I stood by myself near an overly large arched window, one of many that
littered the  walls throughout my friend's huge country estate.  The shine
from the full moon blended in nicely with the glow from several chandeliers
and a multitude of resin, iron-worked and ceramic lamps, all of which were
placed flawlessly throughout the residence, along with countless Italian and renaissance-style furniture pieces. The whole house was exquisitely done, crystal vases and figurines placed here and there, rare and beautiful paintings decorated walls, tiny fountains and ceramics arranged to perfection on tables and shelves, all of which were accompanied by the music of Mozart and Baroque playing softly in the background- it was an elegant storybook home, one that any woman would instantly fall in love with.
     Yes, life was good for my friend Charlene and hitting the lottery last
summer didn't hurt, either.  She deserved it.  All those years of struggling, working day and night, sometimes three jobs at once, just to meet the bills from month to month was really taking a toll on her, but not anymore.  I was very happy for her, because now, with her new life style, she could concentrate on her dream-business - theater.  Charlene and her bestfriend, Rebecca, had put together their talents, ideas and money to create a business dealing with many of the movie people that came to Baltimore. She already had connections with local television personalities and those led to even more connections which, so I've been told, had increased the success of her business ten fold.  I never truly understood what it was that she did exactly, but I didn't care.  All I knew was that she was a gateway to meet the type of people who could help me in my dream-career - a script writer.
 Yes, Amanda Scott, script writer extraordinare.  Sometimes my delusions were so vivid I had to laugh at myself, but despite how much I joked about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I wasn't going to give up my dream.
     Script writing was an incredibly hard field to break into and a lot of
`getting your foot in the door' was based on who you knew.  Up to the
present I knew very few people, but Charlene did promise me that a big name
person from California was to show up tonight, and as soon as he did she
would introduce us and hopefully that would start the ball rolling.  I
nervously waited throughout the evening, anticipating who this person could
be, sipping champagne and watching many of the people float carelessly
around the huge buffet table.  They seemed so elegant in their long fancy
gowns and stylish suites, smiling, laughing, talking comfortably to everyone they met as if they had known them for years.  It made me wish I had someone to talk too as well.  Unfortunately, with the recent and untimely death of my husband Kevin, I had to come Dutch, and this was one of those moments when having a familiar someone next to you would really make a big difference.
     "Having a good time?"  a happy and familiar voice asked from behind.
     I smiled and turned to face Rebecca.  Her beautiful, dark skin contrasted well with the white, off-the-shoulder chamois gown that adorned her slim figure, which was well accented by the intricate ringlets of curls that hung down, encircling her smiling face.
     "Yes, I am.  I'm just feeling a little out of place and I really don't
know anybody here,"  I explained.
     "Well, Charlene and I introduced you to several people, what happened
to them?"  She asked softly, taking my arm in hers and walking me over to
the open French doors that led to the stone patio.
     "They talked to me for a little while, then saw other people they
knew.  So, I guess it was a good excuse to break away from a stranger that
might try to solicit them.  No body wants to talk business I guess."
     "Oh, no, Amanda, you are so wrong,"  Rebecca retaliated, stopping just
inside the doors, "this is where deals are made, at parties like this.
These people come here hoping to start new business, so don't fret.  Just
get out there and start talking to people like you know them.  Mirror their
gestures, act like they do."
     "When in Rome..."  I put in with a little smirk, rolling my eyes and
shaking my head.
     "That's right.  And listen, you're not the only one who's here to
solicit themselves and their work.  Charlene did invited a few others.
Anyway, be bold and go strut your stuff.  I have to go and keep up this
hostess thing."
     "Thanks, Rebecca, you always knew how to make me feel better,"  I
said, watching her gracefully socialize with their guests; talking and
smiling.  I continued to watch her until I caught sight of a rather
handsome man swaggering in through the main entrance. His lean physique of
average height was looking very debonair in his black tux, even though it
was an evening summer party many of the men wore them, his dark hair was
cut very short, similar to a military crew cut, but it accented well with
the thin metal framed glasses and diamond stud earring he wore.
     I was awed by this man, and felt strangely drawn to him.  Although I
had no idea who he was, a hint of something familiar, something that I
couldn't quite put my finger on, tugged at the back of my mind.  Hummm,
what was it?  Maybe if I got closer to him I would be able to figure it
out, and if I was wrong and didn't know him, maybe I could start up a
conversation and draw this interesting stranger into my life.  The thought
was intriguing and I smiled to myself while trying to suppress all kinds of
nasty fantasies that flashed through my mind.  I couldn't help it; I was
still young, recently widowed and hadn't been with a man in quiet a while.
Well, I couldn't get ahead of myself, now, could I?  First things first.
