Yup, it has been a while since I updated this column, so this is gonna be a long one. This is about the latest, and thankfully failed, attempt by the Houses of Congress to saddle the US taxpayers with one of the biggest tax increases ever known. I am referring to the tobacco bill that was sponsored by John McCain of Arizona.

Upon its defeat, our esteemed President whined that "each and every member of the Republican Caucus" was responsible for the death of this bill. (note: McCain is a Republican)

I for one am glad to see that God's Ordained Party for once lived up to principles they claim to hold: keeping taxes down and the government out of our personal lives.

Make no mistake, readers: the Demopublicans like McCain could not care less about whether your children are smoking or your aunts and uncles and parents are dying of lung cancer. It all gets down to the two things no Congressman can stay away from: your money and vote buying.

Let's see what they added to this tobacco bill:

Yes, I know, tobacco is a drug. It is also a legal product that among other things made it possible for our Vice President to be born and raised in a posh hotel in Washington CU, with room service and maids at his beck and call. (That up-bringing sure puts him in touch with the common man, doesn't it?)

There were the usual health care provisions that Bill and Hillary have been flogging for years.

The entire point of this whole exercise was this: it was nothing more than a smoke screen used to hide a multi-billion dollar tax increase.

This tax would have fallen disproportionately on the folks who are in the lowest income brackets or who have little education. These folks are the ones who are doing most of the smoking. These are the ones who would be paying those massive taxes on their legal stimulant of choice. They may have received an income tax cut from this bill, but McCain and the others would have taken it back with the increases in the tax on tobacco they pushed so hard to get. Give with one hand, and take with the other. Right, Senator Ponzi?

These same compassionate folks become strict social Darwinists when you point out who is being hit with this tax the hardest. Their support for the downtrodden goes right out the window because the trigger-word "tobacco" uttered. This tax would show these misguided uneducated slobs the error of their ways. The elitists know what is best for these pathetic semi-literate lumps of trailer trash, right?

Another danger this bill presented was precedent. If McCain and the rest of the Demopublican tax-and-spend crowd had gotten this one rammed through, there would be nothing left that they could not justify a tax on For The Public Good.

Let's take junk food. Potato chips, ice cream, soft drinks, lattés, candy bars, cookies, pastry, a good corned beef on an onion roll... You know the drill. Dependent on your own tastes, one or another of these things is a yummy treat.

Just like tobacco, some folks overdo on what they consume. There are folks who have cholesterol problems, are obese, have poor dental health, or suffer from other problems traceable to excess caloric consumption, saturated fats, or sugars.

You can see where this is going: Bill and Hillary want to put us all in the yoke of taxpayer-funded health care. However, they do not think of it as such. They think of it as "government funded". They see it as their money, not yours. So if everyone remained more healthy, the Clintons would have more of their money to spend on new programs they have not even thought of yet.

It would be spent on such important things as funding a university study on the affects of dirty jokes (I am not making this up, folks).

They could spend it refurbishing Amtrak stations in West Virginia so that Senator Robert Byrd has something nice to look at when he rides home during Congressional recesses.

Fund Amtrak at all.

Build outhouses in national parts that cost $33,000.

Take trips to China to visit their campaign contributors.

That next package of biscotti, quart of praline delight, or 6-pack of cream soda would cost you big-time. This would be after hearings in which Congress would subpoena paperwork from Stella D'Oro, Ben & Jerry's, or Barq's showing that these nefarious evil capitalist profiteers were out to sell their nasty sugar-laden products to our children and get them "hooked" forever.

There's that "children" theme again. Every other tax increase or piece of our civil liberties they tear away is done "for the chillllldren". Trigger locks on guns, internet censorship, taxing us to bring the internet to classrooms, tobacco bills, you name it.

Back on the smoking issue for a moment: there are many hundreds of thousands of folks who started and then stopped smoking. Members of my immediate family are among them. Others who I know or knew continued to smoke after the warnings and after the evidence of health damage. THAT IS (OR WAS) THEIR CHOICE, and THEIR RESPONSIBILITY. They made a choice. Not one of them was compelled to smoke. Big Tobacco does not owe them a dime.

The junk food issue is near to my heart. I just found out that I have heart trouble.

I am a very big man and always have been. My dietary habits have brought me down the path to a weight (today) of 292 lbs. For my non-US readers, that is about 132 kilos. Twenty stone 12. Roundly speaking, about 60 to 70 pounds overweight. As I joke with my friends: with my build I will always be a "bear", but right now I look like a bear who is ready for hibernation season. This is not good.

I do not exactly live on beer and chips, but I have over the years eaten too much, and much of this has been "junk". These are dietary choices I made, and am now going to face some consequences for them. I am going on a regimen of exercise, vitamins and niacin, and some other things that will get me on the road to recovery.

Am I ready to sue Mars Candies? Keebler? Granny Goose? Do I sue the grocery stores ("pushers") that sold me this stuff? No. I am telling you here and now that the furthest thing from my mind is to blame some corporate entity for my problem. I take full responsibility for my past actions and will make an effort to correct matters.

I just looked outside. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and that new bike I bought yesterday is singing the siren song of "ride me!" I believe I will go do just that.

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