She even puzzled herself as she sat down to write. Funny isn’t it how everyone, well almost everyone is normal until you get to know them. Her greatest theory was that everyone was weird once you got to know them. She was realizing that she was just getting to know herself for the first time. Somehow she had lost herself, or maybe it was just that she had never been introduced to herself. Sound funny? That’s because it is. Extreamly funny actually. Life is isn’t it...
And suddenly the phrase, “She’s only happy when it rains,” made SO much sense to her. She understood. It was the too good to be true attiude. Rain means sad. When she’s happy she is suspicious, wary, wondering. When she’s sad she knows it’s right. She knows she’ll always come back to being sad again. Her glass is half empty. She doesn’t question when bad things happen to her. She expects bad things to happen. When things go her way she questions, she can’t help but question. It’s so easy to focus on the bad, to easy to miss the good. Silly girl. That was the end.
“It’s the end of the world as we know it.” The song rang through her head. The song was so right. He life was ending, giving birth to a new life. She was starting university, moving out of home, being rediscovered and reborn. She didn’t want to change and she wanted to so badly all at the same time. Her boyfriend helped her want to change, her X boyfriend. He had always been full of surpises and this last decision to break up with her mear weeks before her new life was to begin shocked her the most. She cried for days. She is still crying, months later. She heard the statistict. The one that said it takes half as long as you were a couple to get over a break up. It made her SO mad! She didn’t want to mourn him for a year (they had dated for almost two). She had bigger and better things to do. She was at university now. A place where 20 000 students, most of which were no more than 4 years older, took classes everyday. The variety of people, of boys was endless. The mear numbers were the problem now. With so many people how could she even hope to meet just one and get to know them, get to know him enough to fall in love with him. You see that was the way she worked. She wasn’t the love at first site kind. The better she new a person, a boy, the more she found herself attracted to him. She rarely just jumped into things, especially something as potentially dangerous, hurtfull, as a romantic relationship. She liked the familerism. She wanted her X back...
Funny isn't it... The hardest part of an illness is trying to discover what it is you have. ONce you know it can be treated and very soon everything will be okay again, wont' it? That's what she's hoping... . It took her how long? But she finally realized she was going through a personality break-down. She lost her identity. Her world changed faster than her brain could keep up with. There was a time laps but somehow things seem to be coming together again. Things are getting back to normal. It was a hell of a ride. But she thinks things are going to be alright. Things are going to be fine... aren't they?
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