Huckster or Hero

Tom Green: Comedy’s Newest Notoriety Speaks Out

One does not write about or try to explain The Tom Green Show.

All attempts to describe the show to the uninitiated inevitably fall victim to the "forget-it-you-just-had-to-see-it" dilemma. It’s one thing to say "Tom humps a dead moose at the side of the road" and it’s an entirely different thing to actually watch him straddling and pumping the huge beast’s carcass. Or better yet, to watch the expression on the face of a trucker who’s taken the bait and stopped to see what exactly Green is doing.

The Tom Green Show is essentially a half-hour of studio 'guests' and pre-recorded, carefully edited street segments. This television comedy, which has its studio headquarters in our nation’s capital, has the potential to create a crisis in this country that will rival even the Quebec quandary. Now in its second season on the Comedy Network, more Canadians will have to choose a side: Is Green a brilliant social humourist or a belligerent asshole?

A few weeks ago, the Globe and Mail's television critic John Allemang placed his vote firmly with the latter group. He sees "no sign of humanity in Green’s blank eyes," and calls him an "obnoxious fool."
Granted Green is obnoxious; his ‘town idiot’ routine consists of him wandering the streets (for example wearing a dress, face covered in moisturizing crème, or pissing in a tube connected to a big plastic keg) desperately looking for a reaction from passing strangers. But his intentions with those who stop to gawk at his absurd behavior are always playful and never contemptible. Or so I first thought.

Originally a loyal fan, I watched Green’s entire first season on the Comedy Network. But after seeing the third episode of the new season, I'm not sure what side I'm on anymore.

In the final studio segment of the show, he introduces a mousy looking, and obviously very nervous, woman who proceeds to mumble a love song "written by her imprisoned husband." Providing her with a guitar accompaniment, a smirking, self-satisfied Green looks into the camera as if to say "isn't she a loser?" Following that number, they sing a duet that manages somehow to be even more baneful and pathetic.

It was the most vicious act I have ever seen on The Tom Green Show--making even a repugnant opportunist like Jerry Springer look scrupulous.

Green can be cruel at times but never to this extent--even his audience seemed uncomfortable. It was the first time Green laughed at someone and not with them. Suddenly, Allemang's protest no longer sound like the rants of a puritanical crank.

Any CBC programmer watching that episode was probably breathing a sigh of relief. A couple of years ago, Green did a pilot for CBC but they decided against signing him.

"They didn’t pick up our show, but this show is not CBC material," explains Green. "I mean look at it, it’s completely unlike anything you’d see on the CBC. The reason CBC is what it is is because of the way things are done there; they have very stringent conservative ways of doing things. You can’t really do anything too cutting edge.

"If the CBC offered me ten times the money I wouldn’t do it; it would be the deathnail in The Tom Green Show," Green continues. "I’m not saying I wouldn’t work there doing something else. Maybe I’d sweep floors next year when I’m looking for a job. But I couldn’t do The Tom Green Show there. It’s just not possible."

Green infamy continues to grow--particularly amongst talk-show producers after his appearance weeks ago on The Mike Bullard Show. In the middle of the interview with Bullard, Green placed a dead decomposing maggot-ridden raccoon on his desk. Bullard vomited for ten minutes and the entire studio had to be professionally fumigated.

"I think a lot of the producers who had tuned into the Bullard thing - who knew I was coming on their show but didn’t necessary know who I was - got a little scared. They thought I was some kind of Howard Stern shock comedian or something.

"Now they’re searching me when I get to the station, saying no props," Green explains. "The funny thing about it was I wasn’t planning on doing anything really bad. I mean, I usually mix it up a bit. There are different kinds of characters that I do. Sometimes I’ll do something shocking but mostly I’m just kind of friendly and silly boy."

Recently Green has received a lot of international attention. Starting in mid-December, his show will begin airing on Australia’s thecomedychannel and several American networks have expressed interest in broadcasting the show, including MTV.

Quite a change from four years ago when Green pitched his idea for the show to the local Roger Community cable channel in Ottawa. But he’s not worried that all the new attention, or a bigger budget, will change anything.

"We’re acutely aware of what gives the show its charm and we know that shooting with a small camera is important. We know what has to be done to make the show the way it is. But we could use a bigger budget to make the show better without changing those things. I could use a few extra writers helping me out with coming up with concepts, or people helping obtaining props. Just making it easier to do what we are already doing. It’s something that takes all of our time. We don’t have any spare time for friends or a private life, cause we’re doing it on a small scale. It would be nice to get a little more money to make it easier to do the same things."

So die-hard fans need not fret about any new and improved Tom Green Show.

"Yeah, we’re not going to have special effects or people’s heads blowing up in the street or anything like that. Or professional George Lucas Industrial Light and Magic making dinosaurs run by in the back ground."

His recent excursion into maliciousness seems to coincide with all the international attention he's been receiving. Hopefully it's just a symptom of Green's pre-success jitters and not a new direction for the show. At its mischievous best, The Tom Green Show is a welcome Can-Con glimmer of hope in a TV landscape filled from far and wide with wrenching period dramas, horrid Americlones, and those torturous Traders commercials.

Tom Green hosting ALT.COMedy Lounge

The Rivoli, Toronto

Dec 7, 1998

Normally spending the majority of his time in Ottawa writing, taping, and editing The Tom Green Show, a couple of weeks ago Green ventured in the city of Toronto to make a rare and highly anticipated appearance as an MC at the Rivoli. The occasion was ALT.COMedy Lounge, a free, weekly showcase for up-and-coming comedians.

Chaos has a way of following Green around and as evidenced by the huge line-up, there's a demand for a first-hand glimpse of Green's spontaneity. Prepared for some of the consequences of Green-foolery one fan came equipped--with an umbrella.

As did Green. For the expedition into the big city, he arrived supplied with a bullhorn, a bag of hair, several bags of milk, and a chainsaw. The bags of milk made several appearances that night usually culminating with their contents spewing on Green or over audience members (except for the one with the umbrella).

The significant disadvantage of seeing Green live at this venue was the small, but vocal minority that confused the Rivoli with their bedrooms and proceeded to verbally jerk-off all night.

These knuckle-draggers came to shout the praises of their suburban saviour, delivering them from the city's swirling nuisance of foreigners, women, old people and the homeless. They made it very difficult for some of the comedians that night. The women spent most of their acts verbally sparring with the beau-hunks. One was reduced to screaming "$#%& You!" Since hecklers are to comedy what bloody intestines are to slaughterhouses, this blunt reaction doesn't exactly bode well for her career. The second adapted a surly swagger and a masculine bravado, which was much more effective, keeping us laughing and the hecklers smarting.

One comedian told the audience it was her dream to have been on the show Degrassi Junior High. The joke was met with blank stares since, for the majority of any Toronto audience, Degrassi Junior High was their last acting job.

Hamilton's Jason Rouse also performed that night. But his constant efforts to bring himself to vomitation were ultimately in vain. I had heard he was funny, but since his hand was constantly down his throat I didn't get to hear any of his supposedly galling act. But it wasn't exactly clear if he wanted the audience to laugh. If that was his intention, he should have shoved his hand somewhere else.

He was probably nervous, since in attendance that night was some leather-clad Comedy Network VIPs. I wasn't even on stage and I felt uneasy in the presence of these Don Kings of comedy. When Green attacked a table with a chainsaw, they had a "that's our boy" look on their faces that somehow tainted the extemporaneous proceedings.

The one constant in the zany and impulsive world of Tom Green was the cameras. At least three were rolling that night, capturing the evenings events for posterity and inevitable television playback.