March 14, 1999
By Morgan Carlson
| Things That Make Me Laugh March 14, 1999 By Morgan Carlson |
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Considering the overall depressing content matter of my last three or four group letters, I figured I'd lighten the mood by listing some things that have made me chuckle over the last few weeks. The following items I find extremely humourous: (British spelling, as a salute to Matt.) - The LA Clippers. They're - tehnically - a basketball team. Hey Tony and Ian, remember when you, Matt, Misa and I were a basketball team in gym class? If we reformed and took on the Clippers, we'd stand a fighting chance. There are guys washing the Knicks' laundry that would be in the Clippers starting lineup. "Jones passes..... Williams passes..... they're all too scared to shoot! And Rogers is at the wrong end of the court!" "The Jazz have promised to only use three players in the next half to 'make a game out of it.'" "So, Bill, whom do you prefer - the Clippers' washed-up veterans, or hapless rookies?" "The rookies. They put their uniforms on wrong. He he." - Pauly Shore is probably rich. Or at least comfortably retired. - Somebody, over the course of their life, has gotten oral sex from P.J. Harvey. I don't know why, but that cracks me up. It's even funnier to know that somebody has had intercourse with any member of Public Enemy, even Flava Flav or Terminator X. Chuck D has 'Brought the Noise' in bed. He he. I wonder if ever told a girl to "Welcome to the Terrordome." And you wonder where artists get their song titles from. - Coca-Cola is legal. That shit is comparable to Iraqi chemical weaponry, and you can buy it at the store. - People still think that people still think that wrestling is real. Wrestling fans have accepted that wrestling is "sports entertainment" for quite some time now. Even Cletus, back in his deep Southern tool shed, knows that Owen Hart couldn't suplex D'Lo Brown without a little stunting and trickery. "Waaaaaaait a minute. The wrestlers ALWAYS roll away from a turnbuckle splash at the last second! And the referee NEVER sees the foreign object in the ring! You know, this looks a little suspicious!" - Claire Danes, resident Hollywood drug-smuggling Nazi whore, is starring in some lame-ass 'Mod Squad' movie. Apparently, there was at least one campy seventies show that hasn't been made into an overdone film. It'll probably be updated with a nineties twist - I can see the script now:
(Phew. I hadn't had an installment of my running Claire Danes joke for some time. It's good to be back. And I'm STILL due for a "my obsession with Sarah Mclachlan" gag some time soon.) - Matt's in England. He has probably used the word "loo" for REAL. - The Wu-Tang Clan are professed PlayStation fans. I want to see Method
Man and U-God fighting each other in Tekken.
- My new lifelong dream is to play Magic: The Gathering with Sarah Mclachlan. It'd be so cute, seeing her playing with her green and white deck. Nature and healing, that's her style. And then I'd laugh, as my mighty Demonic Hordes gobble up her Scryb Sprites and Benalish Heros. But I'd feel bad, you know, 'cause it's Sarah and all. She'd be upset, but wouldn't show it - she's a little trooper. So I'd pretend I "never saw" my Mind Twist card, while she built up an army. And I'd "forget" to use my Ray of Death on her Force of Nature. I'd make it close, but I'd let her win. Her joy would be victory enough for me. And then I'd rush her out of the hobby store, before the fat guys started hitting on her. "You know honey, you got a nice ass for a Canadian." Ahhhh, that's better. Toodles. - Morgan - |
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©1999, Morgan Carlson |
ecent.