Life of the Average American
by
Nathanael Smith


Birth
May fifth, a message to Dad
Hi, Pop, I'm your new son
This world is hard and cold
But with you, it'll be fun

1
A year has passed, so long
I can feed myself with a spoon
Last week I stood on my feet
Parents looking for more room

2
Now I can talk. I grew the right
To backtalk my parents and all
I get in more trouble with 'no' often
But when I need them, I can just call

3
I turned over a new leaf, now
It's my job to help sweep the house
I sneak up on dustbunnies, joyful
And catch them, 'quiet as a mouse'

4
Do you know the fun of crayons?
With gravity I drew a jagged line
It's red, and on the hallway wall
My mom doesn't think it's fine

5
Now I'm coloring at the table
Staying inside the lines so well
That I won the 'housewide color contest'
My drawings are sure to sell

6
I'm sitting in class now, learning
I'll soon be reading and all that stuff
We sit in a room with a teacher,
And sometimes the lessons are tough

7
Missy and I met last year, we decided
That we are adults now, me and her
And the rest of the class, and
Someday I think I'll marry her

8
I've sat in a classroom for so long
That I'm sure the teacher's wrong
After all, I should know best
Running outside makes me strong

13
Seventh grade, this is just the first
Of three years of joy and happiness
Sure, the school's still hard,
And life's becoming a mess

14
I met a girl today, I lost my head
Started babbling like a crazy cretin
When will the world right itself?
Probably never, after that meeting

16
Brake, change gears, accelerate
My vocabulary's expanding alot
I control a two-thousand pound beast
The car I haven't yet got

18
Wanted: A nice home, three bedrooms
For all my stuff, and two phone lines
To surf the internet and talk.
Found: An apartment with smaller fines

19
My girl and I got engaged today
Next year, her face will grace
The bridal column of the newspaper
Oh, that perfect, smiling face

20
We walked the aisle, our eyes shining
We breathlessly whispered our "I do"s
I gave her a ring, and my name
The world has one more two

25
I saw a dying man today,
The way he groaned, then shook, then died
Reminded me of my childhood
I reached to heaven, and cried

28
One plus one is three, you see
At least that's how it works now
Junior breathed this afternoon
First time, then screamed and crowed

30
The ladder starts so small, so simple
It grows harder as it climbs upwards
It was just the bare bones 'Employee'
Now it's 'Mr. Director, sir'

35
Junior started second grade, he hates it
I remember when I was that free
And laugh at my former naivety
Sis and Bub now grace the family tree

40
Black streamers, black hats, black words
'Happy Birthday, old man!' kind cheers
I'm not old, just $29.95... plus tax
I just seem to always lose these years

42
Sis is a little eight-year-old lady
Bub is eleven and hates school
Junior is fourteen, met a girl
Honey's still miss wonderful

45
Just yesterday, it seems I sat
At the bottom of a tall ladder
Now I stand at the top,
King of the band that matters

50
Bub left home today, rented a little pad
Junior's getting married, so fearful
Sis is still home, our newest driver
Taught by who other than Wonderful!

55
Family's not the word, anymore
I'm alone, now, with the best,
The most beautiful person in the world
The rest of life can be no test

60
Fourty's old, thats funny
I can't remember being that young
Maybe it's me who's losing my mind, 
Maybe you're losing your tounge

65
Golf never really appealed to me,
So I'm taking up the internet!
I'm becoming a hero, now
My heroine, across the room, yet

67
The internet is only so big, boring
Plants continue to grow, green,
Like children I can smile with them
Even if I hide and can't be seen.

70
She and I, together, still
We're old and worn and grey
Nothing will ever separate our hearts
Any more than that first day

72
I'm getting kinda old, now.
I spend my time with friends
Recalling all the 'good old days'
Without a seeming end

80
'Adam's Amazing Hair Tonic'
A scam to hurt old men
It doesn't work, without a wig
And hardly even then

90
Dentures are for wimps,
So what, if apples are hard?
Just chop it fine, and drink it up
Then back to playing cards.

100
One hundred years, I guess it's time
To smile, hold her hand, together
We stand before my former colleagues
And cheer them on, light as a feather

105
Well, more than a century
I'm getting young, again
She'll sit beside me 'til the last
Even if now is the end