My Day Off

April 9, 1997

By Morgan Carlson

Thanks to Hofstra's bizarre use of 'conversion days' and my lazy
communications professor, all of my classes today were cancelled. Since
homework is out of the question (c'mon, I did homework LAST semester) and
I didn't have any pressing social occasions (except for Morgan Time - um,
better not explore that concept too closely), I had a whole day to
enjoy. I'm young, at college, and surrounded by friends! The world was
my oyster!!!
So I played video games. I know what you're thinking:
"Sheesh, what a nerd. Playing video games. Why don't you go out and
meet girls, or something?"
In my defense, I thought about girls while I played. And I was
listening to Bjork, and she's a girl. So it was pretty close to
girl-chasing. I didn't get Bjork's number, per se, but she lives in
Iceland anyway, and those international calls are a bitch on my phone
account.
Mom - "Um, Morgan, you spent $365.97 on a seven second phone call to
Phil from Antartica?"
Me - "Woops."
Mom - "Who has a phone in Antartica?"
Me - "Phil. Duh."
But my day wasn't all video games and Icelandic pop princesses. I ate,
too. Twice.
Me - "I think I want a ham sandwich."
Lady - "You want that on a roll, honey."
Me - "Um, why are you in my room?"
Lady - "PICKLES?! CHIPS?!"
Me - "Yo, cafeteria lady, since you're here, wanna play Nintendo?"
Lady - "Do you have StarFox?"
(In case you're wondering, the Pickles/Chips Lady couldn't get past
Sector X. She yells at the TV, too - but I'm not surprised.)
And, of course, I watched Conan O'Brien in the off chance of seeing
Carrie "Audience Participation" Barrett doing her thing on national
television. (Her second TV appearance following her stint as Drunken
Virginian #2 on Cops.) And although she wan't shown, Pimpbot 5000 made
it worth your viewing time.
And now I'm sending E-mail. Man, what a WORTHLESS day. My life
sucks. Goodbye.
- Morgan -

ecent.