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It felt nice to have a whole room to myself. I hadn't had my own room since high school, when I lived at home with my parents. I had become more or less accustomed to having a roommate. Having to coordinate schedules, trying to give each other privacy, keeping track of what belonged to whom; it was all such a drag. But now that I had thoroughly freaked out my roommate with one of my screaming dreams, the room was my personal bachelor pad. He had spent the last few nights sleeping at Cindy's love shack, deciding that sleeping on her floor was better than sleeping above a raving lunatic.
The pills helped me fall asleep faster, and prolonged the peace before the storm. But when the storm finally arrived, it came in full force, bringing the atmosphere down on me. The lasting effects of the dreams were also worsening. I spent much time the previous day nursing my arm, after dreaming that it had been torn asunder. The campus infirmary said that there was nothing wrong with it. My therapist walked me through a few mental exercises, and that helped a bit. Eventually the pain subsided, but I was still frightened that damage to my body in a dream could result in true physical harm.
I sat at my desk, staring down at my notebook. In it, I had written down a list of tasks that I needed to complete. First on the list was laundry. I looked over at the pile of clean clothes that I had just brought up from the laundry room. Check. Next on the list was management homework. Bummer. I pulled my textbook out from the stack of books that sat atop my computer monitor. I kicked off my slippers and plopped down on my bed, bouncing on the springs and flimsy mattress, until I settled into place. I cracked open the tome, and the smell of freshly printed pages filled my nostrils. I flipped ahead to the chapter that I needed to read, and began the arduous task.
After about half an hour of reading, the words became more difficult to decipher. I would scan across a line of text, and about halfway across the page, my eyes would lose focus. I would bring my eyes back together, and continue to read. A few minutes later, I was startled as the book smacked me in the face. I had lost control of my arms and dropped the book on top of me. I set the book down at my side and rolled onto my chest. I had to keep myself awake. I needed to get on with my life, and getting through the homework was the first step. I continued reading, only to slowly close my eyes as I stared at the distant words. When my eyes reopened, the words were much closer, my chin resting on the book. I got up and shook my head back and forth, trying to shake out the sleepiness. I needed to do something to keep myself awake. I got up and walked over to the computer. Surely the machine could keep me entertained. I opened up my online chat program, and began searching through the chat rooms. I was hoping to find something interesting, but most of the rooms seemed dedicated to lesbian sex. Bleh.
Finally I found one that was somewhat interesting. The room was titled “Sleepless,” moderated by Lav3nd3r. What the hell, I thought, why not check it out? Maybe I can swap tips on staying awake with my fellow insomniacs. I set my chat nickname to AllNiter, pressed the button to join the channel, and after a moment I was among the restless.
AllNiter: Hey, anyone awake?
Denominator: always
Murky1: we never sleep
It looked as though I had come to the right place. I hoped that if I could get my mind into an active state, staying awake to read would be no problem.
Denominator: r u havin probs sleepin AllNiter? AllNiter: I guess you could say that Murky1: sleep is over rated IMHO Denominator: yup AllNiter: I’ve been having really bad nightmares Lav3nd3r: hello AllNiter, what seems to be the problem? AllNiter: These dreams are really vivid; they feel just like real life Murky1: I have dreams like that sometimes, not too often though Denominator: yes everybody does AllNiter: But I have these dreams every night, multiple times Murky1: the same dream over and over? AllNiter: Not really, sometimes it will be like part 2 of the dream later on AllNiter: but mostly I have multiple nightmares in the same night Lav3nd3r: what are the dreams about? Denominator: dat’s gotta suck AllNiter: mostly about death, or at least pain AllNiter: and they never make sense Murky1: woah Lav3nd3r: can you describe them? AllNiter: well one time I dreamed that something was pulling me into the water AllNiter: and I ended up drowning Murky1: what was pulling you? AllNiter: and a fish ate me AllNiter: I’m not sure, I couldn’t tell Lav3nd3r: That’s very strange Lav3nd3r: usually dreams like that are caused by feeling guilty over something AllNiter: I don’t have anything to be guilty over, though Lav3nd3r: what else did you dream? AllNiter: I had a dream last night that I was a dog Murky1: ::sings who let the dogs out:: AllNiter: and some homeless man had me for dinner Murky1: woof woof Denominator: ouch Murky1: ewwwwwww Lav3nd3r: there’s definitely something repressed in you Lav3nd3r: trying to escape Murky1: you should see a shrink dude AllNiter: I am, he isn’t helping AllNiter: he gave me some pills though Denominator: sweet, I’ll take some Lav3nd3r: are the pills helping? AllNiter: Not really, they just put me out faster Lav3nd3r: that’s too bad
There was something odd going on. Aside from the fact that I was talking to some strange people. Somehow, talking to these total strangers over this faceless medium was helping me stay awake and focused. After about an hour of chat, I signed off, hoping to do some reading. As I flipped through the pages, absorbing what information I could, I thought how funny it was that these management types seem to break the world down into supply and demand, give and take. I was dressed in a business suit, talking to some likewise dressed gentlemen. We were in some place of business, carrying our attachés, sipping our cappuccinos. One of the men mentioned something about tech stocks. We had a good chuckle.
