OutCast
Audrey Murray

    Everyone knew her.  Even if they didn't know her name, they knew who
she was.  She was an outcast, an insect to society.  No friends, no
acquaintances, no one who even cared who she was.  As she walked
down the hall, people jeered, called her names, laughed when she ran into
the bathroom sobbing. Day after day, the cruel students of Sunnyvale High School would torment her, try to see how far they could push her.  The entire student-body's mission was to make her miserable.  Yet she was a strong person, and she endured their behavior.  She made her persecution into a game, a game she would win if she survived high school.
    Why did they choose her?  What had she ever done to them?  Not even
they remembered.  But she remembered how it had started, all too vividly.
It was the first day of junior high when the malicious behavior began.
 Dressed in a new sweater her mother had made and a nice pair of pants,
she set out for school.  She was so excited about entering a new school,
even if it was just down the street from her old one.  On her way to school,
she saw Becky and Julia, her best friends from last year.  Becky and Julia
lived in real houses, much bigger than her apartment.  Their parents' could
even afford to buy them new school outfits.
"Becky!  Julia!  Wait for me!" she called.
 Her calls were met with an icy stare from Becky.  "We aren't friends with
you anymore," Becky said with a cool voice.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because you don't have a father."
She could still remember the blow that comment had caused her.  It felt like
someone had stabbed her in the stomach, twisted the knife around, and
then slowly extracted it from her abdomen.  Nothing would ever erase or
ease the pain caused by this memory.  No matter how many times her
mother told her that her father's departure was not her fault, or how she
was special because she only had to share her love with one parent, she
still felt inferior inside.  Inferior to Becky, Julia, and all the other people in
the world with fathers.
Memories of her father were few and obscure.  She had one hazy memory
of her father taking her out for ice cream when she was very young.  There
were memories of birthdays were he sent cards, sometimes with a little
money inside.  More vivid, though, were the memories of the years when
he didn't send cards.  She remembered the time when she and her fellow
kindergarten classmates were asked to bring in their fathers for career
day.  She was squirming in her seat when the teacher called on her, and
she had said that her father was in the hospital.
"What for?" the teacher had asked sympathetically.
"Ummm... an operation," she had mumbled feebly.  "Yes, an operation.
 They have to  remove his brains because an evil bad guy put
bad brains in."
    She had seen this on TV once, and was sure it was a common procedure.  However, the teacher had not been so easily fooled, and this story earned her a seat in the following night's detention.
Yet despite all the times he had hurt her, she didn't hate her father.  How
could she when she barely knew him?  After all, he must have had a
reason for leaving her, probably a pathetic one, but she wouldn't let herself
judge what little she knew of him.  Neither liking nor disliking him, she tried
very hard to live her life as if he didn't exist.  She did, however, promise
herself that she would never trust a member of the opposite sex again.
It was first period, and she was in history.  Slouching down so no one
would see her and begin the inevitable taunting, she studied the boy
standing nervously in the front of the classroom.  He was tall, with dark
hair and penetrating blue eyes.  He noticed her observations, and smiled
at her.  She quickly looked away.  She was attracted to him, and didn't
want to be.  As soon as he becomes aquatinted, he'll learn that no one is
anything but mean to me, she thought.
"All right class, settle down," her teacher began in his perpetual monotone.
 "Today, we have a new student.  His name is Bobby Nolan, and I know
you'll all show him the utmost courtesy, and be exceedingly friendly.
 Remember, starting at a new school is very difficult."  He turned to Bobby.
 "You can sit over there."
He was pointing to the empty seat behind her.  Bobby sauntered to his
seat, with twelve pairs of female eyes following him.  He sat down, placing
his backpack beside his seat, sliding coolly into his seat.  She had never
been attracted to anyone before in her life, but she felt complete
infatuation towards him.
"Hey," he whispered.  "Can I borrow a pen?"
And do what, poke me in the eye? she wondered, ignoring him completely.
"Please, it's just a pen!  I promise I'll give it back."
Maybe he isn't such a jerk after all.  I mean, it's is first day here, I should
give him a break.  She turned slowly, and gave him the pencil.  His eyes
met her gaze, and she looked down quickly.
"Thanks, I'm Bobby."
"I'm-"
"I know I told you to be friendly to our new student, but I did not mean
during my class.  Now will you two kindly pay attention?" the teacher
interrupted.
But she could do anything but pay attention.  She, who was usually
extremely attentive during class, could not stop day dreaming about
Bobby.  Would he be as mean to her as the rest were?  Would he actually
be courteous?  Would he be her friend?  Would he be more than her
friend?
Finally, class ended.  She tried to rush out of the classroom, to get to her
next class before the hall tormentors could begin their work, but someone
stopped her.  Someone was holding her arm, and that someone was Bobby.
"Hey sorry I got you in trouble in class," he began.
"It's OK," she mumbled, blushing.
