Quotes, Stories and Memories

Advice from veteran Twin Ports partier Art Rosenpenis

• If you go to Suptown put on the foil in the car on the way over.
• After you drive home. Stay home. Save the Duluth tour for the Daylight hours. Believe me. It is prettier.
• If you end up at the Black Bear Casino after Suptown, be sure to indulge in the buffet. Believe me. You will need it.
• Resist the temptation to drink quarter beers at Grandma's. You will be thankful the next morning.
• If you stop at Hardees, ask for the nightly update on the status of the Duluth police department. The well informed security guards (who should be flipping burgers) will let you know if "the cops are thick out there tonight guys"
• Remember that first, second, and third streets are two way streets after about 12 beers. Watch out for traffic going the "wrong way"
• If you are going to blow chow, avoid the Missile Silo. It does not camouflage partially processed food, booze and stomach acid too well. Behind the garage is the preferred location to "feed the birds"
• If you return home around 7 AM (hopefully from a Chick's place or the casino) resist the temptation to grab the sports page from Marge to check on the score of the previous night's game. (you hopefully won't remember) Wait until at least noon to check.
• Do not order a pitcher of Woodchuck at the microbrewery in Fitgers unless you are ready to take out another student loan. The going rate is $14. Stick to the Miller Lite.
• If you do get in trouble with the law, and they ask you if you have been drinking, always reply "Oh, Yaaaa, Yubetcha."
• Anybody who does not make it home "slept at Rogan's"
• If you are going to try to do the Macarena in Suptown, be sure to set down the 2 beers you will have in your hands.
• Unless you have a good suntan, avoid the Cove.
• It is not worth it to pay the cover charge at the Lamplighter a.k.a. the "Leglifter" or the "limplifter" in Suptown. Save your money. You can't get drunk enough to enjoy it, even in Suptown.
• Don't wear your Vikings jersey to Carrigan's. It can get ugly.
• Unless you are in a cab, avoid singing the Speed Racer theme song on the way to Superior. Your driver will thank you the next day.
• If Rogan invites you to a flute concert, politely decline the offer and get the hell out of town as quickly as possible.
• If you get hammered at Grandma's and need to stumble home, take the Lakewalk. It is quicker, there is less traffic, and there are lots of places to take a quick easy leak and not get in caught.
  
  Our good friend, Art Rosenpenis heard about the Gopher puck trip to Denver though Art has never "tied one on" out in Denver, but he did say "that he knew dis guy once who knew dis utter guy who raged out der one time."
  Based on "dis guys" experience, Art offered the following advice on how to survive the weekend:
  
• When in Boulder be careful if you order a "mushroom and swiss" burger......also watch out for tear gas and other civil unrest, riots, etc If stuff starts to glow, you know you've been had.
• You only need to know one thing when it comes to pro sports in CO....and that is that Elway was the greatest player ever to play the game. His car dealership rules too.
• Remember not to order a "Coke" when you are at the Pepsi Center.....to avoid potential slip-ups at the concession stand.....stick to drinking beer.
• Don't remind the locals about Jon Bonet or Columbine......it makes them pissy
• The rocky mountains are by far the coolest topographic feature on the face of the earth. This makes denver extremely f*(k&in# cool. Don't bother trying to convince the locals otherwise....it could get rough.
• Bring your boots to the bar with you. It may be nice in the morning when you start drinking, but after a strong day at the tavern, you may emerge to find everything burried in 2 feet of snow. This happens weekly out der......
• Tim and Lou....watch out for the taco bell. Art knows how problamatic this can be on one's digestive system at 3 AM.....
  
  I just spoke with a good friend of mine, Dusty Miner. He had some additional advice to add to Art's fine picture of life near the mountains.
• Boulder ain't the only place to watch for riots. Those crazy folks at Northern Colorado and rabid Broncos and Avalanche fans have been known to throw a few too many back and start a couch on fire. Though the crazy Boulderites seem to do it at least once a year.
• Somewhere along the line, the idiots who run the University of Colorado and the University of Denver, thought they should switch the abbreviations from the proper UC and UD to CU and DU. Don't ask questions or you could find yourself buried in an Avalanche
• Remember to drink a little more water and a little less alcohol than you are used to unless you want to cause a big mess. The altitude at Denver is 5280 feet. Much higher than you flatlanders are used too.
• They serve more than cheeseburgers at Shotgun Willies. In fact the Mayor of my village here in the mountains, Georgetown, worked there.
• 300 days of sun in Denver mean none of those crazy gray days found in Duluth. Skiing and golfing on the same day are quite easy to do in the dead of winter.
• If someone asks if you climbed a fourteener, don't be offended. They're not asking about some illegal activity. They want to know if you have hiked up a mountain with a summit higher than 14,000 feet.
• The front range is nothing like the range near Duluth, though the people may be of similar backgrounds. Lots of mining in the Front Range just like the iron range.
• The Border is not a place to cross into Mexico. Rather its a place where any underage DU student is admitted when they write the phrase "I'm 21" on their hand. Smokey as hell, its a place to be avoided.
• Every damn thing in Denver is named Cherry Creek. It offers no real geographical help to say "Cherry Creek" ...so don't pay attention.
• LoDo is place to party though every damn place in downtown Denver says they are in LoDo. LoDo should only be consider for restaurants and bars between 15th and 20th Streets and between Wazee and Market
• You can't order a Michelob Golden or Mich Golden Light in Colorado. They don't sell them out here. Instead stick to Coors Light if that's what you are looking for. Otherwise damn near every small mountain town has a microbrewery and the big cities have 3 or 4. Most are good, but you can never predict which will really hit the spot.
  

