A common aspect to almost all religious traditions is the tendency to have a strong viewpoint on the topics of marriage and sexual mores. However, these views can differ drastically between different traditions, and the aim of the following discussion will be to illustrate this through the example of the contrasting views shown by Islam and Wicca on the subjects of marriage and sexual mores. These two religions differ in almost all of their views regarding the place of marriage in everyday and religious life, and the sexual morals followed both before and after marriage. The contrasting views of these two religious groups on aspects of this topic such as the importance of marriage, the rules that govern marriage, the rituals of the marriage itself and the sexual morals and rules which guide the relations of men and women will form the basis of this discussion.
The Importance of Marriage
The importance of marriage in Islam is vastly different to its importance in Wicca. Islam holds marriage to be not only good, but preferable, and in some cases (such as where a person fears that if they do not marry they will commit fornication), as "wajib"1 or obligatory. The Prophet Mohammed states, "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."2 Muslims see marriage as a vital part of their religious duty to Allah, indeed, Islam exalts marriage as the natural state. This is for two main reasons; one, the family unit is the nucleus of Muslim life, vital to the raising of good Muslim children and so the continuance of the religion, and two, sexual acts are strictly forbidden outside of marriage. Marriage is therefore the only "lawful response to the basic biological instinct to have sexual intercourse and to procreate children."3
The importance of marriage in Wicca is a vastly different matter. It is in no way the focus of the religion, and it is in no way obligatory. In Islam, marriage is performed as more a religious and social duty than anything else, while in Wicca, the sole reason for marriage is love. As Wicca puts no restrictions on sexual relations outside of marriage (or, indeed, inside, as long as both parties consent and neither is hurt), there is no religious reason to get married. As a matter of fact, there are different kinds of marriages or "handfastings" in Wicca, however I will discuss these later in the text. There are no religious prohibitions in Wicca to living in a de-facto relationship as there are in Islam, and neither are there any prohibitions preventing Wiccans from having children and a family without getting married. A further area in which Wicca is much less strict than Islam is in relation to the rules governing marriage and courtship, as I will discuss in the next section.
Rules Governing Marriage
Islam has very strict rules governing whom one is allowed to marry, when they can marry, the consent of the marriage parties and the conduct within a marriage. There is actually a passage in the Koran detailing just who a man may marry:
"You shall not marry the women whom your fathers married: all previous such marriages excepted. That was an evil practice, indecent and abominable. Forbidden to you are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your paternal and maternal aunts, the daughters of your brothers and sisters, foster-mothers, your foster-sisters, the mothers of your wives, your step-daughters who are in your charge, born of the wives with whom you have lain (it is no offence for you to marry your step-daughters if you have not consummated your marriage with their mothers), and the wives of your own begotten sons. You are also forbidden to take in marriage two sisters at one and the same time: all previous such marriages excepted. God is forgiving and merciful. Also married women, except those whom you own as slaves."(4:22-24)4
This extremely strict guideline reinforces the importance in which Muslims regard marriage, and shows that it has been given a great deal of thought within the religion. A man may choose any woman not prohibited by the above guidelines, as long as she also consents to the marriage, furthermore, a woman may (presumably) do the same, but her chosen mate must not only consent, but must also be approved of by her father or guardian before she is allowed to marry.
The Koran also puts restrictions upon when a person is to marry, for example, a woman has a waiting period of three months after a divorce before she may remarry. The conduct of the partners, before and within a marriage, both in everyday life and in sexual relations, is in accordance with Islamic law. A couple is not supposed to undergo courtship as it is undertaken in western culture. They are permitted to see each other before the marriage, so that "after an opportunity of exchange of ideas and sharing of some activities for character acquaintance"5 they may "choose a spouse who is muttaqi (God fearing)"6, but they may not be alone together. After the partners have chosen each other and the marriage has been performed, the man is given the status of leader. Mohammed Abdul-Rauf proposes that:
"This is not male chauvinism. It derives from the natural psychological and physical makeup of the male. Man does not suffer from a regular monthly indisposition with its attendant adverse psychological effects. He does not have to be confined by pregnancy or for delivery; nor can he feed children from his breasts. He is therefore always ready to go out and search for sustenance for himself and his dependents"7
However, it does state clearly in the Koran that "Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other, and spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are obedient."(4:34)8 The man is the breadwinner, he is required to provide for his wife, even if she is rich in her own right, and it is her responsibility to maintain the household and care for children.