     The stranger walked around the huge Roman-style pellars that separated
the dinning room from the sitting room, gathered a drink from a passing
waiter and headed for the buffet table.  I went in the opposite direction,
cutting through the sitting room and approaching the buffet table from the
other end.  My eyes never left him as I watched his every move. And as I
steadily drew closer I began to realize that I actually did know that sexy
smile, those eyes, still sparking blue and always with a hint of mischief,
that face and body, though more slender and distinguished-looking than the
last time I had seen it. The remembrance of who it was caught me completely
off guard, ice water instantly ran through my veins, my stomach clenched
into a knot and I dropped the cheese and cracker I had in my hand.  Thank
goodness it went unnoticed by those around me, but he must have felt my
presence, and my stares, and looked up.  It was perfect timing however, for
just when he looked up I just as quickly turned my back to him, calmly
accepted a glass of wine from a near-by waiter and took a big gulp, hoping
that it would help stop the shaking in my hands.  He was the last person I
ever expected to see tonight.
     Now I was more nervous than I had been earlier but somehow I shook off
the spagetti feeling in my legs and casually walked away from the table and
out onto the overly capacious stone patio.  I walked only a few feet
outside and stopped by a huge topiary of English ivy and small mixed
flowers.  I felt safe here, calmer and more in control.
     "It's him,"  I moaned quietly to myself, "Oh, why did Charlene have to
invite Alan."
     It was a dumb question and the answer was quite clear; Charlene was a
mutual friend of mine and Alan's, we use to work with her at Siedman and
Lynch, a well-known brokerage, for several years until she hit the lottery
and quit. Alan still worked there as a broker and I quit my job as an
executive secretary - because of him.
     Alan and I had such a strong attraction toward each other.  We shared
the same likes, dislikes and had so much fun together.  Then there were our
strong interests in the performing arts; he was a would-be actor and I was
a script writer.  Back then he was a little over-weight, but that didn't
take away from his passionate spirit, his open-mindedness, or his wonderful
personality, all of which drew me to him.  The more I got to know him, the
closer we became, and the closer we became the more dangerous and upsetting the romantic situation grew - only was because I was married.
     My husband, Kevin, was a wonderful, responsible, hard-working man, but
over the years we had lost the very sustenance that kept a relationship
alive - passion.  There was no spark, no fire, we never really talked and
had completely lost interest in doing things together.  I had tried for
years to rekindle our fire, but his high-blood pressure and weak heart was
always an obstacle.  He was tired, worn out and with all the medicine he
took having sex was almost impossible.  Then I met Alan and everything
seemed so wonderful again - I had quickly fallen in love with him, subdued
by his charm, his wit and his romantic nature.  The deeper we got into each
other, the more he wanted me to leave Kevin...but I couldn't.
     Kevin and I had a beautiful teenage daughter, a comfortable townhouse
filled with wonderful things, years of memories and a suitable income.
Sure we were teetering on a relationship disaster, but I just couldn't
disrupt everyone's lives and toss everything out the window for the love of
another man.  Needless to say, Alan couldn't accept that and the conflicts
between us began.  The more I tried to pull away from him, the more he
would reel me back in, torturing me with his kisses, his tender touch and
his romantic way of talking - just thinking about it made my body tingle.
     My husband suspected something was going on and co-workers at the
office had started to talk.  No matter how hard Alan and I tried to pass
off just being friends, some people just couldn't help themselves;  spying
on us and constantly pressing the issue as if it were any of their business.  I couldn't take anymore pressure, broke off our relationship and found a new job.  Besides, I knew that if Kevin ever found out he'd go to his grave hating me and that was something I couldn't live with.  So, for everyone's sake, I abandoned our forbidden love and through the years tried to forget Alan, forget how he made me feel and what we had done together.
And after I suppressed my feelings I had to forgive myself, free my conscience of all depression and try to be happy within my soul.
     "I didn't want to remember,"  I whispered despairingly to myself,
sucked down the last bit of my wine and hailed a near-by waiter for
another.  It had been a good fifteen minutes since I walked away from the
buffet table and I felt that I could possibly get away with staying outside
for the remainder of the evening, heck, there were enough people to talk to
out in the garden and patio.  I was sure I could easily get lost in the crowd.
     "Did you actually think you could vanish, Cinderella?"  The voice cut
into my thoughts like a razors edge.
     I released an uncontrollable surprised gasp and whirled around, nearly
slopping wine on my tight-fitting, floor-length black dress in the process.
I froze, completely at a loss for words and our eyes locked.  I didn't want
to ever look into those blue eyes again, for there was something about his
gaze that instantly made me feel weak.
     "Hi,"  Alan whispered, forcing a little smile while his eyes took me
all in.
