HUMOR

The butler did it

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening. As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early. She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room. She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom. She closed and locked the door. She looked at him and smiled. "Throckmorton. Take off my dress." He did so, carefully. "Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Throckmorton. Remove my bra and panties." The tension mounted as he complied. Finally she looked at him and said, "Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."

A Sad Passing
THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY - DEAD AT 71

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman: "The Pillsbury Doughboy", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy. Describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

BEST NEWSPAPER HEADLINES OF 1998 (All verified!)

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Children's Books that never made it to press...hmmm...

1. You Are Different and That's Bad

2.1 The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad's New Wife Robert

4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do Book

6. The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats go to Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. That's it, I'm Putting You up for Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. Garfield Gets Hit by a Car

15. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy

16. Strangers Have the Best Candy

17. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

18. You Were an Accident

19. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

20. Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games

21. The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan

22. Your Nightmares Are Real

23. Where Would You Like to be Buried?

24. Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School

25. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends?

26. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

ClickHERE to watch my pet hamsters dance!(very funny)

Funny things to do and say

More fun than playing leap frog with a Unicorn!

Comming Soon