Heenan Unveils His Family's New Tag Team Craftsmen
Tully Blanchard didn't like the looks of the reporter who came to interview him and partner Arn Anderson for WWF Magazine.
Pointing out a button missing on the scribe's shirt, Blanchard launched into a diatribe about the importance of appearance. "Look at Arn and me!" he screamed. "We are always imeccably groomed and expect the same of everyone fortunate enough to be graced by our company! And the last thing we do is talk to people with one button missing!"
On that note, Anderson--who previously had stared at the reporter in menacing silence--thrust a hairy arm foward and tore the remainer of the buttons off the scribe's shirt. "There," the wrestler cackled. "Now you don't have one button missing anymore."
As the WWF's latest tag team terrors, the Brain Busters, marched from the interview room, their manager Bobby "the Brain" Heenan grabbed the journalist's tape recorder and shouted gleefully into it, "There's your story, humanoid! The Brain Busters! Tully starts it! Arn finishes it! And I go to the bank!"
The Brain Busters, both of whom carry impressive grapling credentials, are evidence that Heenan plans to enlarge his family with the WWF's triple crown--the World, Intercontinental, and Tag Team Titles in one managerial stable--his ultimate goal.
"I discovered the Brain Busters," bragged the manager, whose family includes King Haku, Red Rooster, and Andre the Giant. "After watching them once, I was convinced that they were equipped to fulfill all the requirements necessary for Heenan family membership. Not everyone can be in the family. You have to be an aggressive, talented, knowledgeable wrestler--far above the average stiff. You know who I'm talking about. The guy wearing one white sock and one brown sock, and he has a matching pair at home. His wife's sitting on rented furniture in the living room with curlers in her hair--which won't make a darned bit of difference when sheremoves them. She goes into the kitchen to prepare a lukewarm TV dinner for the loser she's married to, turns on the tube, sees the Brain Busters, and knows they're everything her husband'll never be."
What distinguishes Blanchard and Anderson from other WWF newcomers hungry to climb the mountain to glory is the fact that neither has to wrestle for a living. "Recognition and ego," Heenan said. "Those are two of the factors motivating the Brain Busters. All the poor slobs in those arena seats nver get their 15 minutes of fame. We get it every single day."
The manager continued that, more than does any other team in the sport, Blanchard and Anderson use psychology as a primary weapon. "That's why they're called the Brain Busters. I know that the average humanoid would think that they have their name because they're good at breaking heads. Sure, that's a specialty of theirs, but there's much more to the Brain Busters than the average humanoid can figure out. Not only will Blanchard and Anderson damage your head, they'll twist your mind. You'll spend the time before a match worrying about them, and they'll baffle you in the ring. One way or another, they'll get to your cranium--physically or mentally. If you're lucky, they'll do it both ways and put you out of your misery."
While Heenan credits each partner with playing an equally important role on the team, Blanchard and Anderson both have specific responsibilities in the ring. "Either of them could wipe the foor with the so-called champions in the WWF," Heenan said. "But Tully and Arn have individual strong points. We've been smart enough to blend those strong points into a combination that is absolutely deadly."
Blanchard, the cockier of the two, "is the setup man," according to Heenan. "He usualy starts the match, toys with his foe, dazzles him with seed and generally confuses the jerk. Then, Tully tags off to Arn--the stopper."
The methodical Anderson "handles an opponent like a big cat working on a canary," the manager continued. "He overwhelms the bird and plucks its feathers off."
Neither Blanchard or Anderson is fond of obediently standing on the ring apron while the other is performing his task between the ropes. The Brain Busters are masters at double-teaming--a reality Heenan does not bother denying.
"Hey, you look at who's made it in this sport, and it's not guys who've followed every rule to the letter. It's the ones with the brains to make the rules work for them, bending them without getting disqualified. Yeah, you'll see Tully and Arn in the ring at the same time. So what? You have a count of five to get out before you're diqualified, and the Brain Busters use those four and a half seconds. In fact, I'll say they can do more damage in four and a half seconds than any other team in the history of wrestling--and I'm talking back to the days of the ancient Greeks. If you don't believe me, sign on the bottom line."
One squad that recently took Heenan up on his offer--only to regret it later--was the youthful tandem of Tommy Angel and Bob Emery. The duo stood back unimpressed before the bout, when Heenan grabbed the ring microphone and declared that the Brain Busters would make his family bigger and tougher." But their cynicism could not prevent Angel and Emery from falling prey to Blanchard and Anderson's patented tactics.
Angel was in the ring first, with "the starter," Blanchard. The two locked up collar-to-elbow and, twice, Blanchard backed his opponent to the ropes and broke clean. The third time, however, Blanchard broke and followed with a stinging slap across his adversary's face. Steamed by the humiliation, Angel began chasing the smirking Blanchard in the ring and, then, around ringside. When Tully rolled under the ropes back into the ring, he quickly tagged Anderson while continuing to flee. With Blanchard the only thing on his mind, Angel was painfully shocked when Anderson came behind him in center ring and delivered a clothesline to the back of the head.
Anderson did not stay in the ring long enough for his foe to consider mounting a defense. He brutally choked Angel, ran him into the corner--or more precisely, Blanchard's knee--and tagged out.
Blanchard's time between the ropes was also short. He staggered Angel with a dropkick, then whipped him into the ropes and tagged Anderson with almost the same motion. Angel bounced off the ropes to suffer a double shoulderblock from the Brain Busters.
Emery did no beter, falling victim to his opponents' quick-tag brutality in near-record time. After being Irish-whipped by the burly Anderson, the shocked grappler was caught in a bearhug and slammed hard to the mat. Blanchard came in to inflict the final torture--a mere formality, considering the fact that Arn had rendered the foe immobile. As the crowd jeered loudly, Emery was finished off with the slingshot suplex--lifted into the air, suplexed against the top rope and then, in the opposite direction, onto the mat--and pinned.
The display was a testament of the Heenan family's power--and a warning to reporters to keep a needle thread and extra buttons next to the tape recorder and note pad.
