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There seems to be two schools of thought as to the best way to meet people and pursue a relationship.
Some people are somewhat passive and believe that you should just develop your interests, do the things you like to do and sooner or later a person who shares your interests will appear and a relationship will just happen naturally. What will be will be.
Other people (like myself) believe that finding a lover is like finding a job. You have to be proactive. Don't just wait for social opportunities to come along, seek them out and maximize the opportunities.
I met my wife through the personals and we both passionately believe it's a wonderful way to meet people. I would like to share with you our reasons for enthusiastically endorsing the use of the personals:
1. They are inexpensive and a cheap way to meet people. Compare the cost to dating services.
2. Putting an ad together forces us to search for our positive attributes and makes us get in touch with what we have to offer.
3. It's an alternative to bar hopping and party going; this might be a great option for shy, serious people who feel their better qualities are not appreciated at wild and crazy parties.
4. You will meet people you would have never met otherwise. How many new eligible people do you meet in a month following your regular routine?
5. The personals allow you to plan all aspects of the dating process. This can be an advantage over having to make time for social functions which might require you to change your schedule in order to attend.
6. When you begin to meet people on a regular basis, you quit trying to make the unworkable work or settling.
7. You know everyone that you meet is interested in pursuing some sort of a relationship. Have you ever met someone in a grocery store and they ask you where the bananas are and you don't know whether they are interested in bananas or you?
8. It's safe and fun. There used to be a stigma attached to meeting people through the personals, only weird and desperate people used the personals. Today it's socially acceptable. Kathy and I dated over 200 people through the personals and never had a bad experience, but always use common sense. If someone sounds weird over the phone, don't meet them. If somebody sounds clinically depressed and is in a lot of pain, they are probably not ready for a relationship. If someone wants to meet you at 4 am on Hennepin Ave, that should probably raise a red flag.
9. If you place an ad you are in control:
a. You can determine the type of people you meet by the ad that you write.
b. You can choose which people you want to meet, and when and where you want to meet.
10. There is nothing better for your ego than when you receive your first batch of responses from your ad. It's a great feeling.
11. The personals are a great place to brush up and practice your social skills:
A writer once said " all my life, I have suffered from three major fears: death, abandonment and calling men on the telephone".
It's been my experience that people are genuine delighted that you have selected their letter or phone message to answer. If calling virtual strangers on the phone is hard for you, the nervousness/terror will go away after a little practice and several calls.
For both myself and wife, the personals were a source of tremendous personal growth in terms of gaining confidence and improving our social skills.
12. Sometimes when there isn't a romantic connection, you might make a friend.
13. Another great advantage is by meeting a lot of different people you can clarify what you are looking for in a mate.
14. If you don't know where to look for eligible mates and you want to get going right away. You can start with the personals!
RH
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