March 13, 1999

By Morgan Carlson

Well, folks, I am now officially having a mid-life crisis. At age 20. Weird, huh?

I'm feeling rather old these days. For instance, examine the following symptoms:

- I now loathe any music made after 1993. Except, of course, for bands that I liked before 1993 that continue to make records. I especially dislike pale imitations of bands that I enjoy. (I even prefer New Kids on the Block to the Backstreet Boys, quoting that: "they're the originators. They really BELIEVED in the music.")

- I hate people younger than me, especially if they're successful. Then again, I hate everyone.

- I miss those halcyon days of DOS and Windows 3.1 - with or without NT Plus and QBasic.

- I understand that the PlayStation and Nintendo 64 are fine systems, but they weren't like the REAL 8-bit Nintendo. That had a library of classics. Games these days are SO commercial.

(That's my favorite 'jaded youth' expression: "now it's SO commercial." Earth to indie nerd - anything sold for monetary gain is commercial. Your anti-establishment heros may not be on MTV, but if they charged you money for their record, they're 'commercial.' I hope to the heavens that my children don't grow up to become the type that sit around coffee tables, smoking and making fun of pop groups. Please, sperm, don't let me down!)

He he.... right now on the Jeapordy Teen Tournament, a fat guy and a fat girl are competing against a dork. Man, if only I was chunkier, so that I might win money with my trivia knowledge.

It's hard to write something coherent these days.... this whole Sierra thing has got me pretty down. You never realize how politcally worthless you are until a large corporation squashes your dreams, and laughs all the way to the bank. I could become the best writer on Earth, but I'd still end up answering to some sleazeball in a sharp suit and a BMW.

Hence, my crisis.

Oh well. There's only one thing left to do. Become a terrorist. Think of it.... the danger.... the excitement.... the fast women. And if a girl gets too clingy, you can just blow her up.

"Want to meet my parents, eh? Check your mailbox for a little surprise!!! Ha ha ha ha!!!!!!"

I'll bring down the world, one corporation at a time. I think we'd all sleep better knowing that Bill Gates was strapped to an explosive in an abandoned warehouse.

©1999, Morgan Carlson