As I raised my hot drink to my mouth, my eyes drifted upward and glanced out the window. Outside, two men were running past. The double doors of the main entrance suddenly crashed open. All of the people in the large lobby turned to face the two men as they entered. The first man was pudgy, and dressed in a heavy overcoat. The other sported a dark leather jacket. The second man was carrying some manner of gym bag, from which he pulled a gun. Good heavens! A holdup! A guard standing off to the side drew his handgun. Before he could raise it into a firing position, the armed man pulled his trigger, letting lose a swift bullet. The guard slumped to the floor. Blood splashed onto the wall. One of the men standing next to me dropped his drink.
The man in the overcoat opened up his coat, and pulled out some oddly shaped object. I noticed that under the coat, he was wearing some sort of straps all around his body. Attached to the straps were several small, red cylinders. Some sort of explosive? I hoped that I was not in danger. The man in the black jacket shouted something, but I was so frightened that I couldn’t understand. Then someone off to the side thrust his hand into his pants pocket, drawing his own weapon. Was I the only one here who wasn’t armed? The human bomb turned toward the new gunner, holding out the object in his hand, as if to scare him. I saw a flash of light from the new gunner’s weapon, and the bomber jerked violently, dropping the object from his hand and bringing both hands up to his chest. The object that he had been holding dropped to the floor and bounced once. The entire room lit up in a brilliant flash of illumination. The glass windows shattered, and shards of glass cascaded toward the outside world. Where the bomber had been standing, a fireball appeared and spread around the room. I screamed in the searing heat, as the explosion knocked me backward into a teller window. I was a skeleton, my flesh having been burned off of my body.
I lifted myself off of my bed, setting my textbook aside. I was hyperventilating. I raised my hands to my temples, trying to get a grip on myself. Once my breathing returned to normal, I looked back toward my bed. My textbook lay upon the pillow, the pages shredded. “No way!” I shouted, leaning in close to survey the damage. Sure enough, the book was pretty much ruined. How had I torn up the pages in my sleep? How was I going to replace the damned book before class?
I went back to the computer, and decided to email my friends to see if any of them had a copy of the book that I could borrow for the night. After I sent the message, I decided that I might as well jump back onto the chat room and see what the insomniacs were up to. The room was empty, except for Lavender.
AllNiter: still here? Lav3nd3r: hehe I’m always here AllNiter: I just had another nightmare Lav3nd3r: what was it about this time? AllNiter: it was sort of like one that I had before Lav3nd3r: which one? AllNiter: the bank robbery explosion one Lav3nd3r: what was different about it? AllNiter: this time I was one of the bank customers, a businessman AllNiter: I watched myself getting shot and setting off the bomb Lav3nd3r: that’s so strange, I’ve never heard of a role change AllNiter: What do you mean? Lav3nd3r: I mean, taking a different part in the story AllNiter: Is that weird? Lav3nd3r: I’d say so Lav3nd3r: are you sure there’s nothing going on that you need to talk about? Lav3nd3r: talking to a complete stranger might help, ya know ;) AllNiter: well, I can’t really think of anything Lav3nd3r: tell me about yourself
So I spent the next half an hour filling in this total stranger about my life, basically typing out the same things that I had told my therapist. Then I mentioned my friend who had gone away, which seemed to arouse some interest.
