Spreading Anger And Resentment

April 17, 1997

By Morgan Carlson

Well, I now have officially made some enemies on the Internet.
Following my brutal but friendly victory in the lands of the Anti-Fiona
Apple Homepage, the webmaster conceded to me on most of our issues and
recommended that I become Fiona's personal spin doctor. Victory was
sweet, but I'm not sure if I'm up for the job:

Fiona: "I'd just like to say that I hate all minorities.... but that may
be the heroin talking."
Crowd: "WHAT?!?!?"
Me: "She said, 'I love minorities, especially my heroine Maya Angelou.'"
Crowd: "We love you, Fiona!"
Fiona: "Shut up, fags."

Alright, so Fiona isn't THAT bad. But still, I prefer the low-profile
career of Internet debating.
I had tasted blood, and I yearned for more. Next on my hit-list - the
I Hate Bush Homepage. I know what you're thinking - "Morgan, you hate
Bush, too. What gives? Have you turned to the dark side?"
It goes like this - I DISLIKE their music, but I don't HATE Bush. Hate
is a deep, personal emotion.... and frankly, I have very few of those for
Gavin and.... um... the other guys in the band. So I figured I'd use my
sharpened talons on the weak - and no doubt teenage - prey of Bush-haters
therein.
And boy, are these guys defensive of their right to hate Bush. A few
comments of mine along the lines of "you know guys, maybe you should
just concern yourself with music you ENJOY and go outside for a while"
and these guys were all over me. About five of them moved on me for the
kill.... and allies were nowhere to be seen. My one-on-one strategies
which had served me so well in Fiona land would we useless.... there was
only one thing left to do. Yup, as the Carlson family motto goes: "Win
if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."
It's too early to give the results of our feud... although I've scored
some serious points against a guy named "Mr. Moo", and they really get
pissed off when I correct their spelling mistakes.
All of this begs the question.... why do kids our age enjoy tormenting
others for their taste in music? Is it their twisted way of trying to
convert people to their musical tastes, or is it pure malice? Hmmm...
send in your opinions, kids. This is one of my favorite sociological
things to study.... I'd like your feedback.
- Morgan -

ecent.