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March 30, 1997

By Morgan Carlson

Well, considering the fact that it's three in the morning and I'm
hepped up on caffeine and Starbursts (add some beer and you've got the
three major college food groups), I can't really handle an organized
E-mail right now. So here's some random crap that's on my mind.

- Did you know that lubricants have their own special subdirectory in
the Yahoo internet search engine? Try it! It seems only natural - who
hasn't been web surfing, when suddenly they have a need for some K-Y
jelly?
"Hmmm.... this is a great site about Western Literature. Now what
would top this off? Hmmm.... how about some anal sex? Oh... drat.... no
lubricant....."
Now you're probably thinking - "Um, Morgan, how did you find this
out?" To which I reply - stop asking so many questions, nosy.

- In my continuing quest to examine bizarre Hofstra behavior, I'm going
to look at the phenomenon of the Cafeteria Stare. This occurs when the
cafeteria worker is getting a student's food, and the student watches the
worker's every move in a hawk-like fashion. The student will contort
their body in every which way, just to make sure they can oversee the
food-gathering operation in its entirety. This phenomenon is also known
as the Sandwich Stare or Condiment Ogle.

- You know what's scary - there are more midget pornography sites than
there are anti-racism sites on the web. Nothing against midget
pornography, mind you, but there's still something funny going on.
(Actual site headline - "Beautiful Tramp Midgets Get Sodomized By Their
Fathers! Some Freaky Shit!") Then again, maybe a dwarf in a garter belt
throwing pudding at a dominatrix is doing more for racial unity than we
know.

- I was gonna write something here about Generation Xers, but that whole
midget sodomy thing is fucking with my mind. Yikes.

- Morgan -

ecent.