Nov. 27, 1996
For all that I slam most television — especially situation comedy — as mindless drivel, every now and then there's a rare gem which comes along and restores my faith in the buffoons in Hollywood who write the material.
I am not a Married With Children fan by habit; after the first season of dysfunction, the humor lost its appeal for me. But while waiting for the X Files Sunday, I happened to catch the tail end of one episode and was stunned to see how closely some of the characters mirror real life.
To understand why I found humor in this particular episode, one need only weed through the mail I and most other news outlets have been inundated with for the last couple of weeks. I've been overrun with pleas to editorialize against eating the noble turkey during the holidays, protesting their inhumane treatment, stressing the fact that mankind does not need to eat meat to survive, and so on.
Now, I'm not going to make fun of anyone who is a bona fide vegetarian. Many cultural or religious views hold that eating meat is bad, as well. I'm quite accepting of differing beliefs, and do my best to accomodate them.
I think it's important to demonstrate that you are not only tolerant of different beliefs and lifestyles, but that you also demonstrate your tolerance so as to not offend people. For example, I chew tobacco, which I know offends some people. But I never chew tobacco while in a restaurant, because I know such a sight might unsettle those with weaker stomachs than mine.
All I've ever asked is that others respect my beliefs as I respect theirs.
I only eat turkey one day a year — truthfully, I'm not a big fan of poultry, period — and all I ask is that the "meat-free" folks leave me and my diet in peace. Don't tell me it causes cancer, (everything else does, too). Don't tell me how much undigested animal protein is wandering around in my intestines. Don't show me cute, warm fuzzy pictures of cute, warm, fuzzy animals and ask me plaintively, "How can you eat that?"
Believe me, barbecue sauce does wonders for cute warm fuzzy animals.
So when I accidentally tuned in to Married With Children Sunday, I found myself chuckling — inhumanely, I'm sad to say — to see Christina Applegate trying desperately to save Hank the Turkey from becoming the Bundys' Thanksgiving dinner by throwing the bird out her second-story window and urging him to "fly to freedom."
In so many ways, some of the "save
the cute warm fuzzy animals" people remind me of Applegate's character,
Kelly Bundy: they're so busy trying to "free" the little animals, they
throw them right out the window and forget that turkeys can't fly.