July 5, 1998
There are, I know, uncultured bubbas out there who haven't yet seen The Phantom of the Opera during its run at Jones Hall in Houston, for varying reasons.
Some don't like the idea of having to get all dressed up. Others are like me, and hate the concept of driving into downtown Houston for any reason whatsoever. Some sneer at opera and even musical theater as something snobs watch. I know the reasons, because I used to use them myself.
The wife, however, saw the first big road production of Phantom a while back in New Orleans and, as part of her continuing effort to civilize me, convinced me to go.
I became a Phantom initiate last Sunday, and I must say the experience was enjoyable, memorable and thrilling.
Although Phantom has been around a couple of years now, I know there are still some bubbas out there who haven't never heard of it. I guess I should fill 'em in.
For starters, it's ain't what most of us would consider to be classical opera; there's no elevator music. Andrew Lloyd Webber's music has a modern touch to it — witness some of his other works like Jesus Christ Superstar, Cats and Evita. On the other hand, don't expect any Metallica-type riffs, no steel guitars, no Hanson and definitely no rap. The tunes stick with you, but unlike the Spice Girls, they don't cause indigestion.
While set in 19th Century Paris, the plot is really a pretty basic story which repeats itself every night on the news at 6 and 10. I'll condense it here:
• Hot Chick (Christine Daae') wants to be Superstar.
• Hot Chick meets Bad Boy (the Phantom), who turns her into a Superstar.
• Hot Chick then meets Rich Hunk (Raoul) and dumps Bad Boy.
• Bad Boy gets mad, starts wasting people, then kidnaps Hot Chick.
• Hunk goes to rescue Hot Chick, but Bad Boy kicks his butt.
• Hot Chick switches sides again, but Bad Boy has an attack of conscience, frees both, and disappears.
Now, we've all seen live plays and such. We're aware that special-effects in live theater don't have the punch you can give them on video. But Phantom's set, props and F/X are pretty doggone spectacular.
When the big chandelier crashes from the ceiling toward Christine, you immediately cringe because you're just SURE it's gonna plaster her. You could hear the audible sighs ripple through the audience when Raoul rescues her — although I'm also pretty sure that some of those sighs were sighs of disappointment.
There are also good and bad points about ritzy places like Jones Hall.
On the good side, the seats are comfortable — unlike those in, say, most movie theaters I've visited. And about halfway through the show, they give you a 15-minute intermission, which is pretty neat because no one's climbing over you during the middle of the show to head to the powder room. You can miss important scenes in a movie when sudden needs arise (which helps explain why all those teenage girls "had to" go back and see Titanic 47 times each).
I'm not sure, because I didn't see any signs saying so, but I also think there's a prohibition on bringing whiny babies and very young children into the theater, which certainly helps the acoustics.
On the bad side, there's no popcorn or hot dogs, and you can't take what refreshments there are back to your seat. Then again, having fully-stocked bars in the lobby more than makes up for that lack.
Most importantly for my fellow bubbas
out there: going to the opera doesn't turn you into a nerd. I mean, I'm
still a regular guy — given my druthers, I still prefer watching a good
video like Starship Troopers or Demolition Man while munching
on barbecued ribs and sipping a cold one — but Phantom ain't bad.