**Disclaimer -- I can't exactly remember why or when I wrote this page....but I was told it should be left up for all to view :)


Credit Cards--
Before:    An ingenious device with many capabilities.  Ergonomically designed and highly portable.  Increases emotional stature.  Offers nights out on the town, a new wardrobe, spring vacation or various other of the hearts desires.  
After:      The curse of satan.  Once you are in it's grips only God can get you out.  Need I say more.

Sex--
Before:    Something freely given after consumption of your body weight in alcohol.   May lead to one or more pleasant experiences.  Neat way to make new friends.
After:      You slept with WHO????

Alcohol--
 Before:    A substance of amazing properties that can induce states of euphoria.  Can increase you courage by 10 fold.  Automatically makes women more attractive.  This perception altering liquid also comes in an amazing gelatin form for hours of fun.
After:      You slept with WHO?????  Also introduces body into new forms of mental and physical punishment. Teaches very important biology lesson on what happens when the digestive process is interrupted.

Roomates--
Before:    A person of amazing capabilities and life experiences.  A resource of endless friendship and copious amounts of volunteerism.  Can also be very resouceful in the art of consuming the wonderous substance alcohol.
After:      NO!!!  I'm not going to bail you out of jail again, you already owe me for the last time and where's that rent check anyway.  Can also remind you at very inopportune times of exactly who it was you slept with.
 
 Financial Aid--
Before:    A wonderful form of benevolence from the kind organization that is our government.
After:       Yes, I filled that out.  Yes, I've been there.  No, I've already been there twice.  Yes, I am legally still alive.  No, my 4th cousins brother is not a member of the mafia.  Yes, the body cavity search results should be available soon.

Academic Advising--
Before:    I will be so glad to be your shining light through that jungle that is our education system.  There is nothing so insurmountable that we can't make it through so that you can graduate on time and we will always be on your side.  That's what we are here for, to help you.
After:      Even though you cannot sign up for a class without advisement and a registration number that you get from us, we are not at fault if we give you the wrong advice.  We don't necessarily know what classes you are supposed to be taking, but I'm sure we will figure out the month before you graduate that you took the wrong one somewhere and you'll just have to pay for another year of education.

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