"Look, can I make it up to you?  How about dinner Saturday night?"
"Umm well I umm I mean I have to umm I mean I want to but umm I have to
umm..."
"Is that a yes?"
"I guess."
"Great!  How about Charlie's?  I've heard really great things about it.  I'll
meet you there at 8?"
"Sure!" she burst out, so excited about being asked out on her first date.
 This sudden outburst caused her to blush furiously.  As she rushed out of
the room, she heard Bobby call:
"Great, I'll see you then!"
"Hey, look who it is!  It's pizza-face.  I see we put a little more grease in our
hair than usual," a boy called.
"Oh, honey, I absolutely love that outfit!  Where did you get it?  Wal-Mart?"
a cheerleader asked in an innocent tone that was dripping with malice.
"You know, I was going to go for that scrubby, gas-attendant look today,
but I thought it was so last year!" one of her friends replied.
But today, these comments didn't even penetrate.  She had a date for
Saturday night, a date that all these girls had been ogling at in history.
 Holding her head high, she walked down the hall, pretending she was
Becky.  Well, she would be Becky, for Saturday night at least.  Mama
would make her a new outfit, and she would even splurge and buy some
make-up for the date.  Saturday couldn't come soon enough!
The week went by ever so slowly.  She had thought she would burst out in
tears of agony waiting for the bell to ring on Friday.   For once, she had
been eager to be out of school, as the dreams of her date tonight
bombarded her mind.  Now it was 8 o'clock.  She was at Charlie's,
impatiently awaiting Bobby's arrival.  With her hair in a fancy bun, makeup
on her face, and a new shirt and a skirt on, she felt absolutely ravishing.
 But, on the inside, her organs were butterflies.  Her head pounded, her
stomach leapt into her mouth every so often.  What if he thought she
looked ugly?  What if they couldn't keep a conversation going?  What if
she spilled food on herself?  Ugh, that would be so embarrassing.
Eight fifteen rolled around.  Where was he?  He had said eight, hadn't he?
 Yes, he'd called to confirm this afternoon.  Oh, the sound of his voice was
ecstasy.  What if he forgot?  No, he wouldn't forget between five and eight.
By the time the clock read eight thirty, she began to really worry.  At nine
o'clock, she left, tears in her eyes, that she wouldn't let herself cry until she
reached the safety of her home.  The pain she felt could not be described
with words.  Her legs turned to led, her heart sank, and her head
screamed over and over again: "HE STOOD YOU UP!  HE STOOD YOU
UP!"
     On Monday, the last thing she wanted to do was go to school and face
him.  Hadn't she tried to warn herself this would happen?  However, her
mother would have nothing of it.
"I'm sure there was a reason he didn't show up on Saturday.  Maybe there
was a family emergency.  You're going to mope around the halls, until he
finds you, and tells you his grandfather had a heart attack and they had to
rush to the hospital.  And then you'll fell awful for hating him," her mother
concluded triumphantly.
"Whatever," she replied, trying desperately to conceal the happiness
brought about by this new idea.  Though she knew, deep down that her
mother's explanation was incorrect, she couldn't help running the three
blocks to school.
Upon reaching the schoolyard, she saw Bobby.  As she tried to approach
him, her body turned to Jell-O.  When she finally reached him, however,
his arm was wrapped tightly around Becky.  Before she could turn and run,
Becky saw her.
"Look, there she is.  She did go to Charlie's, she did!  I told you she would.
 Look at her, just look at her.  Oh, this is just great.   She looks like an
injured dog.  I wish I had a camera!  What a loser, she actually went,"
Becky continued with words that continued to bash her victim's already
diminished ego.
Hurt beyond words, she met Bobby's gaze.  He gave her a look clearly
saying, "You thought you could have me? In your dreams!"  She ran away,
too injured to cry.
That day at lunch, she sat in her usual spot: the last table in the back of
the cafeteria where no one but she ever sat.  The whole day had been
horrible; she just couldn't stop thinking about what Bobby had done to her.
 This was, by far, the worst prank her classmates had ever pulled.  She
avoided looking at Bobby's table.
Suddenly, a commotion arose at Bobby's end of the cafeteria.
"WHAT?!?!?!?" a voice screamed.  "YOU'RE MOTHER WORKS WHERE?!?!?!?"  His whole table began screaming words that would forever seal his fate.  He would become an outcast, like she was.
"No," she whispered softly.  "They can make fun of me, but NOT him."
 She felt an incredible sense of loyalty to this boy who had absolutely
humiliated her. Teeming with anger, she ran over to the crowd jeering Bobby.  He was crying.
"STOP!!!!!!!!" she screamed in a voice she didn't know she possessed.
 The cafeteria became silent.  She walked to the center of the crowd, to
Bobby.  She took his hand.  Silently, she led him out of the cafeteria.
 

acmu999@aol.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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