BELL: (belch) Object of supreme control in factories, offices, schools, etc. Tends to ring either earlier (before work) or later (after work) than it should. Somehow, the first case is generally concomitant with a smiling representative of the craven authorities ready with some punitive measures for its unfortunate victims. Usually shielded with thick layer of impermeable plastic to protect it from irate employees/students remonstrating against such inane punctiliousness of management.
eg "Since today is Christmas Eve, the proprietors of J.B.Broggs Ltd have thought is proper to make the bell ring exactly at 5pm instead of the usual 5.07pm."
DEAR: (deeeeeer) a hypocritical phrase used to address people (in particular, bosses) when no other printable words will adequately describe feelings of repugnance for that person.
eg "Dear Sir, may I humbly invite you for my house warming party in the local dump (apologies, but I couldn't afford any place else on my present salary)"
FOOL: (fuhl) alternative name for politician. Use with much caution.
eg "that fool wouldn't be able to catch a cold if he tried - even viruses find his habits too dirty."
GOOD: (guhd) cliche used to describe a stupid thing in a politically correct manner. Often used in order to avoid physical injury from the person requesting the opinion.
eg "Do you like my new dress?" asked the girl, as she paraded before
him in a bright yellow suit that looked like something worn by
mentally retarded prisoners on their first date.
"It's really quite good," replied the boy as he carefully averted
his eyes "Was it made in Paris or Vienna?"
HOPE: (hype) a yearning for some unattainable Utopian ideal. Leads to worry and fruitless waits. Thought to have disappeared with Windows 3.11 and was confirmed extinct with Windows 95.
eg "I hope computers will one day be reliable."
LIAR: (lawyer) an euphemism for lawyer. Again, use with extreme caution to avoid a lawsuit.
eg "As I am obviously in the right in this lawsuit, I am going to find it very difficult to find a good liar to defend me in court."
LOVE: (luv) unproved conjecture that a female and a male can genuinely enter a symbiotic relationship. In most cases a corollary of money, lust and/or avarice. Thought to have been invented by writers in order to provide a new channel for their prolix and quixotic ratiocinations.
eg "in an ongoing effort to make literature more veracious, it has been suggested that the famous love story 'Romeo & Juliet' be renamed 'Romeo $ Juliet'.
WORK: (werk, to rhyme with 'jerk') an incapacitating disease handed to humankind by a self proclaimed panacea called organisation. Often involves very fatiguing labour and/or extreme cerebration. Thought to be highly correlated to ills such as heart disease, marriage, taxes and bosses.
eg "Work harder, you poor excuses for humans", shouted the rotund foreman to the sweat-laden labourers as he munched on his fifth burger that day.
Copywrong Dinoj Surendran @ 1995. All rights reserved for Holyfield, all lefts for Tyson.