Anaesthetist: a doctor who delays your pain until such time as you get his bill.
Die : what some patients so in the end to humiliate the doctor.
Numbskull : a stupid skeleton
Twit : Someone who's not a nitwit, but getting there.
Absent Minded Person : One who stands in front of the mirror for hours trying to remember where he had seen the person before .
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either .
Opportunists : One who starts having a bath when he/she accidently falls in a river .
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present .
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece .
Love affairs : Something like cricket where one:day internationals are more popular than a five day test .
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will:power is defeated by feminine water:power .
Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage .
Cigarette : A pinch of tobaco rolled in paper with fire at one end and an idiot at the other .
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks , nobody listens on .
Sober: A state of mind when it is difficult to fall in love.
Committee: a group of people who can reduce two clear alternatives to eighteen unclear ones.
Minister of Defence: One who is always ready to lay down your life for their country.
Journalism: that extraordinary scribbling to be found in newspapers, on the back of the advertisements (G. K. Chesterton)
Sadist: one who would put a drawing pin on an electric chair.
Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark. -- Rilla May
Politics: noun. from Greek; "poli"-many; "tics"-ugly, bloodsucking parasites.
Computer Scientist: someone who, when told to go to hell, sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.