Another aspect of Islamic marriage is the practice of polygamy under certain circumstances. The vast majority of Muslims today, (about 97%)9 live in a monogamous marriage, but polygamy does still occur. Like a first marriage, it is not something that can be entered into lightly, and there are strict rules under which it is allowed, such as if the wife is barren, or seriously ill and unable to perform "marital duties". Adultery is, of course strictly forbidden, as are any sexual relations outside marriage, and polygamy is seen as the preferable way to satisfy a man's desires and also to ensure the procreation of progeny.
The examples I have just given illustrate how rigidly structured marriage is in Islamic culture, as opposed to how marriage is governed in Wicca. The rules governing a Wiccan marriage are much different and much less strict. The parties to enter into the marriage choose each other freely, (through the normal courtship practices of western culture), as the marriage is a bond of love rather than a bond of practicality, and consent is totally theirs to give. Also, no other parties are involved in arranging the marriage, as is often done in Islam. Generally, there are no restrictions on who one can marry in Wicca, (excluding of course socially inappropriate people such as close family relations, etc.), and this extends even to homosexual couples10, although this is discouraged by high magic practitioners who work with the polar energies of male and female11. The positions of the man and woman in a heterosexual marriage are in no way defined except for the fact that they are perfectly equal partners, who shall choose for themselves who makes the money and who keeps the household. Also, Wiccan marriages are a technically and typically monogamous affair, but in some cases the partners practice a type of 'open marriage' where sexual relations with other people is allowed, but again the choice is completely up to them.
The next area I shall address is one in which Wiccan and Islamic marriages are somewhat similar. This is the fact that there are certain ceremonial observances in both traditions that are followed by the vast majority of people, with one act in particular, the consummation, being vital to the validity of marriage in both religions.
The Rituals of Marriage
In Islam, there is a great variety when it comes to how the actual wedding ceremony itself is performed, (depending on different countries and cultures), but there are certain conditions, outlined in the Koran, which must be met before the marriage is considered valid. The first is the "Mahr"12 or wedding gift from the groom to the bride, and as it states in the Koran: "Give women their [Mahr] as a free gift..."(4:4)13 This gift "does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an"14, but it is obligatory for a marriage to be valid, and if the couple divorce, she must keep whatever he gave to her, as stated: "If you wish to replace one wife with another, do not take from her the [Mahr] you have given her even if it be a talent of gold."(4:20)15 Another condition is that after the actual consummation of the marriage, a banquet, or "walima"16, must be held by the groom to celebrate the marriage. At this banquet, it is preferable to sacrifice a lamb or other edible animal by slitting its throat, (a symbolic gesture representing the breaking of the hymen and the spillage of blood at the consummation), which is then cooked and served to the guests.
In a typical Wiccan handfasting, there are elements of the ceremony itself which are always carried out. These are summarised by Graham Harvey in his book Listening People Speaking Earth, "A circle is formed-the cardinal directions, elements, ancestors and/or deities are greeted or offered gifts... the handfasting takes place, then the proceedings end with a farewell to the quarters and a formal announcement that the ceremony is over."17 Also, there is usually an exchange of rings and a kiss, the hands of the couple are commonly tied together (hence the name "handfasting"), and "the couple leap together over a broomstick which symbolises male and female in sexual union, 'the rod which penetrates the bush', and the threshold between past and present."18
At the end of the ceremony a similarity between Islam and Wicca is to be found. Wiccans also hold the consummation of the marriage, or, at they call it, the "Great Rite", as very important. Indeed, most Wiccan couples will either perform a symbolic "Great Rite" at the end of the ceremony, which would entail the woman holding a chalice into which the man would lower a ceremonial knife (known as an athame), or, in some cases, the couple will be left alone to physically consummate the marriage before the post-wedding celebrations begin.
As I mentioned earlier, there are three different types of handfastings that can be undertaken. The first is the traditional pledge of "a year and a day", after which the couple may part amicably; the second is a lifelong pledge, where the couple pledge themselves to each other as long as they shall live; and the third is an unusual marriage where the couple pledge their souls to each other, so that they may remain together throughout all their following lifetimes19.This is different to the Islamic wedding, which is simply a bond for life.
A further difference between Islamic and Wiccan marriages is that an Islamic marriage is almost always a civil affair, that is, it is legally recognised by the state, whereas a Wiccan handfasting is a purely spiritual union, which is seen as separate from the actual legal marriage, which in some cases may not even be performed.
The last area I shall address in this essay is the one in which Islam and Wicca differ the most significantly: their beliefs and morals when it comes to sexual relations, both inside and outside of marriage.
Sexual Mores
Perhaps the area within which Islam and Wicca differ the most is in regard to the sexual mores of the respective traditions. Islam is extremely strict about sexual relations between couples, while Wicca has a very liberal attitude.
