The Inconsiderate Gene

Feburary 9, 1997

By Morgan Carlson

I have recently done some scientific studies in the field of genetics.
I was attempting to sleep tonight, at around 1 in the morning, and as
usual the fine ladies next door were having a house party. I would never
be so rude as to party well past Hofstra's alloted Quiet Hours; first of
all, it's just plain inconsiderate, and two, I never get invited to those
sorts of parties.
So my genetics discovery was this - some people are born with an
Inconsiderate Gene that allows them to ignore the feelings of others and
do what they damn well please. The people who cut you in line and don't
act sheepish, the zombified clerks at McDonald's who could give a fuck
about your special dietary needs. they all have it. Actually, all humans
have it, some of us can just control it better. Heck, I know that as
soon as I walk into Friendly's to work, my gene goes nuts.
Customer: (Customer is such a formal term.... let's call him 'asshole.')
Asshole: Er, my daughter would like a cone.
Me: Would your daughter like ice cream on that cone, retard?
Asshole: Honey, what flavor would you like?
Daughter: Blue!
Me: Could you be more specific? Maybe a shade of blue in particular?
Asshole: You have quite an attitude, young man. Where's your manager?
Me: Drunk in his office. You can speak to the grill guy, though.
Sanchez: Senor? Quel est des problemo?
Rudeness is everywhere, kids. Take internet porn, for example. I'm a
poor college student - I just can't afford those jacked-up membership
fees for high-quality smut. So I have to spend my precious time - entire
minutes, mind you - looking for the free sites. No one is really being
rude in this situation, but it pisses me off so I'm going to write
it anyway.
My personal favorite, though, is when you walk past a group of people
talking in a circle, especially 'popular' people discussing matters of
great importance, such as the ugly shoes Sally wore to the Sigma Alpha
Omega Date-Rape-A-Thon. They all stare at you until you walk out of
hearing range. Gee, I'm so sorry for walking past your little coven of
gossip. I just wanted to hear a shred of your conversation, which is far
more fucking interesting than my own insignificant life. Look, you
popular people can have all the good looks and cool jackets, but just let
me walk in peace, okay?
And as for the pinnacle of rude, we can once again turn to the Hofstra
Financial Aid office. Don't you just love it when they finish with
someone, and then just sit around for 10 minutes, playing with paper
clips and humming? I guess the line of sixty people waving financial aid
sheets escaped their attention. But hey, it's okay, they installed a TV
in there to distract us. Always tuned to MTV, too - cause heaven knows
we love a little Matchbox 20 when we're grumpy and irritable. Some day,
we're gonna rise up and slaughter the Hofstra powers that be... right
after they sign me into Mass Media 101.
So kids, think twice before being rude to someone. It's a tough world
out there, and we're all doing our best to get by. Now fuck off.
- Morgan -

ecent.