The Year 2000
- by Peter Sadlon
We have heard from Nostradamus, Scallion, and Cayce about the future,
and it doesn't seem to be too great. But any ways let me tell you
about the future I see.
First let me say that computers are stupid. Did you know that nearly
all computers store dates as 06 05 95 (6 May 1995)? Well, let's see
what January 1st, 2000 looks like. It looks like this 01 01 00. Lets
compare that to January 1st, 1900 which is of course 01 01 00. Now
you are beginning to see the problem.
So shortly after midnight on January 1, 2000 strange things will
start to happen. Here are just some of the possibilities which may
just turn out to be true.
- A program meant to make automatic back-up copies of computer
files starts replacing documents dated 01-01-00 with
versions from 31-12-99 or earlier.
- 01-01-00 will be interpreted as the first day in 1900, which
was a Monday, instead of the first day in 2000 which will
be a Saturday. As a result:
- school bells and traffic signals will operate on their weekday schedules.
- displays of arrivals and departures at the train station
shows the Monday morning commuter trains.
- a bank will be robbed because a time lock allows
the vault to be opened on a Saturday.
- A computer (at the airport) in the maintenance department has
grounded all the aircraft because they are 99 years overdue
for airframe and engine overhauls.
....and pilots appear to have been on duty for 875,000 hours,
in violation of union and FAA work rules.
- At the local dairy, the oldest milk is shipped first, but the
early week of the new millennium milk from the year 00 will
have precedence. Any milk remaining from 1999 will not be
shipped until 2099.
- meanwhile, at the bakery, the computer tells them bread with
the date 01-01-00 must be a century old, and sends it to
the landfill.
- Bank Statements:
- your $31000 deposit made in late December has earned almost
100 years of interest. Your balance is now $3400,000.
- but the next day your VISA bill arrives and you owe $3136 million.
- That Happy New Year call you placed, just before midnight has
been charged on your phone bill as 53 million minutes.
- And the library sends you a notice about some seriously overdue
books.
"You may delay, but Time will not." - Benjamin Franklin
