Oct. 15, 1997
You know how sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of the bed,
feeling all grouchy for no real reason? Well, I do something like that,
except I wake up on the Politically Incorrect side of the bed.
It's shocking, I know. When it all wears off, I hang my head
righteously (in a non-religious manner, of course). But for a few hours
every now and then, I just feel this overwhelming need to sneer at consensus.
Those of you with school-aged children probably shouldn't read
this part to them as part of your state-required home-reading program which
will prepare them to learn by approved government methods; try some Molly
Ivins instead.
One such episode hit me last May 5. I woke up and — I wince as
I recall it — just really didn't want to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. I recall
snarling to someone that it simply isn't right to celebrate a military
victory by one foreign army over another foreign army in a battle which
didn't even take place on American soil.
My reasoning at the time was that we don't celebrate any other
foreign military victories — I mean, why not Bannockburn (June 24, 1314),
Tsushima (May 27, 1905), Trafalgar (Oct 21, 1805), Agincourt (Oct. 25,
1415), Lepanto (Oct. 7, 1571) or Crecy (Aug. 26, 1346)? Or, since most
great military victories throughout history seem to have come at the expense
of the French, let's celebrate one that lasted a while: Dien Bien Phu (March
13-May 7, 1954). Shoot, you've got a month and a half to celebrate with
that one!
I know, I know: that's a rather cold-hearted attitude.
I got another Politically Incorrect wake-up call the other morning,
and launched onto a tear about eco-freakism. Looking back, I feel really
bad over this one, because more than anything, I probably made some poor
children question official propaganda.
It was really bad: I made a vocal assertion that I could care
less whether or not the stinking rainforests got torn down, could care
less about the stupid varmints that lived there, and thought it was kind
of stupid to be teaching kids about other countries' ecologies when they
don't know the first thing about their own country's ecology.
I thought my Political Commissar was going to faint on the spot.
Fortunately, that episode didn't last long, and I dutifully colored
my "Save the Rain Forest" posters the rest of the afternoon like everyone
else.
Another one of my episodes nearly got me kicked off the Texas
Business and Education Coalition "Friends of Education" list, so Politically
Incorrect was it. It was a brief one, actually, but it sure got some folks
upset.
"Public Education is in crisis," I blurted out. "It's been in
crisis since at least the 1970s. If we've been 'fixing' it for nearly 30
years, why isn't it 'fixed' yet? Could it be that the bureaucrats we're
trusting to do the 'fixing' have no clue about what they're doing, or are
purposely trying to do something ELSE?"
I made my apologies, and spent the afternoon on my knees, reciting
the "Our Bush, Who Art in Austin" prayer in front of my Hillary Clinton
statue in atonement.
After all these episodes and after seeing so many people upset
— people who have worked so hard to overthrow the American system of democracy
and capitalism — I knew I had to do something. These bouts of Political
Incorrectness were growing increasingly alarming, and the National Organization
of Women even threatened to call me a "male" in public.
Fortunately, the Texas Legislature established the Healthy Kids
Corporation during its last session and, combined with the outstanding
propoganda available from the Texas Freedom Network and others, my political
re-indoctrination is now complete and I can once again celebrate ethnic
diversity and denigrate Western civilization.