The Caveman's Algorithm

begin
  if hear barking 
  then
    curse like Bronson
    go outside and investigate
    if barking from wolf
    then
      domesticate the damn animal
    endif
    ask dog what matter is
    repeat
      thrash mutt
    until recall that dogs can't speak     
    investigate more scientifically
    if science hasn't been invented yet
    then
      wait a few thousand years for it to be
    endif
    if bonehead is barking for nothing
    then
      invent fire and hurl it at the mangy cur
    else
      follow it
      if it leads to dinosaur
      then
        if feeling sensible
          go back to cave
        else
          take out life insurance
          attack dino with hi-tech automatic TR-35 bludgeons
        endif
      else if leads to potentially domesticable animals eg TVs
      then
        capture sample animals using sophisticated methods 
	  depicted on Friday's movie
      else if leads to food (eg McDonald's)
        take some home for junior
      else if leads to group of travelling salesman
        take them to club (ie pulp their mostly empty brains)
      endif
      go home with best friend (pizza, or dog if former is  
        yet to enter this stinking planet)
      reach home sweet home
      pull up a rock and meditate upon the future - invent 
	wheel perhaps
      set alarm for 1 hour past dawn on sundial
      go back to bed
    endif
  else (if no barking heard)
    why get up?
  endif
end.

Back to Dino's page

to Geocities