Selections from

"258 things to when you're bored"

1. Wax the ceiling.
2. Drop your cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all four feet.
3. Repeat above until failure.
4. Rearrange political campaign signs.
5. Sharpen your teeth.
6. Clean and polish your belly button.
7. Wash a tree.
8. Flirt with an evergreen.
9. Scare Steven King.
10. Give your cat a mohawk.
11. Mow your carpet.
12. Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings.)
13. Listen to a painting.
14. Play with matches.
15. Buff your cat.
16. Raise professional racing ferrets.
17. Paint your home...day-glo orange.
18. Dial-a-Prayer and argue.
19. Change your mind.
20. Change it back.
21. Paint your windows.
22. Smile.
23. Shoot at a fire hydrant.
24. Apologize to it.
25. See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement.
26. Give a Rorschach (Ink-blot) Test to your gerbil.
27. Turn your TV picture tube upside down.
28. Take your sofa for a walk.
29. Start.
30. Stop.
31. Dial 911...breath heavily.
32. Go to a funeral and tell jokes.
33. Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.
34. Contemplate a cockroach.
35. Form a political party.
36. Climb a sidewalk.
37. Annoy yourself.
38. Get angry with yourself.
39. Stop speaking to yourself.
40. Kiss and make-up.
41. Wear a salad.
42. Walk on water...but DON'T get caught.
43. Shave a shrub.
44. Have a proton fight.
45. Watch a car rust.
46. Quiver.
47. Buy the Brooklyn Bridge.
48. Mail it to a friend.
49. Be in the wrong place at the right time.
50. Factor your social security number.
51. Exist...existentially of course.
52. Hot wax the bottoms of your brother's dress shoes.
53. Take a picture.
54. Put it back.
55. Go back to square one.
56. Sand a mushroom.
57. Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor.
58. Play solitare...for cash.
59. Abuse your patio furniture.
60. Run for Pope.
61. If you don't win, run for God.
62. Write a book about a previous life.
63. Count to a million...fast.
64. Think shallow thoughts.
65. Run around in squares.
66. Converse...with a flatworm.
67. Drive the speed limit...in your garage.
68. Sing the National Anthem...during your calculus final.
69. Give your goldfish a perm.
70. Fly a brick.
71. Play tag...on the nearest interstate.
72. Paint stripes on a lake.
73. Test thin ice...with a pogo stick.
74. Apply for a Unicorn Hunting License.
75. Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes.
76. Crawl.
77. Be a side affect.
78. Duck.
79. Redecorate your garage.
80. Join the Army...be someone simple.
81. Hit the deck.
82. Make a deal with the Devil...keep your fingers crossed.
83. Put legwarmers on all your furniture.
84. Sit.
85. Stay.
86. Roll over.
87. Play dead.
88. Pour instant concrete in your brothers waterbed.
89. Give a lecture tour on the historical signifigance of cream cheese.
90. Debate politics with a fern.
91. If you lose stop watering it.
92. Donate your brother's body to science.
93. Join Hell's Angels by mail.
94. Give your cat a suntan...in the microwave.
95. Be a square root.
96. Ask stupid questions.
97. Interview a cloud.
98. Play tiddly-winks...go for blood.
99. Go to a drive-in movie in a tank.
100. Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway.
101. Do aerobics...in your head.
102. Play cards with your swimming pool.
103. Send your goldfish to obedience school.
104. Pinstripe your driveway.
105. Play "Kick the fire-hydrant."
106. Harness chipmunk power
107. Change your name...daily.
108. Re-establish the Roman Empire...in Toronto.
109. Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation.
110. Sharpen your sleeping skills.
111. Put out a fire.
112. If you can't find one make one.
113. Get a college education.
114. Bury your fathers Nissan.
115. Tell your him the dog did it.
116. Catch a falling star.
117. Throw it back.
118. Kickstart your TV.
119. Kickstop your TV.
120. Perfect the internal cumbustion telephone.
121. Make a list of things to do when bored.
122. Renumber the bored list
123. Write HTML code for your bored list and put it on your web page