Is This Thing On?

January 9, 1999

By Morgan Carlson

"Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated."

Right now, on the Family Feud, the survey question is: "what is something you want when you get home from work?" It is a sure sign of my lack of sleep that I will be shocked when the answer "blowjob" doesn't make the big board.

Well, kids, I'm here on winter session, taking a perfectly meaningless history course in the hopes of graduating within two or so years of my intended date of May 2000. Looks like I'll be at Hofstra all summer, making up for lost time. If anyone can suggest some alternatives to a summer of credit acquisition and watching game show reruns, please, send me your ideas. Even Richard Dawson can't combat the ennui created by a four-hour daily dose of East Indonesian geography class.

Professor: "And here's a mountain. And a lake. Oh, look, another mountain. They probably have names. Your homework is to not bother me and just take your damn three credits and leave."
Student: "Uh, dude, are you drunk?"
Professor: "True. There, I just aced a fucking true-false quiz. I get an 'A', you over-dressed, suburb-loving, Long Island private school punk-ass bitch."
Student: (Taking notes.) "Uh, what did you say after 'suburb-loving,' sir?"

Well, anyhow, I'm just seeing who's alive. Time for me to take a nap or two. Take care.

- Morgan -

©1999, Morgan Carlson