As I touched on earlier, sexual relations outside marriage is strictly forbidden in Islam. Boys and girls are not even supposed to mix before they are married. Adultery is strictly punished, as is homosexuality. Sexual pleasure, however, is not seen as something to be denied or hidden, rather, it is a drive that is "not wrong in and of itself, but rather in need of proper control and channelling"20. Furthermore, there is much written on how sexual acts between spouses are to be performed and the proper way for a man to treat his wife when he desires sex, and so on.
In contrast to this, Wicca is very liberal in its sexual attitude. As I mentioned, homosexual couples can and do get handfasted, and they are generally accepted in the Wiccan community. As Starhawk says, "Marriage is a deep commitment, a magical, spiritual, and psychic bond. But it is only one possibility out of many for loving, sexual expression"21. So, sexual relationships, both inside and outside of marriage, are completely accepted within Wicca. There are no formal rules about sex in Wicca, apart from the universal Wiccan Rede: "And it harm none, do what thou wilt."
Through this, it can be seen that in Wicca, as opposed to Islam, individuals have full responsibility to decide what is right for them when it comes to sex, both before and after marriage.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it may be interesting to note how the documentation of marriage rules and practices differs in these two religions, and how this reflects upon the importance with which they view marriage. There is a very great deal of literature about Islamic marriage, detailing almost every aspect from the organisation of the marriage right through to the way the couple manage their finances and relations to one another, whereas in Wicca, there is little actual literature about how a marriage is supposed to work, save for many examples of the actual ceremony itself. Wiccans have a great deal of freedom within their marriages, adhering only to their own religious and moral codes and their own rules, whereas Muslims have a very regimented system. This and the evidence I have given above concerning the importance of marriage, the rules that govern marriage, the rituals of the marriage itself and the sexual morals and rules which guide the relations of men and women, all come together to show the immense difference between Islam and Wicca when it comes to the issues of marriage and sexual mores.
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1. Abdur Rahman I. Doi. "Marriage" Marriage. Undated.
2. Abdur Rahman I. Doi. "Marriage" Marriage. Undated.
3. Abdur Rahman I. Doi. "Marriage" Marriage. Undated.
4. The Koran. Trans. N.J. Dawood. London: Penguin Books, 1993. p.63.
5. Ann Eudoxie Francisse. "Status Of Women In Islam And Their Right to Choose Spouses." Hamdard Islamicus. XVIII.1 (1995): 115.
6. Ann Eudoxie Francisse. "Status Of Women In Islam And Their Right to Choose Spouses." Hamdard Islamicus. XVIII.1 (1995): 115.
7. Muhammad Abdul-Rauf. "A Happy Conjugal Household: Mutual Rights and Obligations including Sex Etiquette." Zawaj.com. Undated.
8. The Koran. Trans. N.J. Dawood. London: Penguin Books, 1993. p.64.
9. Moulana Abdul Quiddous Al-Azhari. "Islam" RE131 Lecture. University of Queensland, 27 March 2000.
10. Graham Harvey. Listening People Speaking Earth: Contemporary Paganism. Kent Town, SA: Wakefield Press, 1997. p.200.
11.Elizabeth Puttick. "Goddess and Gopis: In Search of New Models of Female Sexuality." Nature religion today : paganism in the modern world. Ed. Joanne Pearson, Richard H. Roberts and Geoffrey Samuel. Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press, 1998. p
Mir Mohammed Assadullah. "Wedding In Islam" Zawaj.com. Undated.
The Koran. Trans. N.J. Dawood. London: Penguin Books, 1993. p.60.
Huma Ahmad. "Marriage in Islam" The Muslim Women's Homepage.Undated.
The Koran. Trans. N.J. Dawood. London: Penguin Books, 1993. p.63.
Mir Mohammed Assadullah. "Wedding In Islam" Zawaj.com. Undated.
Graham Harvey. Listening People Speaking Earth: Contemporary Paganism. Kent Town, SA: Wakefield Press, 1997. p.201.
Graham Harvey. Listening People Speaking Earth: Contemporary Paganism. Kent Town, SA: Wakefield Press, 1997. p.202.
Stewart Farrar, What Witches Do. Custer: Phoenix Publishing Inc., 1989. p.161-162.
M. E. Combs-Schilling. Sacred Performances: Islam, Sexuality, and Sacrifice. Columbia University Press: New York, 1989. p.94.
Quoted in: Elizabeth Puttick. "Goddess and Gopis: In Search of New Models of Female Sexuality." Nature religion today : paganism in the modern world. Ed. Joanne Pearson, Richard H. Roberts and Geoffrey Samuel. Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press, 1998. p
Page © J.H.W., 2000.