October 26,2001
I miss my family so much.............my dad, my mom, my two younger sisters. And my grandma. My dear dear dear grandma.
Especially, when I feel stressed out in doing job hunting here in the States, I keep questioning why I have to stay here.
No one tells me what I should do, so it's my choice to stay here.
But why do I insist? In Taiwan, my beloved families are there.
I always wake up in the middle of the night for unknown reasons. Maybe I dream of them, or just maybe it's cold here. And sometimes I wake up with my tears running. I must have dreamed of them I think.
It's a difficult decision. To stay or to leave. Never had such a dilemma like this.
I want to be with my family all the time. Nothing is much more cherish than them. Grandma is almost 80 years old, and I know some day she will just vanish. What if it happens when I am here in distant US? I dare not think more...... And I feel so so sorry when mom was in hospital because of cancer. I couldn't do anything. I am the eldest child in the family.
Where is my destination? Sometimes I just feel too tired to think. I am 26 years old, and I have no job.