Presidential Profile of Teddy Roosevelt (for 03/16/01):

"The Roosevelt Rap"

Yeah, hey foo! I’m heah ta tell you

About a dude named Theodore

He admieh-uhed strength and thought dat war

Was da final conflict sol-vah…

(It’s fastah den a peace conference

And moo direct too, yeah foo!)

Teddy Roosevelt wuz, pop-u-lah president

His 61 year life span was cut short

When he died, yeah his shoes were untied

Cuz he was in bed, when he was dead! Hey foo yeah!

America cried, when he died (doodle-dee-doop, well foo yeah HUH!)

He was plannin’ on staying neutral in

World War I, when it did begin

But he soon sympathized wit’ de Allies’ cause

‘Cause the German Kaiser was a ruthless shark-Jaws!

He loved animals (an ‘e shot ‘em, too

When to Africa he did goo…)

A big game hunter extroardinare,

He shot White Rhinos, and he shot bears

It was strange, foo, cause he loved em, too

Don’t ask me why he made ‘em die

But he did… He was a strange kid… (YEAH)

He learned Jujitsu from a Japanese mas-tah

He had ‘im fight a wrest-lah, it was quite a disas-tah

BEATDOWN TIME soon commenced

And before long (FOO!) the wrest-lah was de-sensed

It didn’t take long for him to figure out

What both wrestling and Jujitsu were about

Wrestlers played a sport, like a racin’ jockey

But Jujitsu killed (BOO BOO BOODLE DO) (DUH DUH DUH) LIKE IN HOCKEY!

Wit’ dat said an’ done, I’d like to explain

The part Teddy played in Forest Conservae-shain

He set aside lotsa land for national parks

He was da kinda watchdog who’s not afraid to bark

(Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! (WOOF WOOF WOOF!)

Da Panama Canal, now, dat was part o’ his woiks

At least some of it was, let me tell you de poiks

Yeah, Columbia rejected a US treaty

That gave them some money, but they wuz greedy

They wanted more, those Columbian joiks

So the U.S.S. Nashville was sent

To Columbia, to stop them from

Containing the Panama revolution

Out from Columbia Panama went

Thus it happened, wit’ a bit o’ woik

Dat da Panama project happened like they said

Even though the treaty wit’ Columbia was dead

It was born again wit’ doze Panama men/women

(DO DO DOODLE BOO)

(Hey, I’m politically correct (DUH), wha - ddid’ya eck-spect!?)

He once was a big, trust-buster-man

Until he realized that bunches o’ competin’ companies

Move very slow, and less efficient than

One big company, run by one clan

He started to call just for der regulay-shan

He liked to exaggerate, all of his life

He exaggerated wit’ his children (yeah foo yeah!)

He exagerated wit’ his wife

He exaggerated wit’ every woman and man

‘K I admiddit, dat’s uhn exaggeray-shan!

Hey derz more ta tell, but it’d take me YEARS

An’ buhsides dat, you’d be bored ta TEARS

An now I gotta say it, I don’t mean tuh be rude…

But dat Teddy Roosevelt, (duh duh dada-duh) he’s one rockin’ DUDE!