TRUE dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
"Ritch Hall, computer assistant. May I help
you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went
away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I
type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get
out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on
the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
accept anything I
type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the
power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
......"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me
if it's plugged
into the wall."
......"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you
notice that there were
two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the
other cable."
....."Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the
back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something
and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right
angle-it's because
it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light
I have is coming
in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've
got it licked now. Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing
stuff your computer
came in ?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like
it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it
from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.