Lav3nd3r: if you could go visit her tomorrow, would you? AllNiter: if I didn’t have classes, or homework, and a free ticket, sure I would Lav3nd3r: She must mean a lot to you if you can just drop everything and take off AllNiter: she was a good friend Lav3nd3r: Want to come visit me? AllNiter: huh?
I was a bit taken aback by her question/suggestion. I had heard the stories about people being raped and murdered by strangers that they met on the ‘Net, and I wasn’t about to become a statistic. Plus, I didn’t know anything about this person.
Lav3nd3r: I promise I won’t bite ;) AllNiter: well, I don’t know Lav3nd3r: Oh come on, it’ll be fun! :) Lav3nd3r: give a girl a chance!
I thought about it a bit, and decided that the way things were going, I might go insane before I ever had a chance to go on another date. So I figured, what the hell? Why not give it a try.
AllNiter: where are you from? Lav3nd3r: Chicago originally AllNiter: and where do you live now? Lav3nd3r: Buffalo AllNiter: really? Cool, I go to college in Rochester Lav3nd3r: want to come out this weekend?
Now it was getting a bit too close for comfort. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this. Meeting a total stranger online was a bit scary, especially with a date proposal attached. She almost seemed to read my mind.
Lav3nd3r: Don’t worry about it, like I said, I wouldn’t bite Lav3nd3r: we’ll stick to public places Lav3nd3r: take the bus over in the morning; I’ll meet you at the station Lav3nd3r: well have lunch, and if you want I’ll show you the sights Lav3nd3r: (if I’m not enough of a sight for you) AllNiter: hehe Lav3nd3r: so, are you game? AllNiter: I suppose so Lav3nd3r: you only suppose? You aren’t thrilled? AllNiter: we’ll see...
It was Monday night; the weekend was a while off. I’d have plenty of time to get ready for it. The dinging sound of my email checker alerted me that one of my friends did indeed have a management textbook, so I was back in business. I spent the rest of the night pumped up on coffee, reading case studies.
Tuesday morning found me jittery and anxious to get the day over with. Hopefully the professor wouldn’t call on me to discuss the homework, as I would probably be too incoherent to answer. I took a refreshing shower, and dug through my closet, looking for a needed item. After a few minutes of searching I had found my prize: an insulated coffee mug, complete with a lid to prevent it from spilling all over me. I packed up my books and headed down to the dining hall. There were a lot of people there that morning, as though everyone had some something that they needed to be up early for. There was probably a test in a big freshman intro course. I stuffed myself with carbohydrates, planning to keep myself energized. On my way out, I stopped at the coffee machine and filled my cup. There was no way that I was going to let sleep deprivation get the better of me.
I made my way to class and found a good, comfortable seat. I put my feet up on the vacant chair in front of me, twisted the lid on my mug to open the pouring lip, and took a swig of hot caffeinated goodness. The professor must have been in a benevolent mood, as he didn’t drag me into the discussion. I was more than happy to keep my mouth shut, only occasionally opening it to add a bit more java into my system. The class ended, and I quickly got up to leave.
Outside of the lecture hall, the warm midday sun cast its warm rays down on my face. My stomach began to gurgle, alerting me that it was time to hit the restrooms. I turned around and dodged through the wake of my classmates leaving the building, then ran down the hall to the potty. After taking care of business, I walked over to the sink and washed my hands. The dispensed hand soap smelled of lavender, reminding me of my date for the weekend. I looked up at the mirror, and was greeted by a disgusting sight. The bags under the bags under my eyes were looking rather dark. I would have to find some way to get some rest before the weekend. Or perhaps the girl would understand my disfigurement and not hold it against me.
