Answering Confusion

by Amber N. Nix

(dedicated sincerely to J. E.)

In this deadly law of life,
When an everyday religion,
Resting on my shoulders,
Pulsating through my arms,
And weighing heavy in my hands,
Pulls my inner being
To bear an empty burden.

In this hazy process of hurt,
When pain falls into places I failed to see before,
Growing as I water it,
Rooting as I fathom it,
And feeding on my soil of strength,
I fail to see the flowers
And focus on the weeds.

In this mystery of realism,
When the Spirit is more concrete, but my flesh is weak,
Yielding to a faulty notion,
Risking a pondering thought,
And opening a destructive door,
I explore an identity--
Doubting my Creator.

Inside this mask of habit,
Within this countenance of peace,
The enemy will bring the confusion,
Giving endless alternate illusions which
I might consider...
But there
No hope tarries for me,
No answer lies for you,
And no will burns to be free.

In that confusion, I find my ignorance--
The careless drifts of my mind
Which strayed far from my first Love,
Forgetting the mercy He has given me,
Forsaking the price He has paid for me,
Fretting a whole emptiness.
I follow Him back to the flock.

In echoing a sense of belief,
I here do witness
Unto a divine nature,
Which sets me apart
From this delirium of regret,
From my confusion,
Once again.

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" - Romans 7:21-25a

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