     "Hi,"  I choked out, cleared my throat and then repeated, "hi, Alan."
     "So, we meet again, my sweet muse,"  he jested, stepping a bit closer.
     My heart beat violently against my chest, my emotions were on
over-load and no matter how quickly I drank my wine I just couldn't get rid
of the dryness that suddenly formed in my mouth.  "Please, Alan, don't
start...,"  I began softly, but was quickly cut off.
     "So, how long has it been?"  he asked.
     "Almost two years,"  I said, then went silent again, still staring
into those sparkling eyes.
     "Amanda, there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about you,
wanted you, desired you.  You must understand that my love for you has
never died..." he blurted out, but was quickly cut off by my sudden
outburst of anger.
     "Is that why you trusted that secretary of yours and told her the
everything about us?"  I snapped, raising my voice slightly as more
memories haunted my mind.
     "That was a big mistake and I paid for it, but it's been two years now
and all of that has passed.  It's been forgotten.  For what it's worth,
Amanda, I'm sorry that I ever did that.  She caught me at a weak moment and I confided in her.  I didn't know she was going to run her mouth."
     "A lot of those women live in my neighborhood.  I had to hear all
kinds of talk for the longest time and, more than anything, I feared Kevin
would find out.  But thank God he didn't."  In my anger, I had stepped even
closer to him, practically chest to chest, while waving a finger in his
face.
     "You have every right to be angry with me, my muse,"  Alan said
softly, kissing the tip of my finger, which instantly melted my anger and
sent unexpected shock waves of lust surging through my very being.  I hated
him for what he'd done, but deep inside I still loved him and wanted to
forgive him.
     I fell silent.  I didn't know what else to say.  Alan always knew how
to calm me down and his renaissance-flavored tongue eternally made my blood boil.  We just stood there, staring into each other's eyes, fuel igniting
fire, the pure energy from our bodies being so close to each other caused
passion to rise.  I could see the longing and the love burning in his eyes
and I knew he could see the same in mine.  I was weak, so very weak in his
presence.  And when he raised a hand and stroked my cheek with the back of
his fingers, I didn't move away - I reveled in his touch.  Clasping his
hand in both of mine I closed my eyes, released a deep sigh and pressed my
cheek firmly into his awaiting palm.
     "I've missed that so much,"  I admitted as I looked up at him, a
single tear of pleasure running down my cheek.
     Alan's hand was shaking and his eyes had become moist, too.  "So have
I,"  he said breathlessly, apparently overwhelmed by my actions.
     "Oh, Alan, I've missed you...I missed you so much.  You don't know how
hard it's been not to call you, or stop by the office, or..."
     "Shhh,"  he whispered, placing two fingers on my lips, "Say no more,
my sweet, for I share your yearns and desires."
     I released a little laugh and shook my head, "always the talker."
Then my smile faded and our eyes locked once more.   I gazed longingly into
his face, contemplating my next move.
     Hesitantly, I stepped a bit closer, trying to make sure that my
advancement wouldn't be rejected and placed a hand on his shoulder.  When
Alan didn't flinch at my touch, I placed my other hand on his other
shoulder and slowly slid my hands behind his neck, enterlocking my fingers.
His breath had quickened and our bodies were so close that I could feel his
heart beating uncontrollably against me.  We held our positions for a
fleeting moment, each waiting for the other to make the final move and when
I couldn't stand it anymore I pressed myself full against him, feeling his
manhood swell with anticipation.  He moaned, but quickly covered it up by
clearing his throat.  The expression on his face made me giggle and my
cheeks blushed, which broke all of the barriers and tension between us.
     "I really have missed you,"  Alan said, tipping my chin upward with a
bent finger.
     "Me, too,"  I breathed dreamily as his lips lightly touched mine, like
a master painter brushing his beloved canvass, gently, tenderly until the
strokes were adorned with affection.  We melted together as all the pain,
hurt and misunderstanding were instantly pushed aside, and when we parted
it was as if all of our wrong-doings at the wrong times never existed.
      "I forgive you, my love, for time heals all wounds and nights of
passion fills all emptiness,"  I finally said, smiling and crying at the same time.
     "Oh, yeah?"  he queried, raising his eyebrows, while mischeif sparkled
in his eyes.
     "Yeah.  And we have two years of emptiness to fill,"  I snickered,
snaking my arms under his jacket and around his waist.
     "I look forward to it, sweetness,"  he said, making a silent vow to
reunite, restore our love and do it all on a honorable basis this time.  I
reveled in his embrace and finally found the strength to release the
heartache, and grief of my husband's death, simultaneously replacing it
with a forgotten life and energy I  use to experience with Alan.  Now, it
seems, we can pick up the pieces and start again in a relationship where we
can honor our love to the fullest.