When I returned to my dorm room, I felt as though I was coming off of my fifth wind. I was absolutely exhausted, and ready to hit the sack. I kicked off my shoes and flopped down onto my bed. Two minutes later, I awoke in a panic, looking around frantically, trying to figure out where I was. The dreams were becoming more realistic with each dose. But I had to sleep; I had to rest. I opened up my bottle of sleeping pills and took a dose. I lay back down, falling into the pillow. I slept peacefully for all of fifteen minutes.
I didn’t know what to do anymore. I positively couldn’t continue living like this. I jumped up to my dresser and took my pill bottle in my hand. I wanted the dreams to stop, even if it killed me! I opened the bottle, grabbed a handful of pills, and crammed them into my mouth. I lay back down, hoping for either relaxing sleep, or death. I didn’t receive either.
I managed to sleep with a blank mind for about an hour, at which point I rolled off my bed and vomited on my floor. I grabbed a spare towel and walked down to the floor bathroom to get it wet, then came back and cleaned up the mess that I had made. At least I was still alive, I thought. The room smelled pretty bad for a while.
I decided that some friendly conversation might help matters, so I logged back onto the chat room. Lavender was there, as usual. Today NeetPhreak247, who was having a nervous breakdown before a big company presentation, joined us. We spent some time reassuring him that things would turn out all right, and after a while he left us to our own devices.
Lav3nd3r: so how is your day going? AllNiter: not too good, I lost my lunch a while ago Lav3nd3r: yucky AllNiter: yeah, I took too many pills Lav3nd3r: hehe, did you forget how to count? AllNiter: nope, just overreacted to a dream Lav3nd3r: ah I understand AllNiter: so what are you doing today? Lav3nd3r: I’m just looking at some web pages AllNiter: anything interesting? Lav3nd3r: yeah, you might say that AllNiter: what are they about? Lav3nd3r: psionics AllNiter: say what? Lav3nd3r: the manifestation of the binding energies of life AllNiter: ah that’s so much clearer… :\ Lav3nd3r: it’s kind of difficult to explain Lav3nd3r: things like psychic phenomenon AllNiter: hehe, well I’ll take your word for it Lav3nd3r: will you send me your picture? AllNiter: I don’t have a scanner Lav3nd3r: no, in the mail silly J AllNiter: you want a real picture? Lav3nd3r: yes, definitely, don’t want to lose quality in the scanning AllNiter: ok, let me find one AllNiter: I have one, but it’s kind of old, and not very good Lav3nd3r: doesn’t matter, send it anyway AllNiter: ok...
She gave me her address, and I looked through my desk drawers to find an envelope. Then I realized that the envelope would be too flimsy to protect the photo, and that I would need something stiff. So I took a walk down to the bookstore, which was conveniently next to the post office. I purchased a thick, durable photo mailing envelope and postage, and sent it off into the unknown. I then headed back to my dorm, attempting to sleep one more time.
The next morning, I awoke at sunrise, feeling completely refreshed and ready to rock. I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that I made it through the night with no nightmares. Classes went smoothly, I even saw Cindy in my chemistry class. She sounded like she was getting bored of her new roommate. I grinned inside, thinking that she was getting what she deserved.
I returned home, watched some television, checked my email, flew through my homework, watched some more television, checked my email, and then went to sleep. I awoke a few minutes later, sitting up too quickly and hitting my head on the upper bunk bed. I rubbed my sore noggin, and moved over to the computer. Sure enough, Lav3nd3r was online. Did she ever disconnect? Probably not, I thought to myself. We chatted for a while, then I went back to sleep, and actually managed to keep my mind free from the nasty dreams. Then next day I got up, signed on, and thanked Lav3nd3r, as her influence seemed to be helping me sleep better.
The next day passed like any normal day. Classes, lunch, more classes. Vegetate in front of the TV, do homework, crash for the night. I kept my fingers crossed as I drifted off into slumber, hoping for pleasant dreams. Instead I was haunted by visions of my family being slaughtered by a pack of rabid wolves. I got up, nearly weeping from the sorrow, and sat down in front of the computer. I was losing my marbles. I joined the chat, and Lav3nd3r was the only one there to greet me. Before I even said anything, she began comforting me.
