Simon Taylor's words of wisdom


(these are profound)


  • "I reckon she's quite horny in a fat kind of way"

    (Simon's assesment of a lass at the GROT party)

  • "Just imagine how many people have died, we'd be inundated with the cunts"

    (Simon's view on ghosts)

  • "I saw a ghost once....right, I was watching rainbow"


  • "Global warming........it's fuckin' brilliant"


  • "She could squeeze a pencil"

    (Assessing Ulrikka Johnsen's sexual prowess)

  • "Is it Saturday today ?"

    (After watching the F.A. cup final)

  • "Fishguard ?.........that's in the sea isn't it, it's a guard for fish"


  • "How would you go about building a waterfall ?"


  • "The biggest arguement me and my mate have ever had was about the density of soil"


  • "If two countries are having a war...........fuck em', let them kill each other"


  • "I do like rugby, cos it's just a big fight"


  • "I reckon it'd be quite sound to be in a war, shooting all the foreign bastards"


  • "Don't you just love schoolgirls"


  • "I've just had a stroke"


  • "I'd be Freddie Starr, and then all I'd need to do is find my Ginger Rogers"

    (About what it'd be like wearing a tux)

  • "D'ya reckon that Lasse ever got laid ?.......cos she was one horny bitch."


  • "I don't have to look mate, I'm a one man woman"


  • "He fucking should be fast as well......he's been running round in the desert after chickens all his life"

    • (About a black footballer's speed off the mark)

  • "All you've got is buggery for six months"

    "Yeh, well at least you don't have to worry about getting them pregnant"

    (What it would be like being in a submarine)

  • "D'ya reckon you'd get pissed easier in space ?"


  • "Yeh, I might try that. Stick it up my arse and pump it up"

  • "No, really, I am going to give up smoking"

    (That'a the funniest one of the lot)

  • "I've not quite got around to giving up yet"

    (That's more like it)

  • "Where does it all go ?"

    (Semen, after you've had a vasectomy)

    © 1997

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