James "The Biggest Criminal in Red Lion" Wolgemuth

I grew up a poor little black boy in southern Mississippi. I had to work all night for one piece of bread and was only allowed a few hours of sleep a day (things are real twisted there). I moved to up-state New York to a farm where I turned white (this part is true). While I'm on the subject I'd like to send a big shout to all my homies back there from school and tell you that I am better than all of you. I don't care if I ever talk to any of you again ( with the exception of two or three of you). I would also like you to know I will make out better than all of you combined and don't say you were friends with me when I make it big because I NEVER LIKED ANY OF YOU! (except for two or three of you and you know who you are)

At the age of 13 I moved to York county Pennsylvania (we were running from the law) and started going to Red Lion. The next couple of years were pretty boring. Then in 10th grade I meet my lovely Sarah and married her. Then I got my license and then I got a ton of tickets. Then THE MAN took my license away and it is still suspended at the time I am writting this. They can take your license, but they can't keep you from driving.

In the future I plan to continue my education after high school. That is all I can tell you since I don't know where I'll go or what I'll study.

Me Currently

I am the biggest criminal in Red Lion. I would not be if it weren't for the help from my partners in crime, Eric, Dave, Marty, and T. Together we make up a very small band of outlaws (there are only five of us you know) that has danger waiting for us around every corner. We are fighting for the benifit of the human race. While we don't have a name you would know us if you saw us (we wear kilts). I would tell you all of the illegal acts I have commited and the stories behind them but I can't for two reasons:

1. I don't have enough room

2. Mitten would crucify me if I did

I have a huge hatred for the police. The time they have wasted giving me tickets and citation would have been better spent saving the lives of all the people in a small village in Canada, there are about six of them if you were wondering. Also you might ask, "Why are their lives in danger?" NO!! Say it with a higher pitched voice!! That's better. The answer is simple; Canadians have a low self-esteem and are very suicidal. Cops waste their time enforcing gay laws and act all big and tough for doing so. I do respect the job though and appreciate the good they do, they just don't do enough of it.

I also hate midgets. If you are a midget I'm sorry but I DON'T LIKE YOU!

In Conclusion

1. If you see a cop kick him in the knee twice and tell him to get working on world peace and to leave me alone or I'll cut him. (I love knives)

2. I am better than all of you, especially those of you from Chateaugay Central School. To you I say build a shrine for me and be grateful that I let you know me.

3. Stay in school, drop outs suck!

4. HAVE FUN AT ALL COSTS!!!

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU

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