Hey, Who Broke My Spring?

March 17, 1997

By Morgan Carlson

Before I ramble on, there's this cool website at www.keirsey.com where
you can take a bunch of funky personality tests. Remember that test
where you were described with four letters? I'm an INTJ - which this
site labels as 'Mastermind.' We Masterminds are less then one
percent of the population. Kick-ass. (Although that's probably 'cause
we reproduce less due to the fact that no one will sleep with our
conniving asses.) Cool site, though - love, attitude - it's all there and
then some.
So, in the interests of manipulating you in my Masterminding fashion,
here's some propaganda disguised as a friendly letter.
I've come to the conclusion that Connecticut is NOT the place to spend
Spring Break. Here are two reasons:
1) Snow.
2) Wind.
Both of these things also involve coldness, another MORGAN IS GOD
negative aspect on one's Spring Break. I'm pretty sure all of those
eighties Spring Break movies would have been far less successful had they
taken place in Connecticut.
Beach Babe - "Hey, wanna swill beer and have cheap sex?"
Frat Guy - "Can't. Gotta shovel the driveway."
Frat Guy 2 - "Dude, the chicks in bikinis just froze to death on the
lawn. And there's ice chunks in my beer."
Beach Babe - "I thought Connecticut was 'The Sunshine State?"
Frat Guy - "That's Florida."
Beach Babe - "Wait, Florida is a state?"
Don't get me wrong, Connecticut is my home. But West Hartford isn't
much of a party town, and being home alone for half of the Break was
rather crippling my fun-having abilities. I couldn't even watch TV;
between MTV, the NCAA tournament, and the news, everyone was talking
about Spring Break. And without my trusty computer.... sigh.
But imagine me on Spring Break anyway. My pale Irish little body,
straggling along the beach in Cancun in a less-than-fashionable baggy-ass
bathing suit. I'd be the only guy on the beach with a laptop computer
and Coke instead of beer. My native Cancun nickname would be Naju,
meaning 'Woman Repeller.'
Me - "Hey, could you scantily clad women please move to the left? You're
blocking the light and I can't see the monitor. How am I supposed to
look at scantily clad women on the Web with you in the way?"
So maybe it's for the best.
- Morgan -

ecent.