I was full of rants, and rage, and I wanted to change, and educate the world. I wanted to share my viewpoint with others, and I wanted to make my mark on cyberspace.

But somewhere along there the angst went away. My little corner of the web got bigger, to the point where people I knew in real life, people from work, and girlfriends would start to read it.

And it's hard to write compellingly when you are careful of your words. I started up nakedivity.com (probably just a banner now) as an outlet for the throughts and rants that were oppressed.

I don't know if it's just that I'm getting older, or just that I've taken enough life knocks that changing the world no longer seems like a viable option... Life obligations, bills, and the quest for the "better life" takes away all the choice that I had five years ago..

I've always been one of those people who are above average at everything, but not dedicated enough to become good at anything in particular.

In high-school, I excelled at pretty much all of my subjects, but the ones I enjoyed most were writing and art. I had an article in a magazine when I was in grade 12. My english teacher gave me crap for going to western for sciences. Now that I think back on it, I should have given myself crap.

I was driven by the same quest that's ingrained into all of us. To get a good job, the dream woman, the house, the nice car, and the lifestyle that everyone should have.

If university hadn't been so incredibly dull, I probably would have just followed the path laid out for me. But between that, and the poverty that set in in second year that forced me to live on one Mr. Noodle a day, and drop from 180 lbs to 140lbs..

I took a summer job. And never left. And so, I wandered along, up the engineering ladder. There's always room for the bright guy willing to take things beyond where anyone else wants to take them.

Which brings me to now. I make good money, good enough money that I've essentially trapped myself into a career that I never really chose. It's one that I'm good at, but it's not one that I particularily enjoy.

I've gotten accustomed to the lifestyle, and while there's nothing I would rather do than dye my hair green, and ressurect my old band, it's just not an option. I've got too many financial responsabilities, and liabilites.

I met a guy the other day who came to Western, but didn't enroll in school. He's simply following his music, and he came here for the social education, not the paper one. He has no ties to anywhere, and he's free to go, and do whatever he wants.

And I envy him. I really envy him.

Money, though nice to have, enslaves you. Some days, there isn't much that I wouldn't give to have nothing again, and a clean slate in front of me.

I dunno. There's just something about the world that makes me wish that I could just watch, and observe, and not actually take part in it..

I once asked a guildance counsellor what education I needed to become God. Turns out, they don't teach that in school. *sigh*

Ah well. When I started writing this, there was a point, and I'm not completely sure that I've forgotten it. I just realized that I've been typing away for a very long time, and that the odds of someone actually reading it, are pretty slim...