Your application has been accepted, and you are now employed with provision for special training in the career path which you selected. You will presently be allocated a cubicle on a particular floor of our "earth" branch office. Here you will get to work "shoulder to shoulder" with a wonderful group of people who have also been slected for work in this office. You may find this environment somewhat different from offices you have worked in before. Firstly, our buildings are all open plan, we don't believe in secrets, we do believe in free information, free exchange of ideas, and of course -the dynamic of hearing each other's successes and problems so that we may all share and encourage one another and offer solutions. All employee benefits are immediately available to you, and unlike many employers, there is no "trial" period, all recruitments are made on a firm, permanant position basis.
You will doubtless encounter difficulties from time to time, this is normal as we are a dynamic and growing organisation, be assured, that your own recruitment is living proof that despite occasional setbacks, we are not only the market leaders, but ultimately the future of our industry. Our competitors are all suffering financial reversal as is evidenced by their falling share prices and the recent "takeover" rumours on Wall Street. We are unwilling to comment on specific rumours at this time, save to say that our mission statement calls for "100% market share". Yours is a large office, divided into many different departments, and you should know that from time to time we have heard disturbing reports of interdepartmental rivalry and even interferance, employee "recruitment" and malicious rumouring. We urge you, that should you experience any of these disturbing occurances, report them in tandem to your department head, and by express courier memo direct to "personnel" here in head office.
Large corporations can at times feel impersonal, and we therefore urge you to read the company magazine which contains a host of informative background information regarding our recent activities plus latest developments, employee personal success testimonies, and direct from our development division, promises of exciting future events, products and services. Finally, and most importantly of all, we want you to know that you are not just a number in this organisation. Your employment is no accident, you were hand-picked by our founder, and not just yesterday, he in fact is the anonymous benfactor who has been paying your educational fees and contributing toward your living expenses for many years. He did this for two reasons, the first is that your talent, your value, and your ability to make a fine contribution to this organisation was obvious right from your early childhood.
The second and more fundamental reason, is that unlike the boozing abusive "uncle" who part raised you, he is in fact a kinsman, a near relative, and we are so proud to say that just this week, we have had confirmed that adoption papers to make you the son and heir of our founder have been received back from the adoption agency, making you like me, a child of our president and King. I in fact, am now your brother, and I am so pleased to tell you, that as you work for this company you will also be investing in your future, your toil will bring profits, treasures which you yourself will in fact inherit at a future meeting of the board to which you shall be appointed in due time.
Once again welcome, I look forward to meeting you in person, either at our branch office, or at least when your transfer to head office takes place.
Sincerely,
your big brother Methuselah