.
"Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed." -President Ronald Reagan at a GOP fundraiser
"It was necessary to distroy the village in order to save it." -an American officer in Vietnam in a 1968 report on the razing of Vietnamese village Ben Tre
"The infiltration group was composed of 1/3 males, 1/3 females, and 1/3 party officials." -from a military intelligence document during the Vietnam War, quoted by former army intelligence officer Bruce E. Jones
"Outside of the killlings, [Washington] has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.
"There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths and there are made-up truths." -Marion Barry, on his arrest for drug use.
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe." -Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
"If I tell a lie it's only because I think I'm telling the truth." -Phil Gaglardi, Minister of Highways in British Columbia, Canada
"These are not my figures I'm quoting. They're from someone who knows what he's talking about." -congressman in debate
"The right to suffer is one of the joys of a free economy." -Howard Pyle, aide to Presicent Dwight Eisenhower, comminting on the unemployment situation in Detroit
"If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for me." -a congressman to Dr. David Edwards, head of the Joint National Committee on Language, about the necessity for a commercial nation to be multilingual
"If crime went down 100%, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be." -Councilman John Bowman commenting on the high crime rate in Washington D.C.
"That's part of American greatness, is discrimination. Yes, sir. Inequality, I think, breeds freedom and gives man opportunity." -Lester Maddox, ex-governor of Georgia
"Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans." -Alf Landon (in America), during a speech in his presidential campaign against FDR
"A man could not be in two places at the same time unless he were a bird." -Sir Boyle Roche, eighteenth-century Memeber of Parliament from Tralee
"In every country the Communists have taken over, the first thing they do is outlaw cockfighting." -John Monks, Oklahoma state representative, arguing against a bill that would make cockfighting illegal in the state
"I'm not indecisive. Am I indecisive?" -Jim Scheibel, mayor of St. Paul, Minnesota
"If I told you the truth, I'd be a hypocrite." -Michael Curtiz, Hollywood, when asked his opinion of a producer
"Don't talk to me while I'm interrupting." -Michael Curtiz
"If you can't keep quiet, shut up!" -Gregory Ratoff, 1930s and '40s Hollywood director of films such as Intermezzo, to his crew
"I want to hear it so quiet we can hear a mouse dropping." -Gregory Ratoff
"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." -Samuel Goldwyn, to a young writer
"Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day." -Samuel Goldyn
"Why call him Joe? Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called Joe." -Samuel Goldwyn
"I never put on a pair on shoes until I've worn them five years." -Samuel Goldwyn
"He fakes a bluff." -Ron Fairly, Giants broadcast announcer
"Bruce Sutter has been around for a while and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That gives you some idea of how old he is." -Ron Fairly
"And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is that Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter, Kansas City leads in the eighth, 4 to 4." -Jerry Coleman, Padres announer, going through the scoreboard on air
"They throw out Winfield at second and he's safe." -Jerry Coleman
"I usually take a two-hour nap, from one o'clock to four." -Yogi Berra, explaining what he does before night games
"You can observe a lot by watching." -Yogi Berra
Elderly woman (on a hot day in St. Petersburg, Florida): "Good afteroon, Mr. Berra. My, you look mighty cool today."
Yogi Berra: Thank you, ma'am. You don't look so hot yourself.
Yogi Berra: "You mean you get seasick?"
Rube Walker: "Do I ever!"
Yogi Berra: "On water?"
"The similarities between me and my father are different." -Dale Berra, Yogi Berra's son
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