  Thoughts from Mark concerning the atmosphere of Minneapolis
  
  In general, MPLS does not offer the flavor or variety of activites that Sup-town presents to the late-night visitor. It is a more cultured metropolis, offering more sophisticated vices. Stay by campus and there is always good fun and little trouble. Head west down Washington, have a beer at each bar between Bully's and Sex World, and you will find yourself on the curb with your pockets emty at 4 AM by the time they kick you out of Rick's or the Vu. You guys make the big bucks and could even wander over to Shieks. Two pieces of advice........if there is a live band playing and they are using pyrotechnics, exit the premisis before the stage has been engulfed in flames........and if bullets start flying, duck. If things get out of hand, there is always Hudson just 40 minutes away........Art has some relatives there but does not keep in touch with them. mark

  Stories to remember from Rogan, just prior to March 2003 games.

  93/94 Season: The first trip, "Hey Boo, does anyone know how to get to Duluth?"
  - I met Boo's Dad, the only time I've ever met him. He sat in the chair that is a rocker by the door. - We walked across that bridge to get to the rink, and for some reason I ran ahead and looked back, waved my arm, and said "come on guys, this way." I've tried to replay that every year. - We took a taxi home (don't remeber the guys name, but seemed friendly) - I had a bad Nacho at the game, because I was sick later that night, and said to Tim "And you are here because......" - Tim tried to test the hollow leg theory, and ordered tacos, and we tried to get into burger king and mcdonalds at 12:30. - The infamous "Watch it fellas, the cops are pretty thick out tonight." - The Sunday morning egg bake, and I receive a bowl of cereal? Somehow, Marge thought I didn't like eggs. - If I close the door, then the light must be off. Damn, these crazy style light switches!

  94-95 Season - Post St. Olaf, jobs are weird, Lou drives up from Indiana - I try to meet some girls and accidently spill beer on them. Woops. - We went to Superior, or "Sup town." One of the few times we did that. Probably a good idea. - Tim becomes "The Midnight Filer" - Another Taxi ride home, seemed like a good guy.

  95-96 Season - Hardin and Stimeling join us. - I think this was the year the Loon guy retired. It was emotional. We were there. - We debate the merits or dismerits of paying college athletes over egg-bake. -At some point, Marge starts to think that the B-Dogs might win a game. Weird, huh?

  96-97,97-98 Seasons- Speeeeehar, Speeeeehar, Speeeehar SUCKS! It's hard not to get caught up in the crowd when they are that creative and clever - At some point, I realized the band doesn't play "There's no beer in heaven" anymore. The chancellor wouldn't let them. - While at the Blue Line club (love that place- the cozy cement walls, the tilted 1984 TV set with the rabbit ears) I comment on the depp red velvet table cloth. Tim straight-faced says " and it would make a really great cape." - I'm at med school, but still gotta have the egg-bake - One of these nights was regular time change, so we get 1 am twice (do we head to Sup town, no way!) - Can't forget, the AMAZING 25 cent taps at the Garden (did it start that way and then go to a dollar, either way, what a steal!) - Lou shows his power, as he matures to Long Islands (I couldn't do it) - Marge finds a "Go Gophers" placard on her lawn (right next to the small fire hydrant)

  99-00 Season -New millenium, same result - Gophers win -Marge wears a Gopher hat to show Lou she's a good sport -Lou and I AGAIN fail to win the game worn Bulldog jersey, but the softball team gets our donation -I have a bad Nacho at the game, and vomit later that night. This time, trying to avoid unnecesary publicity, I go outside, and choose to upchuck right next to the path at the bottom of the steps. Not very subtle. - GIGANTIC saturday night snowstorm. We "freshen things up" and instead of the Garden head to Grandmas the other place. We are in deep trouble at 1 am when there are no taxi's and we have to leave. The cop saves our butt and drives us home. That was a miracle.

  01-02 Season: We're in Colorado, can you believe it!!!! - Mark calls, says "Rogan, that was a big hot dog for such a little guy!" - Lou and I play chess, we split.

  2002 National Championships in St. Paul. A last second call to Kenny brings him to the game on an extended break from his work. Between semifinal games we pack into McGoverns bar. I'm sure the fire marshall wouldn't have approved of the situation had he/she known. Rogan joins us for a fabulous Gopher victory over the Michigan Wolverines. Friday brings us to the Frozen Fest. Overrated, but fun! Jordan Leopold is announced the Hobey Baker winner. One the way to the National Championship game we all debate what we would scalp our tickets for, though no offer really would have been good enough to watch the show the Gophers and Maine Black Bears put on. We head over to Bully's at 7 Corners and wedge our way into a spot with Craw and Mark.

  2002-2003: Its our first venture to Mariucci for the games. Friday night brings a bevy of action. Lou's plane is delayed in Denver due to a fuel leak. Lou arrives at the start of the 3rd period. Will call is no longer open and he nearly bribes the Mariucci security to get into the game. Fortunately, they understand the situation and let him pass. DU blows a 3-0 lead in the third period and the Gophs gain a tie. Saturday night brings an old tradition back, eating at "The Ten" before the game. 1/2 turkeys, crisscut fries, popcorn are the staples. Stime and Mark join us for the festivities.