When the world was still fresh and the boiling pools of fire had slowed to a nice simmer, there appeared on the landscape a man, naked and weak, that crawled from one boiling sea to the next.  His name was unknown to all and he would have died had he not, upon reaching The Other Boiling Sea, found a pool of blue-green algae.  He fell into this pool of algae (well, actually bacteria (you see blue-green algae is a misnomer but we like to call it algae not bacteria because of the negative connotation that bacteria has)) and it covered his body and held him tight and kept him from the horrors of this fresh world.

The man remained like this for nearly two centuries.  Then two more centuries past and couple more after that.  It wasn’t until the Middle Ages that two knights of the Bsavian Manor, The Laughing Computer and The Head Brigadoon, came along.  The story is sketchy at best because it really only appears in the Blue Sea Scrolls which were badly damaged in a fire that happened in the Blue Sea due to highly explosive dolphins; that, however, is another story.  What the scrolls tell us is that The Laughing Computer was very thirsty so he leaned over to drink from the pool.  The Head Brigadoon was said to be cautious about this, saying something about a dream which involved algae and a penguin and he said it was a bad omen.  The Laughing Computer laughed at him and leaned down.  Then a hand shot up from the water and pulled the Laughing Computer into the algae pool.  The Head Brigadoon panicked and scrambled to find a rope or something that he could use to save his friend; however, as soon as the Brigadoon was tying several snakes together, The Laughing Computer flew from the pond and came crashing down next to The Head Brigadoon.  Then from the pool rocked a shape which the two could not make out, but it seemed to be a man.

We don’t have another account of the man of the algae until the time of the Pilgrims, in which the account of Goody Too shoos says in a letter to Goody Godé:

“And like a flash it came and it landed and it was a man, or so we thought but his hair was in a circular thing and seemed to be made of living algae; he leaned over to me and kissed me on the lips no less!  Of course then I had to fashion for myself a scarlet A for Algae and I claimed my allegiance to him, my dear friend, for he kissed that well.”

Well Hemobloatkin the Algae Wizard ended up not taking this person on as an assistant.  In fact, it wasn’t until the man appeared in the Camel Café and demanded to speak to the BSA leaders because he had heard of their power and wanted to wrestle their greatest champion that he was heard from again.

After the other members unanimously voted “not me,” The Head Brigadoon, who had arrived late, was chosen to wrestle.  History does not record his response.  So a ring was set up and the match was to begin.

The Wizard and The Brigadoon fought long and hard.  They both smashed the other and both were bleeding and dripping with sweat. Several times The Brigadoon told Jub-Jub The Computer Head, “You are so dead!”

Then a great voice yelled, “Stop!”  It was the Cremsplino Dingdino in a giant robotic suit.  He declared that Bsavian thought would never allow such things to happen.  The Brigadoon then began to bawl, and when his tears hit the grown they turned into flowers.  This was called the Miracle of the Seven Hippopotami (this was due to the fact that the Miracle of the Flowers sounded too girly).

The Cremsplino Dingdino then took the two fighters and placed them on a giant ladder leading to the sky.  It was only then that the BSA asked the mighty wizard to join.  The wizard replied, “Hooky pooky!”

With these words the BSA inducted Hemobloatkin the Algae Wizard, and he would remain a loyal member until he was called to fight the intergalactic monster squad called "The Intergalactic Monster Squad" and had to leave Earth for an undisclosed amount of time.  At this time, he left his most famous Last Will and Testament, which appears in the Document section of this site.

[ The Head Brigadoon ] [ Jub Jub The Computer Head ] [ The Arch Whino ] [ Dracuclease ] [ The Know-Nothinger ] [ Pyro Potato"e" ] [ Spie Supreme Ice Cream ] [ Hemobloatkin the Algae Wizard ] [ The Cremspleno Dingdino ] [ Flandofleaz ] [ Barton the Exaggerator ]