Lav3nd3r: It’ll be ok Rich, just calm down. Lav3nd3r: try to take deep, slow breaths. Lav3nd3r: you’ll be all right
I was a bit surprised, as I hadn’t yet said anything. Did she know me so well that she could just assume that I had been having nightmares?
AllNiter: I’m ok Lav3nd3r: Good, I’m so sorry about the dream AllNiter: it was horrible Lav3nd3r: I’m sure they’re ok AllNiter: who? Lav3nd3r: your family, I’m sure they’re just fine
I stood staring at the screen, my jaw hanging wide open. How could she have known what I had been dreaming? This was too strange for me.
Lav3nd3r: take it easy AllNiter: wait a minute here Lav3nd3r: everything is going to be ok AllNiter: how did you know? Lav3nd3r: I’m with you AllNiter: with me? what do you mean? Lav3nd3r: I’m right here with you
I walked away from the computer, toward my bed, shaking my head. I had no clue what was happening. All that I knew was that this girl was freaking me out. Now I knew how my roommate felt. I walked back to the screen to find a new message:
Lav3nd3r: I’m sorry to confuse you so much AllNiter: what the hell is going on? How did you know? Lav3nd3r: you’d better sit down first
How did she know that I was standing up? Was she watching me with some kind of hidden camera? I began frantically looking around the room for anything out of the ordinary, but couldn’t find anything. The only other place that my room was visible from was outside, and as there were no buildings on that side of my dorm, the only place for someone with a camera to be hiding would be on the ground. I looked out the window, but the surrounding grass was empty. I turned back to the computer.
Lav3nd3r: hehe, not out there, silly! :)
"What the fuck!?!" I shouted. “What’s going on, here?”
Lav3nd3r: settle down! You’ll wake up the neighbors!
“How are you doing this?” I yelled.
Lav3nd3r: I told you, I’m there with you
“How?!?!” I demanded.
Lav3nd3r: I would tell you, but I’m not sure you’ll understand. AllNiter: try me Lav3nd3r: remember the picture you sent me? AllNiter: of course, it cost a pretty penny to get that sent Lav3nd3r: (I’ll pay you back, cheap bastige :p) Lav3nd3r: you touched it before sending it AllNiter: of course Lav3nd3r: well, you left some of your personal energy residue on it AllNiter: what? Lav3nd3r: your body’s psychic energy AllNiter: psychic energy? Lav3nd3r: is there an echo in here? Lav3nd3r: now that I know your energy, I can find you anywhere
I stood up, shocked at what I was reading. “So you can hear me?” I whispered.
Lav3nd3r: of course I can
I looked around nervously. “And, you can see me?”
Lav3nd3r: plain as day AllNiter: how many fingers? Lav3nd3r: three
Holy Christ. I was amazed beyond belief, and also somewhat amused. I wondered how long she had been watching me, and if it was really true. Maybe she was just guessing really well. Maybe it was all just a huge coincidence.
AllNiter: how much change do I have in my pocket? Lav3nd3r: I can’t tell AllNiter: so you really don’t know everything, then? Lav3nd3r: I can only see and hear what’s going on in general Lav3nd3r: I can’t see through your clothes AllNiter: that’s a relief Lav3nd3r: and no, I haven’t been peeking, pervert! :p
The conversation then turned back to my sleep pattern. She gave me a few instructions on how to do a mind-altering exercise. She said that it would allow me to sleep better. Since I was still marveling at her psychic ability, I figured that I might as well try it. I went through the steps, and at the end I zonked out, just as she had said that I would. I slept like a log that night.
The next day, Friday, we made our plans for the weekend. I would take the bus to Buffalo; she would meet me at the station. We would eat lunch at the diner, play a few games in the arcade, and then take a city transit bus around to do some sightseeing. When Saturday morning finally rolled around, I called a taxi to pick me up in front of my dorm. During the ride to the bus station, my mind raced, thinking of what lay in store for me. What would Lavender be like? If only I could sneak a glimpse of her, as she had done to me. Was she watching me right now? I arrived at the bus station, purchased a ticket, and sat in the lobby waiting for my chariot to board.